At 7/10/07 12:38 PM, El-Duego wrote:At 7/10/07 12:35 PM, Flawst wrote: Another story :O Put me in and i'll cheer you on...Sorry to say, no spots left. However, the story after this one, another NG story, will have plenty of spots.
And whaddya mean "another story"?
You read my 1st one?
No, and I had no idea you had a first one. I meant another story on newgrounds.
Also, what will your next story be about?
banned
Next chapter in 10-15 mins
If anyone is following the story, please let me know by posting a reply!
Sarai was thinking hard, thought were flooding into her mind as she drove her car across town.
Who were the other children? Were they boys? Girls? Were they even alive? Had they beaten the Gods like Sarai had?
She felt a bubble of pride swell up in her chest at this momeny, but she immediately quelled it. There was no time for such emotions in situations like this. She was being harsh on herself, but with good reason.
She turned a corner.
"Not long now..." she muttered. She could actually sense it. Sense the presence of the other two children, some distance away. It was calling to her, pulling her.
Sarai had been doing 40 mph, but she cranked up to 50mph now.
She could almost see them, smell them, tey were boys. She knew it, call it woman's intition, but she just knew that they were boys.
60mph...70....
She knew she was going too fast, but she had to keep going, she could sense it. The children, boys, were in trouble. And she had to get to them soon.
"AHH! No! Get off of me!" yelled Eric, triying to push the beast off of him, but to no avail. The beast was strange, it was like a liquid, but it floated in mid-ir. It resemble a puddle of floating oil, and when Eric tried to touch it, his hands simply pushed threough it. Somehow, the thing was pinning him down, Eric felt his legs go numb.
The oily substance came close to Erics face, and it was only then that he noticed. It was freezing cold. So cold, in fact, that it burned. And then, something horrific happened. The liquid branched off, and started to creep towards Eric's mouth.
"No...." Eric tried to yell, but his voice was feeble, almost un-hearable. The liquid entered his mouth, and sure enough, it tasted heavily of oil. It was slimy, as it ran down his throat.
The liquid branched again and ran up his nostrils. Eric couldn't breathe now, and he panicked.
It was horrible.
He felt like he was dying...
Sorry for the short chapter, I have to go out soon
Oh crap. I don't want to die. Especially ot at the hands of some pussy liquid thing.
Please don't make me die, Please.
wow it took me forever to find your next story. its awsome!
i just hate that i cant ever find it time to get me a spot.
its sweet story.
i know this is not the best place to have idea but who thinks that it would be a good idea to make a BBS story writers club/crew? i think it might be a good idea
but im off topic
that is a wonderful story and i can't wait for more!
i also have a suggestion for you.
would it be better if you typed your storys in word. then copy and paste them here? therefore you can save what you write and spellcheck it?
The Lack of content here, Is suprising.
sweet story this is tottaly going to my favorites...
Will the blob kill him :)
Will I crash :( (My driving license is only a learners')
Will the story continue soon
I hope so
All in all, satisfying reading. :)
At 7/11/07 04:38 PM, Sarai wrote: Will the blob kill him :)
Why do you have a smiley after that? Do you want me to die?
Dont worry, you wont die, that would be way too obvious!
Its 3 in the mornin wher I am, way too early for a chapter, so I just wanna hear opinions right now.
Tell me what you think of it, and I will read any suggestions for the story.
At 7/11/07 10:15 PM, El-Duego wrote: Dont worry, you wont die, that would be way too obvious!
Its 3 in the mornin wher I am, way too early for a chapter, so I just wanna hear opinions right now.
Tell me what you think of it, and I will read any suggestions for the story.
Going good, but if you can, have someone take them somewhere where they could be safe(when they see each other for the first time).
New chapter soon
It's raining where I am, so I hope to make a lotta chapters now
At 7/12/07 11:01 AM, MrFinland wrote: Oh by the way, have you watched how many views this has?
No, why?
"AHH! Get off of me!" Screamed Eric. Aaron broke into a run, he had to save his friend. He was in trouble, and Aaron was his only hope.
Aaron stopped.
"Was it worth it?" he thought.. Eric had run out trying to be brave, Aaron had tried to reason with him, ut he had just been acting like a complete jackass...
No. That was no reason for him to die. Running again, Aaron was pleased with his morale decision. His feet thumped on the ground, as he listened for the occassional scream for Eric.
