At 12/30/08 04:20 PM, EclecticEnnui wrote: Thanks, Vincoid and Everlasting-Elements. However, I have to say I don't feel comfortable going up to random girls in the mall, and simply saying, "Hello." I wish I could do that, because it's nice to do, but in the big city I'm in, I'd be a weirdo. I get what you're saying, though. The places would be in a bar, at school, or at a party, where socializing with random people is normal, or at least more normal than on the street, or wherever.

Actually, I meant that you should do it everywhere. The whole point in doing this is to forget what other people think of you, and just do it. This exercise is 100% intended to make you better at conversing with people and in order to do so, you have to let go of every limitation you have.
Of course, starting a conversation out of the blue with people on the street might seem weird, but there are solutions to that problem. First off all, I don't suggest to start with conversations, but with simple greetings.
For instance, you walk down the street, stop for traffic and make eye contact with someone standing next to you and say 'Hi'. That's all you have to do.
Later, after you start building on that, you move to places like malls and start having conversations.

I suggest you don't worry about that, but focus now on saying 'Hi'. If you do that, keep a journal and show me your progress, I'll help you with starting conversations in ways that you won't seem weird.

I also like the journal and PM idea. I'll definitely keep that in mind for my new year's resolution. :)

That's great ;)

At 12/30/08 04:26 PM, Sexylegs wrote: I took her to one side when we were at the beach with a few friends and I was all "So, uhh, I was wonderi-" and she smiled and said "Yes". Then we hugged. Then we sat down on some railings and just talked about shit.

So, the word 'date' has never been mentioned and you sat on a railing and talked? At least now we know that it wasn't the 'date' that made her ignore you.

She told me she just didn't want to do anything on the days I asked if she wanted to, and that I was pissing her off on MSN due to me being... well, basically me. I piss everyone off.

Maybe that's what you should be focussing on? Unless pissing off is a good idea of course, but I'll let you decide.

She wanted to see me today, wanted me to go to her house, but I'm in Sydney. :(

Why the sad face? She said she wanted to see you, that's actually a good thing. Too bad that you couldn't, but still, she wanted it and that's something great.

So I haven't seen her in nearly two weeks, it's killing me and I don't know why. Yesterday my friends Ian and Deon 'showed up' at her house, and the three of them chilled together for a bit. I don't get to see her, my friends (who she hates, might I add) do.

You know, I was actually expecting something bad, but this is nothing...

What you need to do is stop assuming. Stop assuming what she thinks, stop assuming what your friends think of you, stop assuming that she's ignoring you or somehow pissed off at you.

CHILL THE FUCK OUT!

This is probably the most common problem for guys who are a) wusses, and b) learning how to be an attractive male: they think too much.
Wusses continually think about what the girl is thinking. Guess what? If you knew, you would have had her. The truth is that you don't and that all efforts in trying to know will result in wasting emotional energy.
Guys who are learning how to be attractive to girls make a similar mistake. They've got all the techniques, skills and knowledge in their heads, and what they do is make it all extremely important. The result is that they start to doubt or get insecure when they 'do something the wrong way'.

You need to chill out, remember that she's just a girl like all the others and that it doesn't matter what she thinks of you.

Eh it's all annoying and it gets me pissed off to think about. D:

Stop thinking about it.

At 12/30/08 07:11 PM, Obvious-M wrote: I love her so much she is the hottest thing I have ever seen.

You should look around more...

You have to be joking she is perfect!

At 12/30/08 05:35 AM, Vincoid wrote: Also, Josh, telling someone that he's probably better than the girl isn't really a good idea. It's great to think 'NEXT' and move on, but to diminish a girl simply to feel better about yourself is destructive behaviour. If you do this and keep doing it, you'll either end up thinking of yourself as being better than everybody else, or you'll become hateful towards women.

I'm an ego maniac. I'm not gonna lie. Quite a few people hate me because of my newly found ego. Where it came from, I have no idea. But I've become quite selfish. I want to say it's helping, and honestly, it is. I feel I can get anyone I want, but I'm a bit to cocky sometimes. It's not women I hate, it's people in general. Teachers, exes, black people in the mall who walk on the wrong side and bump into me then tell ME to watch where I AM going. Sheeit.

Not really a great idea, is it?

I think it depends on how you play the game. It'll be alright if you're playing, but things go spiraling once you let the game play you. Learned that with drug usage. =[

The alternative to this is to think: "Whatever, she could've had a great time with me, but now I'll just have to make someone else have the time of her life".

Maybe that's what I'm thinking, maybe not. I haven't really concluded that, but I sure as hell do get by on my ego. But like a said, a lot of people hate me, and I hate a lot of people. This is something quite new. Cuz, it's easy as shit to get along with me. I'm like a camellion, I can fit with whatever my surroundings are.

