Spindrift23's Campfire

[Spindrift23]

Hello there fellow writers,

I'll be using this thread now and then to share the short stories that I write. Hopefully when they are posted, you guys will help me out with some positive feedback and constructive criticism. As of this very moment, I have nothing interesting to share with you, but I have been running thoughts through my head lately and should have written a story for you to read very soon. Thanks ahead of time for all the help you may or may not give to me!

On a side note, I have been thinking about a new idea. If any of you were to help me out with this, I would greatly appreciate it. To get to the point, if someone were to suggest a character, setting, or theme to me, I would enjoy attempting to build a story around that. So, if you are indeed interested in helping me out with this idea, please send me a private message (refrain from posting the subjects in this thread, I would like to reserve it for feedback/criticism of my work).

[TrevorW]

Nice title and happy writing!

[OrgasmWoodChipper]

At 2/12/10 11:26 PM, TrevorW wrote: Nice title and happy writing!

Agreed. Looking forward to seeing what you dish out.

[Spindrift23]

Normally I do not partake in the creation of poems, but while bored in the doctor's office today I decided to dish this out on my phone.

---
The worm inches along
Among the world he goes unseen
Footsteps move past him
Raindrops fall around him

The world is large
The world is ignorant
But he goes on; he does not falter
His fate remains unaltered

The worm inches along
---

Feedback/criticism would be appreciated from anyone and everyone! Like I said, I do not write poetry. I was inspired by the symbol for the electricity component of "Ohms." The symbol looks like an inchworm and when I saw it, it got me thinking about inchworms.

[TrevorW]

Ok, I have been giving shitty one liners and short response...so let me try to clear that habit.

At 2/19/10 07:58 PM, Spindrift23 wrote:
---
The worm inches along
Among the world he goes unseen

I am not a fan of the word choice here: the grammar of the line just strikes me as off, however I do like what it says. Perhaps it is just me, but I usually avoid these sort of line structures -- I find them awkward.

Footsteps move past him
Raindrops fall around him

Imagery. However some punctuation could really add to the affect.

The world is large
The world is ignorant
But he goes on; he does not falter

The "semi-colon" makes sense where it is and I see why you used it. It makes the line make sense, however it also seems weird because it is the first use of punctuation.

His fate remains unaltered

The worm inches along

Good repetition and full circle.

---

I really liked the simplicity of this poem, it fits with the character. Work = simple creature! Very good.

Now for a non-poet I would say you did very well. Sure this was no Emerson or Poe, but it has merit. I enjoyed it and I think it is simple enough that just about anyone would like it. Very easy to relate to in its simplicity. There is that deep meaning that can be related to people. Nice.

The flow of this poem wasn't half bad. Perhaps you could have used punctuation to benefit your writing, but maybe that would have ruined the simplicity. May you should try it, eh.

Well that was a pretty good start. Keep writing!

[Spindrift23]

I have decided that I would like to share my Senior English research paper on here. Because of its length, I have chosen not to place it within multiple posts.

This LINK will direct you to the download of the file. I have never used this method before so if any problems occur, let me know.

This is honestly not my best work. I typed it up in about two or three days. I'd enjoy feedback and criticism from anyone willing to give it.