Hi there! There're a lot of you! What are you munchin' on over there? Ah. I thought it was potted meat for sure. All right then... Take a little break from your meal, and let's play Make Believe. Imagine that you're a rich manufacturer... transporting spices and brocade fabric by ship. Long voyage, comfy cabin, vast sea: beautiful. But one fine day, rats under the deck started crapping in your spices and gnawing on your precious fabric. What are you gonna do to get rid of these wretched pests, hm? Simple: You put five rats in one barrel, lock 'em in there together for a couple o'weeks... Until the only thing left in the barrel is one single rat. Who gobbled up his brothers when he got hungry. Now we have what? Right, we have a cannibal. Somebody that, out of all possible meals prefers, what? Right. The meat of his own species! Now you release him in the hold and... True genius is so simple.

Hamsters, wolves and some cats eat their newborns — and for them, this behavior is completely normal. Adorable little lemmings falling to their deaths when there isn't enough food to go around is also normal, right? To say nothing of the fact that meat from one of your own species digests far better than any other food thanks to the similarities in protein and salt composition of the victim and the eater. By the way, cannibalism as a cultural phenomenon has never disappeared from our little planet. We're all aware of its religious and sexual forms. But it's a rather exotic topic for curious people and field experts. Yet we, the genuine humanists, dismiss their absurd narrow-mindedness and fickle moral qualms, because, we are much more focused on the economic dimension. Ya better listen up!

The biggest problem faced by humankind is not global warming but overpopulation and famine. In the last fifty years, the total number of people who were born and died equals the births and deaths in all the rest of human history. In other words, we're getting a bit too many. You get what I mean? The terrible day's coming when all the wimps are going to learn... We — are our own food. In underdeveloped societies, the cannibalism will happen - randomly, on the principle of "who can I catch?" Pretty much the same as how they mate. But for civilized societies, it — should and certainly will be a more industrial process. Just imagine: Farms, spacious and well-lit, where in comfortable stalls, utilizing the latest technology, they breed select two-legged live stock.

Ya know, the animals who permit themselves to become food end up as the winners in the mortal interspecies battle for control over the planet. Did you know that? How many tigers are on Earth? Not very many. Lions? How 'bout bears? Very few. But now riddle me this: how many cows live on Earth? There are billions of them. Understand? Now, listen up. Has it ever occurred to you to wonder who might have already started the process of turning us into livestock? Physiological and sociological conditioning is already happening. Just look at this: Cultivation of stem cells — is one. Use of serum from abortive material in medicine — is the second. Popular movies about the living dead devouring human flesh — three. Laws about euthanasia — four. Shawarma or gyros made from who knows what sold on every corner — five. Do you know for sure what that stuff is?

There's no need to be scared of this bright future. No crisis will menace us ever again. The vegans and the tree huggers'll be downright giddy — nobody'll harm their beloved animals anymore! Although maybe those vegans and greenies will go into the very first batch of universal protein ration. Huh? Give it a think.