i have one question? what are you trying to convey? what is the purpose of this poorly done manga. surely you could make it into a 3d game book or perhaps an RPG?
Author Comments
!- This is the 2nd ep for part 2 -!
kurumi matsuokais living alone her father ran away and left a debt one day some one gets inside her apartment and attacking her and then carl black a young detective saves her...
shokomomi responds:
im trying to tell a story nothing more and i hate 3D cgi is my most hated thing in this world i will never work with that i find 2d beautiful this story is one of the many i wrote i have so many versions of that story and now im trying to show that story in only one version here im sorry that it is still no good but ill try to improve thank you for reading~♪♫(by the way this is not manga only its style manga is a comic book)
Really dude what is this both have the ending there is no climax
could do better
shokomomi responds:
well it is only one chapter are you sure you read the others too? but thank you for reading~♪♫
This seems to be a bit more improved over the last installment I reviewed. There is a choice involved, which is nice (I mean it doesn't really change much to the story, but it's refreshing). The artwork, like before (even though I didn't mention it) is still good... actually, it seems improved, seeing as the characters' poses are more varied. As well, I understand that sound can't be implemented due to your computer; I just hope that if you happen to get a newer one, you could consider maybe putting in a theme or general sounds. Finally, it also seems that the grammar is somewhat improved, though only slightly. Overall, it looks like you are improving and growing; with time and effort, I think that this visual novel series will get better, though I probably can't ask for something similar to the Persona or Phoenix Wright series.
shokomomi responds:
OMGOSH thank you i worked hard to try to improve even the slightest bit i could i know it still has a long way to go but i will try my best to improve~♪♫
the option is funny but if the entire game only has 2 options you maybe better making movies i would watch this if it was a series of movies on newgrounds
shokomomi responds:
you are right about that i wanted to put more options but this ep doesn't have much plot so i could only put that one i'll try my best on the next ep~♪♫
it was good. It reminds me of fairy tail but that's not a bad things.
Obviously it lacks sound.
Art is great but it seems that it really takes you too much time to make an episode, maybe you should make less illustrations and more text (eventually with choices) like illustrations for key-moments only
How it actually is, it's hard to really get into the story 'cause it is really too short and shows not much of plot progression.
Well, it's up to you.
Good stuff anyway. And as i said your artstyle is cool imo.
shokomomi responds:
thank you \(\\T^T\\)/ it didn't take much time i was just lazy im sorry i was like nah i'll do it later and look what happened bad me bad me it is impossible to my stupid computer to put music for some reason that a problem too.♥♥♥