The basic structure for a story is here, with the joke and punchline. However, some kind of build up and reversal of expectation needs to be more clear. For example, what if there's a few interesting shots of him looking like he's warming up to the advert and feeling remorse, only for him to go back to his old habits and scream for his mother?
For it to feel like a story, all it needs is some kind of change or reversal to what happens in the second "act". Otherwise, all the elements here- the static camera shots, the neon lighting, the two dimensional backgrounds- actually work pretty well. It's just the execution that needs work. And I know this because I suck at it, too. Keep going, man- the imagery is really strong here.