As requested, old friend.
The first 2 minutes of this....have been amazing.
I am having trouble leaving my body but then I see that possibly there's something good in this world around the...3 minute mark or something I'm guessing. I feel invigorated to do something, but am surrounded by darkness even as I step into the light. I feel myself being drawn toward something outside of the darkness, and it feels regal and electronic. I sense that being a master musician would be a great accomplishment, I see my fingers thumping on the keys, and flashes of brilliance. I feel on top of my career, yet something is missing, something human and within arms reach. The electronics take over and its on to forgetting myself and worrying about music, yet the depression mutes even the brilliance. A constant fight against the waves and we're only a 1/4 of the way through. Getting closer now..to something...anything for fucks sake. Just keep driving, keep that pedal down and hopefully we'll get there... and the music disappears again.
Alone again, with just my thoughts and a small quiet beat to keep me going, probably losing focus on my career and loves and hopes, to fade out into nothing.........no friends. No family. No hobbies. No feelings. Just me in a world of shadows. I am cold, and alone, and only want someone.
A tide washes up against this beach, this desert island that I've made my home over these long years. I don't even know how to interact anymore with other people. The rescue boat sways in the waves as it cuts towards civilization. I shiver in a blanket and sip cocoa, staring out at the waves. The time I was alone was forever. I contemplated suicide, but it seemed boring, and plus I held out hope that someday rescue would come and I could go back to being a normal human. That wish seems so far away, so vague. What is normal anymore? I have been gone so fucking long.
I steady my resolve, a broken man slumped against a wall with nothing but a blanket and beard to his name. I stand up, facing the morning sun at the 12 minute mark, and I see the birds flying over the harbor. I hear the foghorn off in the distance and I know that this is not my destiny. But what is my destiny?
I remember terrible things that I dare not repeat, I feel the haunting sacrifices I've made to take this secret to the grave, and as the birds fly I notice they are crows sent to watch over me. The devil has its claws in my past, present, and future. God is going to voicemail, and Jesus isn't online. I don't know who to turn to, but I feel the evil around me swelling and growing. Its overwhelming. My eyes dart from left to right as the town turns to fog and I am alone at the 15 minute mark.
Clouds of black acrid smoke choke me and as I aspyxiate on the ground I see the reason for all of this. It was never about the happiness, it was about the sadness. Confusion grips me and I jump in headfirst and swim swiftly for the bottom of the ocean. Pain grips my lungs and all that is heard is the blub-blubbing of the air leaving my body for the last time. Finally, some peace.