Now that's motivating :P

So is a swift kick in the rump. =D

At 12/31/08 05:41 PM, Obvious-M wrote: You have to be joking she is perfect!

But she kissed a girl, and liked it. She won't be interested in you, man.

Yeah, Hello, My name is Tim, and I need some help. You see, I am very large. I weigh 172 at age 13. Yeah, it's bad. I am an extreme case of an outcast at school. Lot's of people think i am very weird, and I yearn to share a relationship with. All the girls in my god damn retarded ass school are shallow. what the hell do I do?

At 12/31/08 07:22 PM, Timex247 wrote: Yeah, Hello, My name is Tim, and I need some help. You see, I am very large. I weigh 172 at age 13. Yeah, it's bad. I am an extreme case of an outcast at school. Lot's of people think i am very weird, and I yearn to share a relationship with. All the girls in my god damn retarded ass school are shallow. what the hell do I do?

You just gotta put yourself out there. Find common interest, then find out what to talk about. Slowly introduce yourself by talking to people, man. Things get better when you do your best man. Just try to talk to people, man.

At 12/31/08 07:19 PM, Everlasting-Elements wrote: I'm an ego maniac. I'm not gonna lie. Quite a few people hate me because of my newly found ego. Where it came from, I have no idea. But I've become quite selfish. I want to say it's helping, and honestly, it is. I feel I can get anyone I want, but I'm a bit to cocky sometimes. It's not women I hate, it's people in general. Teachers, exes, black people in the mall who walk on the wrong side and bump into me then tell ME to watch where I AM going. Sheeit.

Ego is good, as long as you're not trying to prove to others that you're better than them or get them to think that.
Selfish is good too, because without being selfish, you don't have anything to give. Though there is also a difference between taking everything for yourself because you're selfish, and taking it because you need it for yourself.
Cocky is also good, though too cocky can come across as insecurity.

So basicly, thinking of yourself as being great isn'y bad at all, in fact, I recommend it, but I would never use it against someone.
Also, hating people because of what they do says more about you then them. It tells me you bother too much.

I think it depends on how you play the game. It'll be alright if you're playing, but things go spiraling once you let the game play you. Learned that with drug usage. =[

Of course, I agree.

Maybe that's what I'm thinking, maybe not. I haven't really concluded that, but I sure as hell do get by on my ego. But like a said, a lot of people hate me, and I hate a lot of people. This is something quite new. Cuz, it's easy as shit to get along with me. I'm like a camellion, I can fit with whatever my surroundings are.

Why do you hate these people? Is it something they did or an image you have of them?

So is a swift kick in the rump. =D

Don't think that would really motivate me :P

At 12/31/08 05:41 PM, Obvious-M wrote: You have to be joking she is perfect!

But she kissed a girl, and liked it. She won't be interested in you, man.

She would be interested in me, but I'd say no. She has the tendency to look mentally retarded from time to time, plus she has awful eyebrows...

At 12/31/08 07:22 PM, Timex247 wrote: Yeah, Hello, My name is Tim, and I need some help. You see, I am very large. I weigh 172 at age 13. Yeah, it's bad. I am an extreme case of an outcast at school. Lot's of people think i am very weird, and I yearn to share a relationship with. All the girls in my god damn retarded ass school are shallow. what the hell do I do?

Do you like being overweight? No? Then go work out. Watch what you eat. When you're about to eat something, think about what it will do to you in an hour, in a day, and what it will do to you in 5 years.

Are you interested in shallow girls? No? Then go look somewhere else where there are girls who aren't shallow. Then again, are you sure these girls are shallow? If so, how do you know?

At 1/1/09 01:03 PM, Vincoid wrote: Ego is good, as long as you're not trying to prove to others that you're better than them or get them to think that.

I dunno if I'm trying to prove it, but I tend to have it set it my mind, that I am better than them. They're all the time comparing grades to me and how good they're doing, their sober lives, but I can see deeper than the skin. Their family is in debt, or something. I realized everyone has some sort of fuck up in their life. But when I grow up, I'm not gonna be poor. Everything is gonna go alright, even if it's not as planned.

Selfish is good too, because without being selfish, you don't have anything to give. Though there is also a difference between taking everything for yourself because you're selfish, and taking it because you need it for yourself.

I'm considerate. Foreplay is a must. =]

Cocky is also good, though too cocky can come across as insecurity.

The only insecurities I have, are being extremely poor, which, I am. Not poor enough to go to the Cherry Street Mission, but poor enough to live where I do, and shit. I'm, also, extrmely scared to get fat. I don't eat much currently, I wonder if it's a mental blockade.

