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TW: The Final Expedition

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12 years since his last adventure; Todd walker and his son Henry walker decide to go settle down in a peaceful village, but peaceful is the last thing the get when they finally get there.

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Storytelling Carries the Day

I was initially going with a 6, but I opted for a 7 because it is obvious you put a lot of effort into this flash. Your ability to tell a story is what won me over. The story is somewhat predictable. As a fan of Sergio Leone westerns, I pretty much knew how this would end. There are a couple of holes in the plot as well. The glaring one is why the villains ran off after gunning down Todd, instead of either going into the crypt or waiting for Henry to come out.

The art is a bit above average, but progressing from earlier works. The sound editing was uneven at times, especially in music transitions. You should make sure to credit the sources of all the music you used, or find open source music you can use in future animations.

One thing that would really improve your storytelling is to work with subtle nuances in the characters. Emotion comes through several times, but not enough to really be effective. I would have gone higher if nothing else changed except for more expressive characters.

I would say this piece represents a coming together of your skills. Since the story in this flash is somewhat derivative, I'd suggest working hard to tell an original narrative. But give yourself a pat on the back. If even half the artists who submit to NG put the effort into their flash work as you do, it would be a really kick-ass place.

savage011 responds:

that means a lot to me, im happy to know that ive actually told a decent story to make up for my bad art skills, thanks a bunch man you've really helped me with what i need to do in the future.

A story well told.

An excellent story. The music went very well with the setting, the one exception (and the one that might get you in trouble) being the little wind instrument riff that plays when Todd dies. Not only does it not match, I'm not sure that it isn't copyrighted, since Nickelodeon uses it in one of its cartoons...on TV.

There are only two things you might want to improve. First is to clean up your line art, but that might just be a matter of practice. Second (and more important) is text.

It is also easier and faster to understand a picture than a whole sentence. Don't use text unless you have to. Every bit of text here could be removed (or replaced with squiggly lines) and it wouldn't have any effect.

The two exceptions are the sign in front of the mine (maybe skull and crossbones instead?) and the "6 years later", which you should keep. I would try to find a more "Western" text than Times New Roman though.

savage011 responds:

the wind instrument was from avatar the last airbender, i couldnt help myself not to use it. And thanks for all the tips you gave me, especially on the text thing, your right, just using picture would be alot better.

Unexpectedly Good...!!

Horrable drawings and animations..as you didn't know already..lol...but Excellent storyline..I guess its because I played and liked Red Dead Redemption..Its ok since you gave respect to John Marston(R.I.P)..lol...I gave an extra star for the music..smartly done...

savage011 responds:

i loved every single thing about red dead redemption, thanks for the review, and thanks for not judging it just based on my shitty drawing skills lol.


You have definately come a long way. And considering how impressed i've been with your earlier work as well is incredible. The effort that you have obviously put in. The way you can tell a story without using words. The way you subtly portray emotion and personality. The ability to hold attention throughout such a lengthy overall outcome. Never a dull moment and every scene, in it's own way, unique and something really special.
Engaging, outstanding, inspiring. Hoping for more.

savage011 responds:

its nice to see a review from you again horny henry! and thanks a lot for all the compliments, im actually really happy you said all of those things because i was skeptical of this piece at first, i hope my future work can continue to impress you :)

Great story telling

Despite the number of poor audio cuts, the general animation skill level, and a few other issues ... your ability to tell a great story without dialogue was excellent. The entire piece was story boarded very well, and I loved the mix of common and not-so-common plot cliches, the combination worked very well for this type of piece.

savage011 responds:

thanks alot ricepirate, especially for the contructive critisism, because that'll help improve

Credits & Info

3.55 / 5.00

Nov 20, 2010
5:47 PM EST