munio's poetry

[munio]

So i will drop my poetry here, i won't drop all of it since some is way to personal and some is just very, very bad. I'm still experimenting with diffrent styles and topics, and stuff however i do know i have a liking for irony and sarcasm ah well, i will listen to any critique given as long as its actually helpful, i am aware of my grammar problems but you are still welcome to point it out anyway.

First of a piece of prozaic poetry ( again just to experiment with the style):

Hello, yes it's me,
How are you, how are the?
Good doing fine, thanks for asking,

Why you ask? I think you know,
I, we should talk...

Is that really it?
The things we did, time to...
"We" ha, time to move on,
Gone, gone, gone, gone, it's all over...

Say, you do still?..
No way, you must be joking, shut up

No I did want to talk to you its just, wait!
It's the woman
No no, it's not her, it's a lady that's telling me....

Yes?

I know that would we rude,
She's telling me that I'm running out of credit,
We keep in touch,
Disconnected

[lilfozzy]

ummm it was really hard for me to get into this i didn't know what was going on either but it was a good start if I might suggest it might be better if you use a more controlled style instead of spontaneous.

[megakill]

I found your first entry to be very realistic. It sort of screams the kind of frustration that I'm experiencing at the moment.
I'm not sure what you personally intended by it, but i can certainly connect it to a very prominent aspect of my current situation.

Your style was quite choppy, but the theme and message was still quite fluid, so good work there, thats usually quite a difficult feat.

I sort of lost it at one or two points, so you may want to consider giving the reader a few more details to run with as it progresses, just so they've got something to latch on to, but then that could kill the style, so it's your call.

Where as i personally related this to be a relationship between two people, i even made the jump to view it as an inner-monolouge, so it shows it's been written in quite a versitile way.

I'm not sure many people will enjoy this quite as much as i did, because i can understand how it could seem confusing, and not make any sense, but for what its worth, I really did like it, so keep it up mate!

[munio]

At 3/3/10 12:03 PM, megakill wrote: I found your first entry to be very realistic. It sort of screams the kind of frustration that I'm experiencing at the moment.
I'm not sure what you personally intended by it, but i can certainly connect it to a very prominent aspect of my current situation.

Your style was quite choppy, but the theme and message was still quite fluid, so good work there, thats usually quite a difficult feat.

I sort of lost it at one or two points, so you may want to consider giving the reader a few more details to run with as it progresses, just so they've got something to latch on to, but then that could kill the style, so it's your call.

Where as i personally related this to be a relationship between two people, i even made the jump to view it as an inner-monolouge, so it shows it's been written in quite a versitile way.

I'm not sure many people will enjoy this quite as much as i did, because i can understand how it could seem confusing, and not make any sense, but for what its worth, I really did like it, so keep it up mate!

It is intended personally but its not something i personally experienced it's inspired from what a close friend told me.

The style was intended to be choppy, i really doubted for a long time what way to go with it, but in the end i decided to go this way. The ability to fully understand what is said is very personal, it greatly varies from one person to another. It was the intention of this poem i think the diffrence between lilfozzy's and your remark illustrate that perfectly.

Thanks for reviewing

[munio]

Ok this is my second poem, i already showed it to some other people and they liked it way more then i did. It is about a lot of things but it also shows my dislikeing of classic poetry

Light, life
Dark, death

Yet another classic story
honoured life or other glory
legacy in which is written
how the evil forces are smitten

a joyful view on the eternal fight
fortune is for the bringers of light
every fraction of the enlightened shard
is given their poetic reward

an approach of the shadow
is one which we less know
only by death, corruption of war
are most inspired to expose their scar

an unopened book lighted by pyres
with unholy words twitching in the fires
critters in nightmares that make you shout
is that where poems should be about?

A twilight view of two
That's what poems should do
But that's this authors humble opinion
The neutral grounds will never have dominion.

[munio]

anyway i'll just get on with posting some more poems

Evil, good evil

Plunder and pillage.
The cattle and town.
Stir, blood shot eyes that see.
The country ,the hamlet, shack of the poor.
Lucifer calls, "burn it all".
Don't think just do.
And let the flames devour.
The green fields of Ashen'ra.
And the straw roofs munched.
On the clouds of cliffs and clovers.

