talk about bad luck...
neways funny
Reviews for "Fenada 001"
I'm curious why you had to write that second edit, explaining to us that "This is just a character introduction."
I could be reaching here, but it would seem that after watching your cartoon and seeing how others have reacted, you're now attempting to lower the expectations of future viewers. "This is just a character introduction" seems to mask the understated intention of priming new viewers and reassuring old viewers with a less critical mindset. With that out of the way...
The animation and art style are the most positive elements of this piece. I have no doubts that they will continue to grow in a positive direction. The writing and some of the performances, however, could use the most improvement.
Unlike a satire or parody, this cartoon is a genuine reproduction of a well known anime trope. Part of the humor, however, comes from feeling sympathy for the unfortunate bachelor wrongfully accused of lechery. GoldenBoy, Tenchi Muyo, and Love Hina, just to name a few, all have a strong setup for their male leads as sympathetic characters whom we are meant to feel sorry for when the find themselves in peril - sorry, but amused.
This isn't a rule, per se, and you're certainly free to portray your males differently, but I get the feeling that we're supposed to be sorry for Miguel when he winds up in these situations. The way the scene is set up - that is, with contrived shenanigans like a furious male within earshot, or an unintentional groping, or accidental disrobing - simply insists that we recognize Miguel's unfortunate circumstances and laugh at his misfortune. The problem here, is that I do not know whether to feel sorry or vilified.
The way his dialogue is performed and written, he is somewhere between awkward innocence and painfully transparent bullshitting. He could be every ounce the enamored, hapless romantic he appears to be, or just a lecherous rake with one thing on his mind telling a hot young blonde what she wants to hear. The way the scene is written, it could really go either way. If this is indeed a character introduction, I don't know whether to peg Miguel as a benevolent beau or a bastard bachelor. If you are in fact leaning towards the former, as I believe you are attempting to, then perhaps it would help if the dialogue did not seem to be trying so hard to do that. The way it is written right now, it is as though Miguel's words are overcompensating for the fact that we know nothing about him or this young woman, which only hurts his character.
It also doesn't help that a few key details in the scene work against a sympathetic portrayal of Miguel, and instead lead the audience to see him as a rake. While this piece is very short, we can pick up on at least a few bits and pieces of important information. For starters, these two have only just met. Secondly, they're alone and in a somewhat compromising position. Finally, they're seated on a bed, which implies a certain intimacy. Everything in the scene works against reading Miguel as sympathetic. Perhaps I'm just a cynic, but given that we know nothing about Miguel other than these few details, it seems unlikely that he's falling genuinely for this girl he just met. Instead, it seems like he's just after some poon tang.
To reiterate, there's nothing inherently wrong with that kind of portrayal. I only bring up these points because it seems like Miguel is intended to be as innocent and earnest as his dialogue suggests. The aforementioned details about the scene are scarce and do not necessarily drive the alternative notion home. Instead, they come off as coincidental and circumstantial, which results in a disparity of character and confusion on the part of the audience. Are we supposed to feel sorry for him, or be disgusted?
I apologize for being so long-winded and technical. It's very difficult at times to nail what exactly there is to improve in a flash which is less than a minute in length, especially when the main point of criticism is a disparity of character.
I think you have a good idea here, familiar as it may be. Keep improving.
What the fuck was that.That was fucking weird.
ok, funny concept, a lil short, but Ohhhh GOD !! the yelling voice, the yelling voooooice!!!!!, had to turn down the volume each time she yelled, im looking forward to see the next episode with a better female voice
It's Newgrounds. Evrything is pretty much well received. This is a bunch of stolen convetions from traditional anime, but I wouldn't mind seeing a longer episode since it wasn't badly put together.