Hey everyone, just started reading the posts only got up to page 8, very interesting stuff.
But yaa here is my experience.
I call it demonic influences.
When i was young around the age 12- 14 or 15
you know how u would find bad stuffs kool? demons, ghost, killing.
Well when i was drawn into it and actually wanting to believe the existence of Hell and be part of it, at a point thats when I said willingly to have it manifest my soul.
Thats when I started getting weird, visions, imagines, feelings of bad deeds.
My friends then would find me weird and violent, my actions would also be er.. sinned.
When pissed at someone I would doss of into the state of visioning just chopping them apart and paint your hands and body with blood and enjoy the stinch of perverness that grant some sort of satisfaction.
I had once thougt of throwing my dog off the my apartment from 12th floor and just see the dog splat just for the sake of curiousity. By my logic kicked in and i refrined.
However, here is a list of sins i commited on little animals then. 1) Placed a scissor in the fish tank and wait until the fish lies in the center of the opened scissor then CHOP! The head drowned, and the body floated up and you see the blood merged and fused with the water.
2) While my squrriel were resting in its cage i dumped my math textbook next to it and BAM! the squrriel jump off went into a spasm for 1 hr and eventually died.
3) Shot my turtle with a air-soft gun it still lives but there was a hole in its shell. 4) My firend played with my auto-firing electronic BB gun in open field shot down a flying bird, which then i had difficulties flying, i finished it off with a stone to its head, by throwing it at full might two strucking the bird dead.
Now thats on animals but the kind of visions i get with people well.. its hard to describe but when u have extremely violent visions you know its wrong but u like it. Something like carving a persons face, dig open a hole in the person's heart, tie a person from the tree and slowly slice pieaces of flesh off one by one, one limb at a time.
That feeling just eats up your soul.
Related factors? Well i remember when i was young i did sometimes see a dark figure that walked passed my room. And the ya my toilet it the wall has patterns like dots its meant to be part of its design, but when i look closely you can see faces.
So how did I get out of this mess?
Well as i remember it was my trip to Taiwan with my mom, it came in my dream, rather vague but i remember having an interaction with God or things of holyness.
The next morning i woke up, i remembered the first thing i wanted was go get a cross and such, then when i returned from my vaction got my self a bible.
Thats when I became a member of christianity. I don't go to church but only then do i believe in God and repent for my sinful thoughts. Lust, Greed, etc.... i repress these thoughts.
So as time gradually passes by being less frequently have those violent visions spawned from hatred.
However, from the time before and after soul cleansing through faith, I was still not in touch with reality.
The things I see and feel, the presence of existence just seems loose sometimes, as in it doen't feel real. And I do know the feeling of realism of and recognize of external environment and individual presense as I had it once in a while.
As i enter university overseas, did my logic and rationalism start to form. Reality is more real than ever. Things of the past just seems to fade.
From then i quit christianity when i saw fellow fanatic christians that reminded me of who i used to be with every sin i commited a carving would be placed on my left shoulder forming a full symbol ( If the symbol is done, then the next carve will be cut on the same marks hence forming the symbol again) of to die under christ though i probably was alot more frantic then they are.
It looked like this
Though the P and X are alot closer and connected.
So the question is why i leave christianity?
Truely once u started hearing stories of for example Apocolipse etc... The stories something like
Believe in Jesus christ otherwise u burn in hell..... Doesn't sound like a God that loves all beings on earth does it?
Satan... Fallen angel demons, powerful but not as powerful as the God. Wait? Why don't God just destroy Satan with his power so we can live in harmony?
These are the questions i asked.
We all have soul that is connected to the Universe, and the Universe itself has presense of all knowledge and emotions that has no physical form, this is what i recognize as God the entity that is all.
Once you open your mind to evil, your mind will be filled with such visions that i described on subconscious level that slowly manfest your consciousness hence affecting your decision making.
Reject evil and have faith in good, does the opposite.
These good and evil presense only affect your mind. Hence it changes what u perceive.
Ghost, spirits, they are not actually there but because they are connected to your soul/mind, they are able to affect you, emotionally. That can give off illusions, being watched, followed, hear things, see things etc.
Hence my God has no religion.
As i read from another user's post "Porky" for example. What seperates criminals and psychos is your ability control your actions and use your logic. Logic is your best friend.
What iam saying is, we all possess some sort of evilness within us. The degree of it being manifested in your soul/mind depends on how willing you are to accept and reject it.
To those that likes playing Ouji boards and connecting with the dead, bear faith in god should be alright. Just remember though, since u haven't fully accept them. Once opening your mind to them and be connected with them.
If ur will is not strong enough, your mind will be tainted, with sinful thoughts.
As I have opened my mind to accept wanting to be manifest with the sinful when i was young, these thoughts images stayed with me. I can only repress it to a certain degree, however they do pop up often which requires stronger focus to repress them. It does get mentally tiring at time.
So just becare when u open that channel to be influenced.