good concept but needs elaboration. needs to be a bit longer for the joke to hit home.
Reviews for "Ketchup Pump"
I have never before, not even a single time, been tempted to post an "Egoraptor much" comment. But this... this screamed it so fucking loud that even after closing the tab that I watched this in and trying to move on, I was literally compelled to come back and say it.
The animation, the humor, the voices... it all comes off as a forgettable shadow of an Egoraptor animation. The humor was lacking at best, and the punch line so obvious that length felt somehow uncomfortable.
I am not trying to sound like an ass, as you clearly have developed a fair amount of skill, but this animation is simply not special or unique in any significant way.
Try developing a more unique visual style, and try to implant humor that goes beyond "screaming at the accurately depicted fuck-stick(s) that infest the world around us." The voices were not mind blowing, but if you are really a newbie, you are WAY better at that than many others I have seen.
EGORAPTOR IS WRITTEN ALL OVerthis
I like what you were trying to do... but your execution is... disappointing to say the least.
I don't mind people being inspired by other artists, gotta start somewhere right? But look, you used the animation style, the voice acting style, the style of a rant just... I'm just saying that this tastes like Egoraptor. This seems to me you didn't even try to make something your own, just make something that has been accepted as funny, which is bad. Something is funny because it's unexpected. Within the first five seconds I knew the whole animation and it ceased to be funny entirely.
On top of that, the animation was a little sloppy. Not terrible, but not refined. remember that's on top of it being a previously used style. The voice acting was also sub-par. The blonde haired character had acceptable, decent voice acting that got the point across but it was a bit... predictable as I said. The character of who I presume is you, the author was choppy and sounded more like an impression of someone than a person talking (*cough* Egoraptor *cough*). The ending was kinda unexpected and different which is good, but the voice acting for it ruined it. As far as writing goes I didn't really like it. It was too simple and vague IMO
I'm not trying to be mean but I just don't think this is refined enough to deserve front page.
You can use animation that's similar, hell, the same as Egoraptor, I'm sure someone before him did it. But you have to change other things. The key is take something that's been done and twist it around and do something unexpected with it.
For Example, "When Peeing" by redminus and Caxx. It's a similar type of plot, slice of life type comedy. But he added some typography in there, then came out of the animation to show a conversation between them about the animation and ended it with a bang using a sudden extravagant statement of redminus himself. Has typography been done before? Yes. Showing insight to the author's thoughts? Yes. Slice of life, yes, strong statements, yes, my point is it's all been done.
Your job as an artist is to create, to take the old and make it new like they did. Or create entirely new things and mix them in with the old. Trying to make everything from scratch is a pass fail situation you should probably avoid until you feel confident enough, since it's easy to break the rules of comedy and make something not funny to others. However in this animation you are struggling from the opposite.
Ultimately, I see potential here. I have a feeling you could be utterly great. So look at others before you who have been successful, learn from them, but be sure to make something from you. You want to make animations that people will know and associate with you. You're own style. So make it your own, experiment a little. What good is it to do something everyone has already seen? Your animation and voice acting can improve with experience but it's easy to get stuck doing what's already done.
I hope you will take these words to heart and that I haven't offended you. Thank you. I hope to see more from you in the future.
P.S. I looked at you're other video on Newgrounds and I actually kinda liked that one. It was simplistic at first but the ending was just what I'm trying to say is good (IMO), unexpected. I thought I knew where you were going with it and then you turned around and made a joke i never expected. I feel that you could be an incredible artist.
LeTravino responds:
This is probably the best review I'll read on here. Brutally honest, but not degrading, and I appreciate it. And to be completely honest with you, my own character's voice was just my own. I didn't tweak it, I didn't speak any differently, and maybe if I did, it would have been better. That's just my natural speaking voice.
But no, no offense taken, whatsoever. I mean, no matter what I do, no matter how great is is, there's ALWAYS room for improvement, and I'm always extremely glad to read beautifully constructive criticisms like this. It means people like you, people I don't know, genuinely care about what I do, and want me to improve and blossom into who I am as an artist, someone people will recognize, with little to no association [discounting collaborations] to other artists and their styles whatsoever.
So, sincerely, thank you for taking the time to watch this, and to make such a detailed criticism of my work. I'll take all of this to heart, and make sure my next animation strays away from familiar art styles, and delves into one of my own creation. If the damn art portal would let me upload the concept art from my new piece, I think a lot of people would agree, it's a lot more my own than this was, in style alone.
Again, I can't thank you enough, I really can't. People like you will help me improve, because people like you want me to, and it's people like you who's advice I'll hold dearest, corny as fuck as it sounds.
Great Now I Have Ketchup On My Shirt :(