you have the right idea. you really do. you use an egoraptor style of jump/bounce on character motions, and it works fine. the thing that i saw you were missing was a visual direction.
you reeeeeally need to know how to show a joke to the audience without telling them through other means. the angles, the edits, the jarring color schemes and close-ups all problems when shoveling a joke's payoff onto the audience,
try to come up with a way to show the joke happenning in a way that isn't flat and disinteresting.
other than that, i liked it. good job.