So basicly, thinking of yourself as being great isn'y bad at all, in fact, I recommend it, but I would never use it against someone.
Also, hating people because of what they do says more about you then them. It tells me you bother too much.

It all depends how they go about things. I leave people to their skeletons in the closet and other things, I believe they can leave me the fuck alone, and let me play with life, the way I want to.

Why do you hate these people? Is it something they did or an image you have of them?

Teachers tend to try and call me out, and when I shoot shit back in their face, they get offended, and try to call me out more and more. We tend to have quite some student-teacher tension, all the time. I tend to get extremely angry, which is why I started using xanax before school. I'd be able to stand first period, and AI, then I'd sleep all second, read during third, then I'd have my favorite teacher in 4th period. Shit was great. Exes piss me off, because of the way they act. They try to impress me, most of all, but it doesn't work. I wonder if they realize it. When they try to flaunt in front of me, I get extremely annoyed, and tend to dislike the person more and more. And the black people in the mall, they're the reason why they close our malls down. Over all of them are into some sort of gang, we have fights there on a daily basis, I just witness a bitch fight yesterday. When they walk on the wrong side, and bump into me thinkin I owe their ass something, I get annoyed. It's not that I'm rasict against black people, because I'm not. I truly think there is a difference between a black person, and a n*****. So said Chris Rock.

She would be interested in me, but I'd say no. She has the tendency to look mentally retarded from time to time, plus she has awful eyebrows...

Lol. Well shit, I guess I can reveal my celebrity crush's. I'm a fan of Megan Fox. She's in transformers, I'm sure you've seen her. Pretty hot. I, also, like Jennifer Connelly. She was in Requiem for a Dream, and labrynth. She's pretty sexy, even as playing a heroin junkie. =]
Oddly enough, I never saw this coming, but I think Selena Gomez is pretty hot, too. I never thought I would think someone from Disney is attractive, just because I don't like the station, and most others on there. For some reason, she sparks my eye. I think it's the hair, when it's curled.

I Just came out of a relationship, posting this to vent. Feel free to read.

So, she comes to my home, sits down and utters that she wants to break up and that the feeling is gone. I didn't care one bit and told her that it was fine by me. I just wanted to get in her pants for starters, but she kinda grows on you like a fungus. She was no fun going out, immature and all kinds of flaws. Still, I gave it a shot.

The relationship had it's ups and downs and although I was primarily dissatisfied during the whole ordeal, it had its moments and there were times when I was truly happy to have her. I put a lot of time and effort to make it work. Too bad I can't say the same of the other party. It takes two to tango after all. Note: She was the one who wanted a relationship in the first place. That's why I gave her a chance. And sure, I began to have feelings for the kiddo.

Where were we... Ah yes, she gets up and sits next to me, when she bursts into tears :S. She wants to break up and she's the one breaking down. I comfort her, trying to figure it out. Turns out she can't make the leap towards a meaningful relationship. To define her problem, she can't give her heart, body and soul to someone else. She just can't. I knew this in advance and I hoped it would be different and that something meaningful would bloom, but no. I just have to face it, she just can't do it. I told her that, together with a rant about her other flaws. And then I did what every guy would do, throw her out of the house :P

At first angry about her weak attitude, then lit me a cigaret, followed only by the regret that I didn't fuck her. Plenty of oppertunities, plenty of backing downs on the last second on her side.

TL;DR I just wasted 8 weeks of my life without getting pussy.

Oh, Vincoid, remember that tale about M en N on page 175? Let me finish it for you.

Well, the time came around when my brother and me headed off to the other side of Europe, Bulgaria (M's location). We had ourselves a wonderful time there, but mine could have been a lot better (read below). To keep my brother satisfied, we hooked him up with one of her friends, things clicked right from the start :). The first two days were honky dory, not a cloud in the sky. Then, the problems began.

M got a huge guilt trip, she having a boyfriend for 2 years and now me in the picture. She was torn inside, I could tell. Part that and part of my egoistic nature caused us to have arguments and fights whole week. We even ignored each other for some time :P.

Not only that, those idiot friends of her kept butting in. M and I were sitting on a bench, watching my brother and date make out extensively and we began to talk about how it used to be between us and we would talk about what the future holds for us, when suddenly those idiots show up out of nowhere, trying to drive us apart. >:C This didn't happen once, but on several occasions. One of her friends, now dubbed Mi, had feelings for M too, but he was forever stuck in the friend zone. During our "letting go" talk on the bridge of love, he dared to butt in, again warping into the scene without warning. I swear to God, I had thrown him off the bridge if M hadn't stopped me.

