from what i can tell, you're still a learning artist. that's totally okay. but i can't tell what's happening in this at all. there's so much i could talk about and i just don't think pointing out every little thing will help you right now. but, i really suggest you work on learning how to storyboard and possibly collaborate with others in the future. doing this will help you plan out how long scenes should be and what you should keep/take out of your animation before it's already finished. keep uploading your stuff and working on your art, but i can't rate this any higher without being dishonest with you.