Neurotica Intro

Share Collapse

Author Comments

Update: Added scenes, fixed stuff, added extra detail, and had to change music due to length. New computer so will be picking this up soon.

Concept opening for a short series id be working on if it were not for me having to rely on graphics gale because my computer blew up. :(

Janet is a 19 year old neurotic burnout who lives with her emotionally abusive mother near the outskirts of the city Lilith. Lately a bizarre string of mutilations have occurred throughout the city.

Music: bsd.u - late night bumps -- 07 last summer

possibly will elaborate on this specific video in the future.


Okay, for starters, good work... You've got the basics down, imagery, quality audio without being overbearing... Runs smoothly.
The thing that makes this hard to offer critique or help on is that it... well... It just has too many possibilities without actually drawing toward any hint about what you want to say with your work. Okay, I know it's a preliminary thing so it's still WIP, but this is where I think you want to focus further attention. You intro'd the 19 Y.O. burnout and her emotionally abusive mom... Um... Which one was that in the video? I don't mean that in a spiteful or disrespectful manner either. Just think for a moment... I saw a reasonably conservatively dressed woman smoking a cigarette and staring at a sunset literally like a huge great portion of the population does from time to time here on planet earth. Burnout? Emotionally scarred neurotic? If that's her, you might seriously need to watch a few hours of binge over at Ill Will Press (or search "Foamy the Squirrel" on YT) and yes, there are literally hours available. For a good start on your burnout, check out Germaine in the series and make tweaks from there, you'll be able to sell me "burnout, emotionally scarred (or bankrupted) neurotic"...
On the other hand, if you were trying to sell me the emotionally abusive mom... It's possible, but I might suggest you check out a few of the "heels" in WWE (or earlier and other leagues or syndications) She's going to need a little more weathered and severity in her expression, at the very least. Emotionally abusive people usually have a couple reasons for their abuses :
1 . The abuser is damaged and hurting (secretly) so to protect the self, he/she pushes and abuses others before they get the chance to so abuse.
2 . The abuser is legitimately without feelings and is either studying others in the course of abuses to learn what's missing, or having understood the missing emotional context, is furiously jealous, lashing out for lack of better coping mechanisms.
There's likely a few other ideals and theories as well, and this is the basic list in my own experience, but you can hunt and find what you're looking for and make the points your own. No matter what the reasons, by adulthood, an abusive type has gained a few limps and scars from retaliations for any such a past. The exact details are rhetorical until you set the story to your own stone (so to say)...
The city name, Lilith, seems to have a darker connotation (insinuation?) to me, but I might have my head stuck too deep in folklore. I might suggest implanting something relatively disturbing in the intro' visually to let the nature of the character show through her reaction (or lack there-of).
Finally, I'm not going to tell you that you simply have to paint the character's hair any funny colors, nor that she should be bald and fat to show her level of emotional turmoil. And no, it doesn't matter what season nor episode you watch of Foamy and Germaine's adventures... I'm hoping to point out that you need something visual to sell the character in the intro' so it can do it's job as an intro', you know, short for introduction? Anyways, I think this is enough to think about, and for what it's worth, I hope I've helped you find some directions or even maybe a few ideas shook loose.
I do offer my sincere condolences for the computer, and wish you the best. Don't forget to breathe, relax, even laugh a little... and keep on keeping on.
You can get there from here!

People find this review helpful!
Colydon responds:

Thanks for your response! I guess I should have given more background on what my intent was for this. I wanted this whole project to be a series, so this small blip was just meant for after the opening of each episode (will take your advice and rework her appearance, maybe a grungy flannel). As the narrative goes on her daily life would become apparent to the viewer. There is also much more going on in the story that I simply didn't want to add to the description (reason for the mutilations occurring) because, well, its all very vague. Its going to be very confusing at the start and people will probably gripe about it but ill be giving concise hints as to whats going on. With that being said, I wrote the outline now i'm just putting it into script format. Thanks for the thoughtful feedback! I was particularly insecure about how good the quality of the animation was.

also yes! lilith being adams first wife, some symbolism that relates to the ending

Click on an icon to vote on this!

Credits & Info

2.65 / 5.00

Dec 28, 2016
12:35 PM EST