Long story short, she chose for the other guy. Logically, since he's there and I'm here and it's hard to love someone who isn't around. Honestly, I know :). I had trouble letting go. I was aware this couldn't last, but there is a difference between knowing the path and walking it. Eventually I gave in and came to realize that if I truly loved her, I would have to let go. So I did. As long as her boyfriend keeps her happy and protects her, I will leave it be.

Still an awesome holiday, different country after all (prices unbelievable, McMenu for 2 bucks, 2 liter beer 50 cents, smokes 1,5 euro, we were living large there :D). Especially nice for my brother who found love there. Too bad they had to part as well.

In the train back from the Airport, first text messages to E, the one of my crew and mentioned in story above, if she wanted to get a coffee at my workplace. Two months later, 2 hours ago, that tale ended as well. Heh, that's life. On to the next.

At 1/2/09 09:44 AM, NetWar wrote: So, she comes to my home, sits down and utters that she wants to break up and that the feeling is gone. I didn't care one bit and told her that it was fine by me. I just wanted to get in her pants for starters, but she kinda grows on you like a fungus. She was no fun going out, immature and all kinds of flaws. Still, I gave it a shot.

Wow, you're a fuckin' dick. And you disgust me. Why the fuck would you do that? Seriously, you just wanted some poon? Fuck you.

The relationship had it's ups and downs and although I was primarily dissatisfied during the whole ordeal, it had its moments and there were times when I was truly happy to have her. I put a lot of time and effort to make it work. Too bad I can't say the same of the other party. It takes two to tango after all. Note: She was the one who wanted a relationship in the first place. That's why I gave her a chance. And sure, I began to have feelings for the kiddo.

Oh yes, I'm sure you did. You didn't go into the relationship with the right attitude, but uhp, you saw the light and decided; wow, maybe I should give a shit? I seriously doubt you tried that hard. Kiddo? Weird. Because I say that. And you sound gross. I'm not.

Where were we... Ah yes, she gets up and sits next to me, when she bursts into tears :S. She wants to break up and she's the one breaking down. I comfort her, trying to figure it out. Turns out she can't make the leap towards a meaningful relationship. To define her problem, she can't give her heart, body and soul to someone else. She just can't. I knew this in advance and I hoped it would be different and that something meaningful would bloom, but no. I just have to face it, she just can't do it. I told her that, together with a rant about her other flaws. And then I did what every guy would do, throw her out of the house :P

I wouldn't give anything to you, either. You're gross. I dislike you more than the kids I give hell, at school. I think you, should fall off a cliff and die. You give men a disgusting image. Fuck you.

At first angry about her weak attitude, then lit me a cigaret, followed only by the regret that I didn't fuck her. Plenty of oppertunities, plenty of backing downs on the last second on her side.

TL;DR I just wasted 8 weeks of my life without getting pussy.

At 1/2/09 12:19 PM, Everlasting-Elements wrote: yada yada yada

I thought your job was to give constructive advice, not acting like a prick.

At 1/2/09 12:57 PM, NetWar wrote: I thought your job was to give constructive advice, not acting like a prick.

I did. I came to the brilliant idea that you need to change everything about you before a girl is willing to divulge into you.

At 1/2/09 02:27 PM, Everlasting-Elements wrote:

At 1/2/09 12:57 PM, NetWar wrote: I thought your job was to give constructive advice, not acting like a prick.

I did. I came to the brilliant idea that you need to change everything about you before a girl is willing to divulge into you.

No, you came to the idea that he should die. Unless that's some kind of metaphor for change, you're not helping much.

I partly agree with you though, and I do think NetWar acted like a dick.
I have no idea how you acted towards this girl or towards M, but the part of you that's a dick is the part that makes your choices in girls.

Both your stories are quite interesting for me to read, but not really something I can give advice on (since questions are lacking). However, if I were to give you advice, based on these stories, I'd say you need to change what motivates you.

You see, right now, you're simply feeding your ego. You try to have sex with girls simply to have sex and be able to say that you had it. There is no consideration (as far as I can tell) about what the girl feels or how all of this will affect her (both in the relationship and after).
Right now, you're not even having sex with girls, you're having sex with your ego.

To have sex with girls, is to gain pleasure from giving them pleasure. To think about what they feel and focus on that. The amount of sex or with whom doesn't matter except for when you try to impress others.

What I'm trying to say is, when you want sex, at least take into consideration what girls feel. You can be a dick and get with a girl, but it won't benefit either one of you.

Seriously, read your own stories and ask yourself if that's what you want. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone you don't like, simply because it might get you laid?