Aaron was panicking. How would he defeat the monster attacking Eric? He wouldn't stand a chance. There was no hope. They would both die, horrible, painful deaths.
Aaron banished these doubful thoughts from his mind, and kept running.
Eric was weak now. The oily substance was draining his energy completely, and he wasn't able to move.
The substance was almost completely gone, most of it had flooded into Eric's body.
Eric heard footsteps. They were fast, teh person was running. Eric knew that the person wouldn't make it in time.
he choked, as the last of the substance ran down his throat. He felt like he had just drank loads of water, and was about to burst. It was a terrible feeling, but Eric wouldn't have to endure it for long.
His eyelids felt heavy, and they were drooping. In seconds, Eric had blacked out...
Sarai turned the corner onto the run-down bowling alley. At least, it used to be run-down. It had been on the verge of closing, when the government gave it plenty of funding for rennovations, and it looked like the funding went to good use. There were scaffolds dotted around the building, putting up a new sign, fixing holes in the wall.
Sarai didn't even park the car, the parking lot was ampty. so she just left it to the left of the entrance. She yasnked the keys out of the ignition, slammed the door, and started running towards the door of the bowling alley. She just hoped that she wasn't too late...
Eric had stopped screaming, and Aaron was scared. He was expecting the worst. Expecting to turn the corner, and find the bloody remains of his best, albeit only, friend. His face cut open, missing legs, lying in a pool of blood, and all because Aaron had let him go, let him go to die.
No! This was not Aaron's fault. Eric would've gone out, regardless of Aaron's efforts to stop him.
But if Aaron had just tried a little harder...
Aaron felt guilt swell up inside him, but he dismissed it. This was no time for petty emotions. His friend was in trouble.
Aaron whipped around the corner, and saw something so unexpected, taht his jaw dropped...
thansk for all the support guys.
Hopefully another chapter soon, once I get a little feedback on this one.
You're such a cocktease with those endings.
Haha, can anyone hazard a guess as to what is actually going to happen?
Hmm, Sarai walks in?
Obviously, I meant what happened to Eric
At 7/12/07 11:37 AM, El-Duego wrote:Hmm, Sarai walks in?Obviously, I meant what happened to Eric
No! That's why you write it for us dear :)
x
I think that's enough feedback, time for a new chapter:
Sarai ran up the stairs, she should've been tired, she had been running for a good bit, but some inner force, was driving her. Something mystical.
She came to the door of the Q-zar arena. It had buckled, and would be almost impossible to open. She looked around, and saw a sign saying "Staff Only." She rammed the door with her shoudler, breaking the lock. That wasn't right.. Sarai was a girl, quite dainty in fact, she shouldn't be able to smash open a door...
There was no time for this. She pressed on, praying that the boys were still alive.
Aaron was shocked. He had expected a bloody corpse at the worst, but somehow, this was even worse than that.
Eric stood there, perfectly unharmed. He had a slight glazed look in his eyes, but otherwise, he was unharmed. He walked over to Aaron and simply stood there.
"Dude, you okay?" asked Aaron.
Eric simply stared blankly back at him.
"Eric? you ther-" Eric punched Aaron in the face. Aaron staggered back, tasting blod, and probing around his mouth with his tongue. Sure enough, two of his teeth were broken. Aaron spat them out, along with a pool of blood.
"What the hell?! Why did you p-" Eric leapt up, twirling so that he faced away from Aaron. he sent his right leg flying out, striking Aaron square in the chest. Aaron flew back several feet, far more than he should have. This was ridiculous, Eric had become in-humanly strong.
Aaron sat, his back propped up against one of the pillars, struggling to breathe. The kick had knocked the air out of him, and he was breathless.
Eric Bent down, assuming a sprinter's starting position. Aaron knew what was coming, but he was too weak to stop it.
Eric burst into a sprint, his legs moving with an unfathomable speed.
Aaron mustered the little energy left in his body, and flung himself to the right, just in time.
Eric smashed into the pillar, his shoulder ramming into it. Shockingly, the pillar snapped, and came crashind down.
Eric turned, and Aaron could see fire in his eyes, he was pulsing, his veins physically bulging with the energy. Eric growled, and for a moment, his mouth grew, streched, into a wolven like shapre, but it quickly returned. Something was inside of Eric, and it wanted to escape...
NEW PLACES!!! There will be an opening soon for two more characters. Don't PM me, if you want to be in it, post in this topic. I cannot work on a 1st come, 1st serve basis, so if you want to be in it, tell me why I should pick you.
