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Kirby Short 1

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This is the first in a series of Kirby short cartoons. This is my first Flash animation to not use sprites.

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AdventAxl Con-crit

As I stated in my response on your review on my Kirby Short, I am doind some con-crit on it.

For starters, the preloaders should have a play button afterwards, especially if there is a replay button at the end of the flash.

That's another thing, buttons. It doesn't have to be words that a flat or words at all. Like in my short the play button is Kirby and Waddle Doo while the replay button is somewhat hidden by the words "You'd like that wouldn't you" to give the impression that there isn't one, but clicking the fishing Waddle Doo you'll see that isn't the case. I used my Graphic Designer sense on it. Making it unique will also catch others eyes. like when you roll over the button it does something different. (like when you roll over the buttons in my version), you can control it as long as you have an idea on what you are doing with buttons. (I was an idiot when I 1st started on flash and messed up my button somehow) :P

Onwards to the animation:
- Everything seems pretty slow. If you polish out the motions and lower the fps it rill have it run faster and look better.
- The environment does suit Kirby or Lololo & Lalala's appearance. What I did was study Kirby Stages and made my own. I used the beach stage while the layout is similar to the very 1st stage in Nightmare in Dreamland, the background was all me (clouds sun, sunset, water, etc.) The bg should match the characters, to make it look convincing that you know the characters well.
- The Textbar moved slow, no offense, but I don't think people read that slow. I'd have to admit, the bar went down a little slow too.
- His swallowing sounds come from a handheld Kirby game. Anyway, Kirby needs to match the sound used.
- His swallowig motion doesn't match how Kirby usually does it. I recommend replicating sprites or studying Super Smash Bros. Brawl to make it accurate. IMO accuracy is key. I also recommend making the food go in to his mouth quicker.
- Since Kirby is small the bathroom shoud be huge compared to him. It would also be funny if he had to jump up there to puke (BOOMER!!! *Explosion*)
*Ahem* where was I?

The bathroom was a pretty plain setting, it's a start on making it the opposite of cute and cuddly. I recommend using color and stains on the walls to make it more convincing.
- The vomit should be more than stars, a rainbow would be hilarious also the pace should be sped up.
-Lastly since people on here expect a plot, making it a tad longer would make this a flash impressive. Not 5 mins or so, but 35 seconds at the least.

I hope this helps!

Nice start

Nice twist on Kirby's overeating habits. Your animation is pretty good for someone starting out.

gszx1337 responds:

Thanks for the compliments! I read some from a Flash CS3 book, that might be why I did well. :P

Pretty good

For your first flash not to use sprites it is pretty well done. (and I'm giving you a 7 instead of 5 because of this and I want to see how you improve as this series continues :) ) Several comments that I would like to make include :
If you could increase the text display speed slightly it would be much easier to understand, right now I was reading the individual letters instead of words. Though this problem seemed to get better later on in the movie.
Also a play / repeat button would be greatly appreciated, I wanted to watch the movie again, yet couldn't.

Side note that doesn't take anything away Kirby has an interior universe as you'd probably see if you watched a couple episodes of the 4kids tv show :)

I am definetly looking forward to your future flashes :) keep them coming please.

gszx1337 responds:

Thank you for the constructive criticism. Now to respond to your comments:
I never really know how fast to make the text displays. This is a problem I had back when I made sprite Flashes. I can't keep these consistent. I'll go to the NewGrounds Animation Forums and see if I can get some hints/tips on that.

I didn't put in a "Play Again?" button in because I didn't think anyone would want to watch it more than once. :P I should be able to add one in quickly.

As for the interior Universe, I actually remember seeing that episode of Kirby: Right Back At Ya! when it was first aired. As far as I'm aware, there's no canon for the Kirby series so I took some liberties with how Kirby disposes of his enemies.

Hope to hear from you again on my future submissions. ;)

Good job. :)

It was a good movie for your first time flash not using sprites. Good job. :)

good for first.

I like jingling my balls
and rubbing shit on the walls
don't mean there's something wrong with me.

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Dec 9, 2010
10:31 PM EST