At 1/2/09 03:04 PM, Vincoid wrote: No, you came to the idea that he should die. Unless that's some kind of metaphor for change, you're not helping much.

You're right. My apologies. Now that that is done, I want you to know, I still dislike, him. Very much. I think untill you re-evaluate yourself, you should sit under a rock, and seclude yourself from people.
Thank you.

So I started talking to this girl that ive known for a while and I found out that shes actually really cool.

Now theres not really a problem here except she has a boyfriend and im not gonna barely be able to see her cause Im grounded.

and shes already telling me that she loves me. after a week and a half

At 1/3/09 09:13 AM, Shreddy wrote:

At 1/3/09 08:01 AM, CH4ZM4N92 wrote: and shes already telling me that she loves me. after a week and a half

shes either pretty immature or really fucking clingy

i wouldnt get involved with her if i were you. girls like that are bad bad news

It seems that pretty much all girls Chaz gets involved are be bad news :P

Haha i got a thing with girls with boyfriends. i guess its the thrill

At 1/2/09 03:42 PM, Everlasting-Elements wrote:

At 1/2/09 03:04 PM, Vincoid wrote: No, you came to the idea that he should die. Unless that's some kind of metaphor for change, you're not helping much.

You're right. My apologies. Now that that is done, I want you to know, I still dislike, him. Very much. I think untill you re-evaluate yourself, you should sit under a rock, and seclude yourself from people.
Thank you.

Much better :). Apology accepted.

You're both right.

To have sex with girls, is to gain pleasure from giving them pleasure. To think about what they feel : and focus on that.

Yeah, It finally hit me I lost track on that part. Unlike with M, I came into the relationship with the wrong idea and I was primarily out to feed my ego. The happiness of the woman counts, not mine. If she's happy, then I'm too, sex or no sex. Too bad I didn't realize that any time sooner until it was too late.

I loved M, actually I still do. My feelings haven't changed for her, even if she chose for the other guy. With E it was different. In the beginning I couldn't help but to compare her to M. It was too soon after each other (2-3 weeks in between?), that faded though. But, I didn't stop comparing the feelings I got from being in those relationships. With M, I was genuinely happy. She's the kind of woman I could share a lifetime with. And I miss those days being with her. With E, however, I wasn't nearly as happy. And I think part of me blamed her for not living up to my absurd expectations. So, I tried to feed my ego instead of trying to show her a good time.

Today was a bit strange, I actually felt happy that the relationship ended. E required a lot of emotional energy, because things weren't going smooth. All those arguments etc. etc. Not only that, she really wasn't fun going out with. For example, we go to a cafe/restaurant with friends and chow down and she doesn't eat a bite, because she has stomach cramps. Similar situation, when sitting on a terras, drinking a beer, she would be all quiet and such, no socializing or talk whatsoever. She didn't want to go to the X-mas market, because she found it too expensive while she simultaneously claims to need the money for clothing. I could name a lot more examples, but I haven't got all day. Ok, she doesn't feel comfortable when going out, even with friends. I can live with that, I met her on that front and she knows that. But it bugged the shit out of me, nonetheless.

I tried to show her a good time by doing the things I liked. That didn't work, so I tried doing the things she liked. But one can only watch a certain amount of movies on the couch before he falls asleep. Her lack of out going/adventurous nature really killed it for me. Thus, I tried to feed my ego and at least get something out of it. This shows a classic example of bad match. Oh well.

I hope you now think better of me, Everlasting-Elements. Vincoid, sorry for the lack of questions, but the pin point precision of your reply shows you can do without ;). Thank you both for your time.

At 1/3/09 12:18 PM, NetWar wrote: Vincoid, sorry for the lack of questions, but the pin point precision of your reply shows you can do without ;). Thank you both for your time.

No problem, and thank you for giving so much info, it makes giving advice much easier ;)

Also, it's fairly easy to get lost (or whatever name you want to give it), especially if you're dealing with unconscious behaviour.

For future reference, you might want to keep in mind that you can also leave a girl if she's not for you. You (obviously) won't get happy from staying with a girl you don't like, and in the long run, neither will she.

As for the pleasure view on having sex, I've heard quite a funny story on the topic. It's about this guy in a wheelchair, about 21-24 years old, paralyzed from the waist down due to some kind of traffic accident.

The guy in question is never able to walk again, nor able to regain feeling in his legs and genitalia. So this guy is in a nightclub, and as he's moving through the club, a few guys spot him, look at each other and laugh.
He goes over there and asks them why they're laughing. They ask him what's wrong with him and he explains to them his situation. They say to him that they wonder why a guy like him is out there in a nightclub, because a) he can't dance (not really), and b) women couldn't possibly be into a guy who can't feel his dick.

