No.
If you're going to do pick up, do it right.
First, you need to pay attention to your body language and position. If you come up directly in front or behind, you're going to be seen as too challenging or you will scare them.
Second, although immediately introducing yourself is better then saying "Hi!" holding off on giving your name is a good way to tell if a girl is interested in you when she asks for it.
Second, saying something like "It isn't easy for a guy to come up and talk to a beautiful girl" oozes of something lacking in confidence. Next, the issue with the friend is problematic: Yes, you MUST win over the friend. However in this game, the friend gets little more then a drink for attention and treating your friend like a sucker. Which brings me to another point, the number of women who actively try to get men to buy them drinks. There's also some debate as to whether or not it's a good idea to buy them a drink, but the general idea is no since she will either not respect you, or view you as trying to get her drunk.
It sounds like you have a pretty good idea of the general structure of the pick up and a few decent ideas. However, most of what you've offered is one hundred percent overused and let me tell you- women are going to know these lines like the Happy Birthday song. You have got to innovate!