Well...
You need to work on the faces. Seriously the faces look like a guys head was just in a blender. Secondly, try making your own story. Nearly the only people who watch this are SC nerds (including myself) and it would be boring to watch the whole story again. Lastly, do not make zerglings the size of cars and scvs like buicks. seriously watch the intro for brood war and you should have a good idea