In response to this, the guy laughs, moves away from the group of guys and after a while comes back with a super gorgeous girls. If it were possible, these guys would have their jaws and eyeballs lying on the floor, so hot was the girl.

The guy in the wheelchair and the girl leave and the group of guys stay there, puzzled as to how it was possible for this guy to get with this amazing girl. Maybe an hour or two, the guy and girl come back. The group spots him and approaches him, asking how he got the girl, if he paid her, etc. They need to know how he pulled it off.

So he tells them that, because sex itself can not pleasure him, he spends all his attention on pleasuring the girl, receiving pleasure from her pleasure. He completely lost all interest in himself (as far as ego and pleasure go), allowing himself to focus on the girl and what she likes, thus becoming increasingly more attractive.

So by stopping to look for what you want, you'll eventually receive more of it than you'd ever forseen. I swear man, there's nothing more beautiful than a girl enjoying your presence and the things you do to her.

Keep that in mind and you'll do ok.

At 1/3/09 01:03 PM, Vincoid wrote:

At 1/3/09 12:18 PM, NetWar wrote: Vincoid, sorry for the lack of questions, but the pin point precision of your reply shows you can do without ;). Thank you both for your time.

No problem, and thank you for giving so much info, it makes giving advice much easier ;)

Yeah, I know myself pretty wel :P

For future reference, you might want to keep in mind that you can also leave a girl if she's not for you. You (obviously) won't get happy from staying with a girl you don't like, and in the long run, neither will she.

Yep and I should have ended it sooner. After one month I actually wanted to quit, but I gave her a second chance, trying to see whether or not things would improve. But by improving, she would have had to change who she is. And that is something that I can't ask and don't want. If you can't be yourself in a relationship, then what's the point?

Amusing story.

Right on. I've had that mindset before (also with M) and it always does the charm. It's just that when people don't click in the first place, they start to go off-track. Wait, now I'm lying to myself :P When E told me she liked me, my first thought was 'easy score'. So yeah, I started off on the wrong foot, because I didn't harbor any feelings towards her. It was afterwards that the feelings came.

This reminds me of when I watched Eddie Murphy's Raw show and his cracker analogy. When you don't get any, you don't like her more and so you wait. You wait and wait till you finally get something and it feels like the best sex you ever had. So you marry her and after a while you realize that it wasn't so good. It just felt so good, because you didn't get any and had to wait for such a long time. If you haven't eaten in weeks and someone throws you a cracker, then that cracker tastes like the best cracker in your life.

And then it hit me. I was that guy. Waiting all the time, riding along until I was finally getting something. I didn't have feelings for her (well, nothing serious), I was just enduring her non-adventurous company till something finally happened. In the beginning I even tried pushing her. That backfired. So I waited.

It seems I need to elaborate on the breaking up scene. Read the first story on this page for reference. She wants to break up, tells me the feeling is gone. I, being the last guy on earth to deny the wishes of the heart, tell her it's cool with me. Then she breaks down. I comfort her, asking "Why break up if it only hurts you?". Then she gives me some shit about that she does this in every relationship, that she can't have a meaningful relationship while she actually wants one and that this just happens with all the men in her life. In respons I give a speech on how she's the only one to blame for not having meaningful relationships, that only she decides how she lives. And that's the last thing I told her.

Like I said in the first fragment, she can't give herself to another person, for whatever reason. A shame really, since I do harbor feelings, even love for her (of shallow nature, yes, but nonetheless), despite her million shortcomings, of which her non-adventurous lifestyle being the biggest. I actually told her I didn't want the relationship to end, but hey, she made up her mind.

I might be overthinking matters, but perhaps she is testing me. To see how much I care about her and to see how far I'm willing to go to have her back. You tell me.

Truth is, if that were the case, I don't want her back. We're too different, all that stress and everything... It's too much. I do want her to be truly happy, the way I felt when I was with M, to experience happiness in its ultimate form. I wish everyone on this planet to feel that happiness at least once in their lifetime, for that matter. But, I guess I can't accomplish that feat. I only love her to a certain extent. This is by no means a case of unconditional love.

You know, I tried to regain that wonderful feeling. Alas, I did it forcefully and failed miserably. Egocentric? Yes. Perhaps sex wasn't the target, but regaining that feeling was. And stupidly enough I chose the first to cross my path to accomplish just that. And slowly it began to seep in, that I wanted her to feel that same happiness too. Whether I belong in that picture or not, that doesn't matter to me. I just want her to experience it, to see her truly happy for the first time in her life.