At 7/12/07 12:06 PM, MrFinland wrote: Will I be in it? Reason: You told me that I would be in it.
True..... okay! One spot left! lol
I did promise him, so it is only fair.
PM your name MrFinland (real name, or a fake one if ya want)
Wow. I don't think even with slightly enhanced abilities that I could do much against a monster!
Involving chapter! Will there be more today as this was well written.
I'm a fan of your writing, Cant wait till the next chapter !
At 7/12/07 12:46 PM, Sarai wrote: Wow. I don't think even with slightly enhanced abilities that I could do much against a monster!
Involving chapter! Will there be more today as this was well written.
There sure will, in an hour or two, cos I am watching a movie right now
At 7/12/07 12:54 PM, El-Duego wrote:At 7/12/07 12:46 PM, Sarai wrote: Wow. I don't think even with slightly enhanced abilities that I could do much against a monster!There sure will, in an hour or two, cos I am watching a movie right now
Involving chapter! Will there be more today as this was well written.
I will go and watch the new Harry Potter movie then and come back for a new chapter. APologies if I don't comment until later tomorrow, but rest assured that you're doing a good job. Honestly, I was a bit worried to begin with, the start-up and shorter earlier chapters. But you've got depth and background and feeling. That's very good. + commitment. Well done.
-S
I can't write any chapters for about.... 3 hours
do until then, just keep the reviews coming, and feel free to criticise
Sarai ran down the narrow passageway that lead to the maintenance area for the laser tag game. She came to a room filled with cables and computers, all required to run the game. She saw a door that read "ARENA", and she went straight for it.
It was locked. Sarai knew that she wouldn't have the energy ths time round, to shoudler butt it in. So instead, she just stared at the lock. She summoned all of her mental powers, piecing together the scattered dredges of magic that she had inherited form her deity parents.
She focused on the lock, willing it to open, imagining it opening, pushing all of her energy into it.
There was a click. The door swung ajar. Sarai smiled, and walked in.
Aaron stood up, his entire chin covered in blood from the ferocious punch, and the deadly kick. He wiped his hand across his chin, and stared at Eric.
"Eric! Listen to me! I know you're in ther-" Eric dived, tackling Aaron to the ground. Aaron's head banged off of the floor, and he could feel his skull chaking. Eric was on top of him, his knees on Aaron's shoulders. Aaron couldn't move. He was trapped. Eric, the beast, stared down at him. Aaron could see his eyes had turned a nasty shade of blood red. They were blazing, full of sheer power, full of pure evil.
Aaron coughed, and a little more blood splattered onto his chin.
"Eric....", he said, his voice weak, "Please... I know you're in there..."
"There's no Eric here." said Eric, in a croaky, demonic voice, "Hahahaha!"
Eric raised his hand and brought it crashing down, smashing it into Aaron's cheek.
Aaron felt several more teeth shatter, and he struggled not to swallow the shards.
"Eric....please...."
"Quiet, puny mortal!" he punched Aaron again, this time in the chest. Aaron felt his lungs shudder, and blood rushed up into his mouth.
He was bleeding internally.
"Hahahaha!!" laughed the monster, punching Aaron again, this time in the forehead. Aarons head smasehd against the floor, and he felt red, sticky blood, seeping into his hair.
Aaron was losing conciousness. It was getting difficult to breathe, and Eric was punching him again and again. However, Aaron didn't feel the pain. He was beyond pain at this point.
Aaron knew he was approaching the final moments of his life, and he thought about all of the things he hadn't done. He was only 16! There was so much he had to do, so much he had to see! And now, because of something so surreal, and ridiculous, he was going to die at the hands of his best friend.
Aaron struggled to keep hsi eyelids open, as well as the shudders of Eric's punches, and the warmth on the back of his head from the blood, Aaron now saw a light. It wasn't a physical light. It was a light in his head. A mystical light. The light many had wrote about.
The light of the Pearly Gates.
Aaron stopped struggling, and gave in.......
Still one spot left for a character.
Another good one, cant wait till the next chapter.
You have a talent for writing.
Am I ever going to be exorcised of this demon or am I staying evil (because that would suck). Another great chapter even though my character has become possesed :(
At 7/12/07 02:59 PM, joeyjoe1 wrote: Am I ever going to be exorcised of this demon or am I staying evil (because that would suck). Another great chapter even though my character has become possesed :(
Stop complaining, and enjoy :)