Morgan who lived.
In these now barren lands.
Looks from above and beneath.
Green, darkgray-een , gray.
And wonders off churchyards.
Of city halls and courts and gutters.
Dreaming of the man whom sees.
His innocence and gentler thought.
His blinding sight of pure white light and insight.
Noblest beast, serene defender, you keep the key.
To the fortune, and paths away from the maple trees.

But in these field and on these day.
Our friend and foe makes his way .
The stage of emeralds he leaves.
Grinning, mind flowing of evil motives.
His lust and reason equally strong.
The fork in the road, or in a tongue
A path to choose a story begun
Harp music escorts this dualistic men.
As he choose to set a world aflame.

[munio]

ok another poem, i used the tsunami from christmas day and the butterfly theorem as inspirations

Butterfly wings
All those things
Butterfly wings

As if they where things

They are they are
The same but not yet
A gentler flap
And she might not have been dead

The butterfly flaps
Unaware of its haul
But this single gentle flap
Was just one storm ago

and another one this one is really experimental after reading cummings
<> (#3)
%EU$$#, **)( _
.....
?!?! + :3 / : EU
+== :::;;""&", "||"
{{\\//}}

~: )~

yeah.. criticism is still welcome

[munio]

and this is my latest work, poetry in D- sharp

D-Day

Ding dong daddy days
Die, death, dadada
Drown dino, don't do drugs
Depraved desperate
Dunno, dunno don't
Desert deserted deserts
Dududududuuuu
Doesn't? damm!
Dreams, dough, Dan da destructor
drastic deviation

[munio]

try this for an metre

Thinking patterns

Noun verb predicate.
Problem, discussion, solution.
Action reaction.
First this then that,
Always this then that
Do thy know that?
Do thy know thy always does this then that?
Don't do that, don't do this then that!
I don't do this then that!
I don't do this then that then something else
I don't do then that this something then else
else then someThing don't do I that then this ?
If this is what I did, I then did this why?

[megakill]

At 4/14/10 12:50 PM, munio wrote:

Thinking patterns

Okay, I like it, but i have no idea why.
It's quite an unusual poem, which is probably what i like, but at the same time, I'm seriously confused. Theres not much i can really offer in terms of advice because I'm still trying to figure out what the hell i just read, but what I will say is that I'm not keen on the use of "thy", but thats just my personal preference lol.
Good work mate!

[munio]

thanks for the comments!
thy was part an aliteration thing amongst others.
Have you considerd the effect of it being hard to understand, but if you don't get it at all i might have a problem

[megakill]

At 4/14/10 05:04 PM, munio wrote: thanks for the comments!
thy was part an aliteration thing amongst others.
Have you considerd the effect of it being hard to understand, but if you don't get it at all i might have a problem

Well I'm guessing the whole point was to break people out of their original thinking patterns, so you made it hard to understand so people would have to think about it in different ways.

[munio]

experimenting with themes and scemes:

Writing

By jotting down these words.
They are given a meaning.
A purpose, a goal, an effect to be achieved.

A written book, funny.
How a symbol had a meaning
,before I wrote down these words.
Like they where fortified in paper... No wait that is a simile

So go on with the poem.
Write some more words.
They are meaningful, they do things.

They do things? They do!
You see? I repeated myself!
I used a stylistic device, to achieve a certain effect, to make the poem more attractive, effective, efficient, adorable, adhesive, and even without, commas.

Do me a favour, and yourself as well
Don't give it any meaning, no little poetic tricks
Might write about other stuff, that's whatever comes to mind but;
it can't be symbolic, poetic, figurative
of course,
a deeper meaning is meant, sorry for that, it is a poem after all.

But if you where given the silly task of reading this poem in class
And are unofficially forced to read it aloud it's up to you how to
I can't tell you to shout it, weep it, say it in a funny voice, declare it like you would with Shakespeare or prevent you from speaking monotonously

I really don't care what you do to this poem,
You might feel the soft and gentle touch of paper and decide it would be put to better use as an plain, or a little swan, or perhaps if you are really creative fold it into something new and interesting or snowball it into the corners of your room
That might be symbolic,
or if ripping this into a thousand pieces is your poetic responsibility do it.
If looking at this makes you fall asleep, this probably did had a function
I would not recommend smelling nor eating it tough this is just paper after all;
minds only register a tasteless piece of cardboard, believe me I tried.