Guess I'll have to wait and see. It's out of my hands now. She's the one who needs to wake up and make the leap for once in her goddamn life. If she can't give herself to someone else, then all her relationships will fade into shallowness, never giving rise to anything worthwhile. To me, that's an extremely sad fate which I don't wish on anyone.

But wait... I don't want her back. Well, maybe. If she could give her whole being and love another person like love is intended to be, sure why not.

So by stopping to look for what you want, you'll eventually receive more of it than you'd ever forseen. I swear man, there's nothing more beautiful than a girl enjoying your presence and the things you do to her.

Keep that in mind and you'll do ok.

Will do. I've regained my view on happiness in a relationship and that the woman's happiness comes first. I've also learned not to toy around with happiness when my feelings aren't genuine. Just go with the flow and I'll get there eventually and with the right person at that. If lust pops its eerie head again, I just gotta find me a whore or wank more. :P

Vincoid (Everlasting-Elements, if you want to join, be my guest), to help you, questions this time:

1. Test? Yes or No + motivation.
2. Difference between seeing someone truly happy and love? Context is up to you.
3. Am I an egocentric bastard or merely human? Trick question.
4. Any predictions? E.g. choose for a life of shallowness, turn around etc. etc.

Awaiting your reply.

2. Difference between seeing someone truly happy and love? Context is up to you.

Make that "Difference between wanting to see someone truly happy and love".

Grammar pffff...

At 1/3/09 03:59 PM, NetWar wrote: Vincoid (Everlasting-Elements, if you want to join, be my guest), to help you, questions this time:

I dislike you very very much, still. I'm very foul with people. It's something you'll have to get used to I guess. The reason I dislike you so much is because you remind me of this guy that lives in my town. I won't drop a little story, because it's part of the past. But the way this guy works, he refuses to let people not know him. I think he does this, because he realizes, after high school, he'll be nothing.
I won't make you, but you can prove yourself to me, if you'd like. How? I don't even know. I tend to dislike people quite a bit. I mean, if I recall correctly, I didn't like Vinc one bit, but I go to him for help quite a bit, now. I realized he was a pretty good guy. Maybe I'll see that about you, maybe not.

1. Test? Yes or No + motivation.

I don't understand the question.

2. Difference between seeing someone truly happy and love? Context is up to you.

I've said this before, but shit, I'll say it again. Love is one of those things, that I don't think I've been able to fully feel. I may have been in love with Makayla, maybe not. I do n't truly know, to be honest. Maybe I just really liked her. To me, you'll know when you are in love. Without a doubt in your mind, the words 'I love you' will leave your mouth. Currently, I've been battling the urge to say 'I love you' to Sarah. The reason? Because I have to think about it. I get scared of her reaction. Which, to me, means that I don't love her yet. Well, I love her, but I'm not IN love with her. I won't think about it, when I really do. The words will just slip away. Same for you.

3. Am I an egocentric bastard or merely human? Trick question.

You're an egocentric bastard, no doubt. But shit, who isn't. Everyone has something they feed their ego with. So really, you're probably a little human. Just a little. But honestly, even me, I get a head of myself. When I realized things weren't so good between me and my ex, I thought the option of sex, would make it better. Shit, was I wrong. We're all a little bit sick. As long as we learn from our mistakes, though.

4. Any predictions? E.g. choose for a life of shallowness, turn around etc. etc.

I don't know. That all depends on you, and her, to be honest.

Awaiting your reply.

Well, stop waiting, now.

At 1/3/09 08:15 PM, bgraybr wrote: I need help in impressing a girl...
The thing is, my usual strategy is to sweet-talk and act cute. But I don't know stuff that usually makes girls say "Ah...that's sweet' she just describes as "nice". She's just to practical and down-to-earth, takes things that I say to seriously. Our friendship is pretty goo, but feel like I need to impress her... or something.

You can impress her by being yourself. You don't want to do things that are out of the norm, because then she can't get a feel for you. Just be yourself, and have fun. If she's not into that, well, kick her out on her ass, and move on.

At 1/3/09 09:00 PM, bgraybr wrote: I think the main problem is, she's already gotten a feel for me, and when I try to do something impressive she just thinks its a weird thing to do. How am I supposed to get a girl that's not impressed with me?

Hey wow, I like how you totally listened. I mean, I do believe what I just said went something like 'You can impress her by not trying'
But since you decided not to listen. I'm deciding not help you.
Good-bye.

At 1/3/09 09:46 PM, bgraybr wrote: I know what you said... I just don't really think it's true.

Vincoid gives better advice.

Vincoid is just gonna tell you to quit trying to impress her.

Enjoy having something you really don't want to acknowledge be the truth.

