I like it so far. Some of the writing is a little cliche but I do like the character design and their models! and the shots themselves are pretty good too. I can tell a lot of work was put into this and I think you achieved good fight scenes, like you said you set out to do in the description. Overall nice job :)
Reviews for "Gunmetal Black Ep 01"
So Cool!!!!!!!!
Hope this gets continued.
good animation, specially the battle scenes, the graphics and models are quite nice as well, but the script, you know, dialog, the transitions from one scene to another and stuff still need some work, they feel a bit forced, kinda don't "flow" like the fight choreographies. Anyway, keep the good work, but also try to improve it.
You know, it's cool and all, watching a high budget animated series put together by some established company, but I love the idea of being able to get the same experience from an online web series featured on Newgrounds. And actually, this experience feels much more personal, much more involving, and I really like that. So I applaud you for this work. Even if the quality of the content turned out to be nothing but average, it takes effort to put something like this together, and it just makes me happy knowing there are people out there trying to make an original series. Props all around.
Now, my comments might have been repeated before, and I apologize if I'm just bringing up what you've already addressed or been made aware of, buuut...
- One thing I wanted to mention was the that 2 on 1 fight scene with the thugs. Because everyone wore a dark outfit, and the environment itself was dark, that lack of contrast between the characters and the background made it hard to tell what was going on in the fight scene. It wasn't a huge issue, but hopefully in future projects, there will be strong contrasts during fight scenes because seeing every detail within a fight sequence is usually what makes me engaged in the moment. For me, anyways.
- Some of the dialogue didn't do much for me. The exchange between the main character and her friend during class, for example, felt a bit bland, a bit short. Too short for any character introduction and/or development, and since it's the first episode, the audience is just being introduced to both characters, so it would've been nice to have a longer conversation between the two, so we can really get to see their character. I know this is supposed to be an action series, but I'd still like to be more invested in the characters. I think this issue might've been addressed if the scene didn't change to the school gym (I think it was a gym). The scene change was unnecessary. We went from the two characters chatting in class, to another scene where the same characters have another chat. All I got out of the scene change was that the main character practices sword-fighting (which I guess is okay, but the intro already established she was a fighter). The gym dialogue could've had a slight alteration and still have been used in the classroom setting, and not have to deal with a random pause in the conversation with a scene change as it currently does.
On a side note, the comedic parts in this episode were hit-or-miss. Some of it felt cliche or just didn't really land, but some of it got a chuckle out of me.
- That actions before the final fight sequence threw me off a bit. Once the mob boss declined the sword offer, the main character got visibly nervous. Then once the baddies came in to attack, she handled them without any trouble. I felt those things contracted each other. If she was nervous, I don't think she would've been able to keep her cool in a fight with ~4 people. Yet if she could take on ~4 people, she shouldn't have been nervous. The same goes for her friend. She was nervous walking into the building, and even moreso once the boss suggested using a friend to help pay off the debt. Yet during the fight, she switches from doing a gymnastic flip over a baddie and dashing to the side, to holding a frightened stance as she just pushes a guy, then back to fight-mode and leg sweeps another. I don't know whether the episode is trying to establish her as a fighter or not.
I just feel that the character's personality should be consistent, and I didn't really see that in this sequence.
Also, personal preference, but in the same sequence, the main character holds up a rod up against the mob boss. I'm sure it was artist intention, but I didn't like how the friend's face got covered up. I think it would have been a stronger image if both characters' faces were visible.
Things I liked...
- Voice acting was great. I read in one of your responses below that getting VAs to stick with your work is a hassle, and understandably so. Hopefully these issues don't happen here, and even if they do, then I also hope you continue the work, regardless. While VAs are a big part of a show, in the end, it's your project, your work that we're witnessing, and I believe you might have something special here to present to an audience. I do feel like something like this can get you noticed.
- Music choice was also good. I mean, I can't say much about this, but the song selected really fit the sequences it was used in. I even Shazam'd a song. So thanks for that.
- The environment was also kinda cool to look at. I don't know anything about the assets available in these animating programs, so I don't know if you constructed the backgrounds on all your own or if some of the objects were built-in to the program, but either way, it was used effectively. The intro scene where the main character narrates while the camera gets different shots of the city was nice to look at. Very bright and colorful. It makes me wish we can to see more of the city. It looks like it could be a cool place to live, haha.
- The action sequences were also pretty solid, and I know they'll continue to improve with the more experience you have with your new (I think it's new?) equipment and software. And seeing how this is an action series, having good action series is vital, and you got it.
Again, overall, I enjoyed this piece, and I'll be eager to see your next work. My criticism might very well just be subjective, and if not, well, I'm definitely being picky about it, but honestly, I think every minor improvement can add up, and it can make an already great series even better. Hopefully what I suggested was of some use to you, for this or future series. And if not, I'm sorry, haha. At the very least, I can thank you for making this. Work like this reminds me why it's a good idea to revisit Newgrounds every now and then. :)
Don't stop animating!
Kel-chan responds:
i'd be curious to see your review of the original concept animation
you can watch it here http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/645882
thanks for the tips. The writer and I both struggled with how to start this series, which is why ultimately I thought of skipping around with episodes because I have some solid ideas for things but starting it is the hardest.
I didnt want to make this quite a comedy like maybe my GPS series but wasnt sure how to come across. It actually would've been easier had I made it dark and gritty but then parts of it wouldnt have made sense.
Also those are good tips I'll look into for the main char- One of the things I have been struggling with is just exactly who she is? Maeko is an average student, but still has alot of talent when it comes to fencing/ martial arts, maybe in a later episode I'll explain why. But her personality is more of a loner even though she's around a bunch of ppl which will make her a reluctant heroine.
She's at the stage where she has ability that shes not confident in. Even though she is a fighter, shes not gung ho about it unlike Harima. This'll be easier to see in ep 24 I think. I guess her archetype, is a hero that doesnt want to be a hero but would rather be like a normal regular person. Same thing with her being a leader. She doesnt want to be one but kind of gets put into that
at 3:38 the roof is see-thru.
anyways good beginning. would have liked a bit more, but i look forward to the next one!