UnTown episode 1 pt. 1

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Hello everyone, I'm quite new to using newgrounds and I've been wanting to submit a cartoon for a while now. Here it is, part 1 episode 1 of my original series "UnTown". Its about a boy who faces a traumatizing experience but then later finds that him and his new best friends are the key to stopping a mysterious world threat.

This could've been out earlier, but I've had major computer issues with rendering it. It currently left a few errors here and there but this is still enjoyable in my eyes and hopefully to yours too. Part 2 will be much better, because I will use a newer computer to animate with.

enjoy :D

Visit my Youtube channel when ya get the chance!

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Ah yes, finally Untown has premiered on Newgrounds. Not bad for a first one.

Like the other guy said your Pre-loader does seem to do something weird, it's flickering. That old laptop sure has had some super natural effects on your projects. Still when it's done it you can play it perfectly fine!

I'm still seeing some errors with the text that you didn't fix on your end. Such as the one at the very beginning which says 'presents'. A lot of bad habits here and there that I've previously brought to your attention. An Original EEFF production is also a bit off center for when you changed the font. Sound is a bit off but works owkai ish.

Oh god those phlorescent red tongues, they must be stopped in episode 2! hehe
Still suffering from a lot of unclean lines where you overlap them and cut poorly. It would also have been nice to see some shading, if you're going for a simple art style then it must be clean. That's why I go for a slightly more detailed art style so that you can't see the errors all that much (although I fix most of them anyways hehe). The lines are also very varied in size, not ideal. It doesn't follow the varied outline logics and seem to be composed out of pure necessity to have the line exist.

The humour is decent but some of the jokes were a bit forced or unnecessary and just ruined what would otherwise have been a good joke. "Eh, borderline Smosh joke." :C

Oh and 'Jordan Scavone' as Spokeniss steals the show, really great job on his part. He makes Spokeniss have so much character! Seriously can we just watch him cause mischief for the entirety of Untown? *****

Craig is also really good, 'CooperQuick' does a pretty good job at portraying his annoying yet likeable character.

The part where Craig is showing off all the locations, the music is a bit on the loud side.

When the character turn their heads their a little stiff and it would've been great to see some proper in-betweens. The sound is a bit out of sync here and there. Especially at the dinner scene.

Whoever did Nace's voice did a crap Job. Sorry m8!

Overall; Animation and drawings quite lazily done, I hope your new computer will give you some space to properly spend some time drawing everything to a better standard. That opening with the increased speed is something you should've abandoned long ago. Royalty free music is alright but remember to credit them or not based on the license, Unless it was a CC0 license. Overall presentation fairly owkai, for a first part I think this may be a little too vague, you really should've animated the pep-rally event going wrong at the end.

3 Stars. (Eh, not bad but not terrible either. Good job for a first one.)

PallidCrest responds:

Welp, you sure took up my whole feedback box with this XD, But I appreciate it! Maybe with my new computer, I'll spend more time making the character models more better drawn. Plus we don't know if the old models will work pretty well with the new computer. And yeah I was a bit lazy with the turning heads, I should've made better in betweens XD now that you see it.

But yeah, I'll take these recommendations. although it might take a lot more time to animate part 2 lol. Welp new computer, new start!

You preload seems to be broken...

Credits & Info

3.32 / 5.00

Oct 25, 2014
10:04 PM EDT
Comedy - Original