And then they took a big fat dump after being constipated for days. The undisolved skeleton clumped in a mass so big it tore their green lizard asshole with awful anal fissures. They had to push it out hard, and that caused hemmheroids. The next few months were decidedly unglamorous, and police kept questioning them about the disappearance of the duck. The heat was closing in. The feds know that they're hiding something, but they insist that they're only squirming in their seat because of the coincidental ass pain.

They aren't buying it. Forensics pulled featherprints at the scene. This charade won't drag-on for much longer...