Why
Why do you just eneter your story instead of an animations?
You should make your story into a flash. It's good story I'll tell you that I would like to see what else you got. Just make it in motion next time. Good choice in music it's very wierd I've never heard it before.
GODDAMN
Make the story less long, and actually READABLE...
my poor eyes... X.X
I'm sorry
You really need to shorten that backstory. Besides, it was really, really hard to read the text (it was pretty blurry). Maybe incorporate some of that writing into animation instead?
....
The beggining take's too long, God damn dude it's like an hour.
Watch movie - read book
If I want to read something I get a book. Movies, even short flash ones are for watching - not reading. Animate some of that lovely art work and you'll have something.