And now for my symbolic conclusion:
It wasn't.

and to all my dutch speaking fans (in case i got any)

Onvolledige willekeur

Over blauwe lucht, groene gronden,
over gele zonnen, oude wonden,
geen onnozelaar te licht bevonden,
Als het rollen van een steen.

Via omwegen en bijverhalen,
waarmee geen eer valt te behalen,
vol gordijnen zonder stalen,
Voor Man of vrouw'lijk babyteen.

Met grootste overwinning staat in alle bladen,
maar zonder immense gruweldaden,
voor diegene die 't al versmaden,
Door de toss die in een mouw verdween

Onvolledige willekeur, ieders eer geniet
IJskoude wetenschap, kil: toch maar niet

[zachdamacman]

I'm confused about the post above. Is the first part a poem?

[munio]

First poem

At 4/22/10 03:59 PM, munio wrote:

Writing

And now for my symbolic conclusion:
It wasn't.
.......

second poem

Onvolledige willekeur

......

Onvolledige willekeur, ieders eer geniet
IJskoude wetenschap, kil: toch maar niet

[TrevorW]

Munio I thought this last post was a poem! Silly me :)

Though in an odd sort of way I kinda liked the idea of it being a poem.

[munio]

At 4/24/10 09:50 AM, TrevorW wrote: Munio I thought this last post was a poem! Silly me :)

Though in an odd sort of way I kinda liked the idea of it being a poem.

it's has some poetic elements in it, especially in the beginning, and it sort of flows into another form

[munio]

Upside down worlds

If we turn things upside down
I still would not be falling
We can't walk plains of other worlds
We are trapped in this maze
I would be lying to you if I said that
my path is clear and I can see ahead
The stair roads are blocked by them walls
There is a way out of these stairs
Where you're haunted by surreal stares

Before anything you must know
There is no world outside these walls
No dreams of escapes to watery falls
No world's gates to pass no borders to cross
'cause
No people to follow, no faces to trust
No reality just generic statues
No personality just an empty canvas
No way I could have started out like that, no way
Some madman is behind this reality
I refuse to believe that
there are,
I refuse to believe that
I am,
I refuse to believe that

I can eat this food
Walking my walk
Sitting around
Living this life

Facing meaningless doors,
'gainst walls that can't be real
sober plants standing

There are more surprises to come
I am breaking down the wall
Every wall
The fourth wall
I can't walk past
And whether I like it or not

You can see me now, but you don't know who I am
I am the figure with the candle
Or
I am The blob with the
Or
The thing, with the bag full of touchable riches, about to open the creaking door

I am talking to you,
Can you think outside the box

if this is what is real?
And it's up to you to decide if it is,

You should know that I believe exactly the opposite

[TrevorW]

and another one this one is really experimental after reading cummings
<> (#3)
%EU$$#, **)( _
.....
?!?! + :3 / : EU
+== :::;;""&", "||"
{{\\//}}

~: )~

yeah.. criticism is still welcome

I have done some pretty extensive study on Cummings, and I have been writing in what I would call a Cummingesque style, and I am not seeing it here. Yes you used symbols and broke the poem up somewhat like how he does it. But do you know why he does it?

[munio]

At 4/27/10 07:58 AM, TrevorW wrote:

and another one this one is really experimental after reading cummings
<> (#3)
%EU$$#, **)( _
.....
?!?! + :3 / : EU
+== :::;;""&", "||"
{{\\//}}

~: )~

yeah.. criticism is still welcome

I have done some pretty extensive study on Cummings, and I have been writing in what I would call a Cummingesque style, and I am not seeing it here. Yes you used symbols and broke the poem up somewhat like how he does it. But do you know why he does it?

i'm not saying i'm trying to immitate cummings, just saying where the inspiration comes from

Als try this for style

evidence

A strike of lightning blind them all.
Pulverising glance.
Demon eyes light up in hell.
Red eyes empty knowing.
Come back, reflect how does this work?
Diamonds filter plates are glowing.
Million little tiny men with the tiniest of chisels.
Each rush to set her anchored, tied to forever.
Shameful pose forever known.
Those bunny ears, they don't need words.

[munio]

Circle
Shy circles never know
No start, no start
Purple heart, over red blood
Red was it, which have been shot
Perpetual falling like steep slides
Child'ren plunging in puddles
Hush, hush said the general,
With a boy in his arms
Puts his gun away "you will be"
Another gun, another time, from victim to hero
"wars don't start son" this is #1