2005/2006

College made me so incredibly unhappy. I didn't really know what I wanted to do, and being impressionable as I was, signed up for a music performance course in Truro, but thought I'd also do a side subject in design-like course to keep my person interests satisfied. There were two timetables, and my course lead made damn sure I was on the timetable that clashed with my side subject so that I was forced to drop the subject.

Having got up early to do a 2 hour commute in (then sometimes a 3 hour commute home - yay Cornish transport), the course basically created function bands playing covers from 60s-80s music! Original music was discouraged because "people wouldn't recognise it" at gigs.

I dropped out of the first band as things became stale between everyone. By this point I had 6 tracks (this is one of them) that I wanted to perform solo using my PC, keyboards and turntable. But that wasn't what my course lead had in mind. I was told it wouldn't work, no one performs like that, and that I had to join another band else I would be kicked off the course.

From there on out the course lead just kept having digs at me. It was super humiliating and degrading, I had to sneak off to the toilet to cry most times. Some of the things thrown at me were homophobic slurs, which I wasn't ready for and probably delayed my coming out because these are what adults of Cornwall think of gays. The light at the end of the tunnel was university; Leave Cornwall. Even then, my course lead was insistent on trying to sign me up for music courses at university; I kept saying no, I want to do another course that wasn't music but she was signing me up for music courses regardless. It created more work for me as I had to cancel all the courses she was signing me up to, so I could scout for universities myself.

Towards the climax of the course, the bassist in the other band came in to rehearsals really sick, like had the flu or something nearly immobilising, so told them they shouldn't have come in and maybe go home (also small rehearsal space = everyone catching it). Like, genuinely looking out for their health. They went to the course lead about it, who then threatened to kick me off the course. I was so distressed that this one chance of escape is being compromised because I was looking out for everyone.

After that, I weighed up how much attendance I needed to pass, explained to my parents what I was planning, and would only go in once a week to rehearse with the band and see them through their final project, pick up and drop off course work, and just get out of the way. The minimum. That one day I was in I was always being called into the office to talk/be bullied by the course lead.

I barely passed, enough to get into uni and I got the hell out of Cornwall. Sorry this is a long post, this is one of my earlier songs and it comes with the territory of unearthing this old stuff.

TL;DR: You don't need college to make art