At 1/3/09 11:33 PM, PhoenixTails wrote:

At 1/3/09 09:46 PM, bgraybr wrote: I know what you said... I just don't really think it's true.

Vincoid gives better advice.

Vincoid is just gonna tell you to quit trying to impress her.

Enjoy having something you really don't want to acknowledge be the truth.

Well shit. That made me feel a bit better.
FYI, if you want his advice, PM him, next time. That's what I do. Damn... kids.

At 1/3/09 09:46 PM, bgraybr wrote: I know what you said... I just don't really think it's true.

Vincoid gives better advice.

If you could properly read, you would notice that the advice given by both boils down to the same thing. E-Elements reply is just the crude, less well-spoken, condensed version.

No offence.

Still, you should take his advice in consideration.

On to my bit:

Test? Yes or No + motivation.

With this I'm refering to her breaking up. That she is testing me how much I do care/love her, at least enough to want her back. If you can figure that out with the information given, please do.

At 1/4/09 04:25 AM, NetWar wrote: If you could properly read, you would notice that the advice given by both boils down to the same thing. E-Elements reply is just the crude, less well-spoken, condensed version.

No offence.

Oh by all means, none taken. For some reason, I like the whole... 'crude.' Made me smile... God damn, I must be a prick?

On to my bit:

Test? Yes or No + motivation.

With this I'm refering to her breaking up. That she is testing me how much I do care/love her, at least enough to want her back. If you can figure that out with the information given, please do.

Eh, I dunno about that. But if she is, maybe you should show some interest. Talk to her a bit, and just hang out. Don't be like OMG I WANT YOU BABY, seriously... don't. I fucked up by doing that. If that tactic doesn't work, I suppose you'll have to resort to a method I call 'Fhuket.'
Basically, with this method, you show no signs of caring. When she speaks to you, speak back in a kind and polite mannor. If she starts her shit, you shut her mouth. In the end, you might get her to want you back... or... You'll look like a huge prick, and for some reason, you'll get over her and find something better.
I'm hoping I answered your question. It's 442 AM, so I'm a bit tired. Tired is bad for my comprehension skill.

At 1/3/09 03:59 PM, NetWar wrote: 1. Test? Yes or No + motivation.

No, absolutely not. If she was testing you, she did it by telling you she wanted to break up. Seeing as you said that you two didn't have to break up and she ignored that, I doubt this is the case.
Also, if she wants you and is testing you, she would never break up to see what you'll do. This means that if things go wrong, she's got nothing, while if she were to stay in the relationship, she could also talk about leaving to see what you were to do.

2. Difference between wanting to see someone truly happy and love? Context is up to you.

For me it depends on what level you're at. For instance, I love women. My love for women translates into me wanting to see them happy (at least the ones I'm interested in).
As for love as in personal, with one girl, I couldn't possibly explain it. Love is a very powerful feeling that is, in it's most simple form, not a whole lot different from wanting to see a girl happy.
I really have no ideas how to explain it to you in detail...

3. Am I an egocentric bastard or merely human? Trick question.

I agree with EE here. We're all a bit egocentric and definitely human, but in what grades differs greatly.

First of all, when it comes to be egocentric, it's very important in what way this shows. You can be a cocky asshole thinking himself better than anyone else, or you could be a cocky guy who thinks he's great but doesn't try to make others feel that too.

As for human, it depends on how you look at it. It depends on how you judge someones behaviour, which in turn depends entirely on your beliefs. There really is no one answer to this question, but then again, I don't think there has to be one. No matter what anyone tells you, it won't change, and knowing how human you are doesn't change a thing either.

4. Any predictions? E.g. choose for a life of shallowness, turn around etc. etc.

Choose for a life of pleasure, yours and hers. It's important to please girls, but it's even more important not to try and please girls you don't like.
Giving pleasure to a girl is a want, and should never be a need.

At 1/3/09 11:33 PM, PhoenixTails wrote:

At 1/3/09 09:46 PM, bgraybr wrote: I know what you said... I just don't really think it's true.

Vincoid gives better advice.

Vincoid is just gonna tell you to quit trying to impress her.

Enjoy having something you really don't want to acknowledge be the truth.

That's right. Trying to impress a girl is MANIPULATIVE. It's being someone else in order to get with her.

What happens if you get with her by being someone else? You'll have to be that person for the entire time you're with her in order for her to like you, because if you don't, she'll quickly lose interest.

What you have to do is make her attracted to you, and one way not to do that is by trying to impress her.

At 1/4/09 04:47 AM, Everlasting-Elements wrote: Oh by all means, none taken. For some reason, I like the whole... 'crude.' Made me smile... God damn, I must be a prick?

That or honest. I'd go for honest.