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Sanctum Ep1

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Talon Ezra Space pirate extraodinairre gets in a bit of a pickle and almost gets caught by Commander Veldrate of the Merza Imperium. Luckly she and her ship A.I. "M-5" or "Emmi" escape the clutches of the Imperium...for the moment.

***A bit about this***

A while back I was going to start a Star Wars series, I scrapped that project and instead morphed the story into something a little more original but it still has some obvious shoutouts to starwars. I talked with a guy KuroNeko and he had a premise for a story and so we tag-teamed it and wrote this intro to a series.

Depending on if y'all like this or not I can continue this. Next year I will be doing all series work. So it will either be Kagemusha, GPS, and this. No more separate shorts.

As for the animation- I made this before I made Kagemusha so some of the animation is a little stiff. Also I rendered this at 30fps vs Kagemusha which I'm doing at 15fps- So it may be a little smoother in segments.

I couldn't have done this without the amazing VA skills of Marissa Lenti. Check out www.marissalenti.com.

I hope to do alot more collabs with her in the future.

Should you feel the need: My patreon http://www.patreon.com/user?u=102503

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What happens when you cross RWBY with a science fiction space genre.

Not bad at all, but it certainly can use some improvements, in turns of the animation and to some extent, the sound work. Voice acting is pretty decent though. That sword-gun concept, ever reminiscent of Blake's weaponry from RWBY. Nicely used Kei-chan.

The animation has already been commented on in previous reviews. It's not that bad, but could use some smoothing out around the edges.
My main problem is with the script, and how it un-rolls. No expositions are given to inform the viewer as to what the hell is going on with, at the very least, her tech; nor the story. It seems that the protagonist is sooo bad arse that she's never really in any danger, which allows the viewer to roll their eyes through any opposition she encounters. the writing has holes in it, or so it appears to the viewer; even though we're to believe her ship has an A.I., It lacks in processing power, Yet is still fast enough to do little more than feed the protagonist with insults of un-witty nature without providing any real help.
Make the protagonist bleed and you might have a hit {make it so that she appears to be more human, and thus more relatable to the viewer by dropping the impossible flip fighting crap we've all seen a billion times over, and make her a bare knuckle scrappy "only hard fights are won" kinda girl with little to no tech that doesn't seem to fall apart around her (like her useless a.i.), and people'll bite deep into this}. she also needs allies {people to spread her unhuman abilities to in order to water her down a bit (so she's more relatable) yet still retain the level of badassdom that you're attempting to cook up}. And we've all seen the sword so many times it makes us want to puke by the time it pops out. she needs a more original weapon. something you don't see everyday {as a nerd}. something like... I don't know: a fire tech mace. or an electric set of claw gloves, or something.
{However:} TEAM OF UNIQUE PERSONS ABLE TO BE ALMOST UNSTOPABLE DUE TO THE WAY THE SUPPORT EACH OTHER= Still done, but makes for more options in the direction you want to take this by giving you the ability to spread the awesome around some, thus making the characters more relatable.
also, Your baddies are borderline mental ill. You need a bad guy that can match wits with the protagonists. Not one that's going to send in one team he knows is going to die. don't even get me started on sending in teams one at a time.
Head my words, and release another one with these changes, and watch what happens.

Kel-chan responds:

I'm glad the main problem is the script and just studdery animation which I can fix and am more concerned about.

As for the script, I don't care since I didn't write it or come up with the premise.

Thats all KuroNeko. And this is why I don't usually do suggestions from people on making series or whatever. I only did this because at the time I had writers block and didn't know what to do and also wanted to do something challenging to practice learning more 3d animation.

Anyways in the story, most of what you say just hasn't been shown yet. Main char dies next episode and her niece and nephew inherit her ship and all her crap. They form a crew and go on a revenge quest.

I could have mashed Ep 1 and 2 together but the result would be 15-20 minute ep that would have taken forever. People on NG just don't have that kind of attention span and I don't have that kind of time to waste on someone else's story that I'm not 100% into.

Overall it was well done for an 8 minute video. Congrats on that.

The animation was a little stiff sometimes and sort of lacked fluidity. And as another reviewer said, it felt a little floaty. But I've no doubt that you will remedy that in future episodes.
However, the action sequences were well done and easy on the eyes and sort of covered that up to an extent. You should be proud!

Sound is nice, if not a little spotty. Great in some areas (like most of the voice acting), not so great in others (some sound effects).The main character especially, her actress did a good job with her role.

Overall, well worth the watch. I'm not sure what the story is or where it's headed, but no doubt you'll elaborate further in the coming episodes.

The movement on the characters was really floaty. You should brush up on your basics like anticipation and follow through. Most of the walk cycles looked incredibly stiff and wieghtless in that there was very little to no weight shift in the shoulders or waist when they walked. The voices were decent, and the sound quality was high, but the mixing could have been done a little better. Whenever the soldiers stopped shooting the noise seemed to cut off. The story seems pretty uninspired overall and the animation itself was chuck full of anime tropes. There is nothing wrong with that, but you probably shouldn't be so heavy handed with it.

On the other side, the world this occurs in seems interesting and just the fact that you were able to produce something that was 8 minutes long is quite a feat, and in 3D no less.

This could have been a lot better and I am 100% sure you have it in you to make a much better film for the next episode. I am excited to see what you can do.

The animation was too jumpy/choppy.. It really bugged me, but i understand the difficulties of timing with 3d animation. The voice acting was very solid but the sound effects (specifically the gunfire) would just end abruptly, to me it just seemed like laziness with the audio editing. The overall style of your characters and their personalities weren't bad though. Keep it up!

Credits & Info

4.12 / 5.00

Nov 7, 2014
11:53 PM EST