Your art style is on point but the story is way too long and not that engaging or funny.
I understand what you're trying to do with the minimalistic animation/animatic to go along with a story but you need to have more diversity in your choice of frames and composition.
50% of the shots are the exact same shot of a blonde guy not even moving on the right side of the screen.
Anyway, it has potential and your art style is aesthetically pleasing for the most part so just keep working at it.