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Diary Of The Dust - PT.1

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rated 3.35 / 5 stars
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Credits & Info

Uploaded
Jun 15, 2009 | 1:07 PM EDT

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Author Comments

Yay!
Best flash yet I think.....

EDIT: focus on the story, not the animation or the length.
its got a large file size because i had to use images to do this with

EDIT 2: Part two is arriving when i feel the sound is finished
k?

Reviews


UpoqvoSAMMIovpoqUUpoqvoSAMMIovpoqU

Rated 1 / 5 stars

Dusty {needs cleaning}

You've submitted some work already on Newgrounds so welcome back!

Diary of the Dust looks to be the start of a series. The intriguing mix of realistic footage is blended in with a small white blob whose identity is not clearly known yet. After watching a human fiddle around with a kitchen draw it is spooked by a spider and jumps down - a cliff-hanger.

However the flash is short in essence. It seems longer because it is 'stretched' - holding onto a frame for many seconds longer than is necessary.

The concept itself is reasonably good. A flash series which mixes reality with cartoon animations is exquisitely interesting. However I can barely work out what is going on. All I see is a blob who appears to be ideally watching what is happening below and then is scared off. The story seems a bit weak and undeveloped; although this wouldn't bother the typical person if sequels were brought out consistently.

The idea of using a simple room like the kitchen is a bit too ordinary. It would have been nice to choose a room with more atmosphere {such as the lounge on a colourful mantelpiece} especially since your trying to impress the audience in your pilot episode. Since the story is undeveloped the relevance of the kitchen is completely unknown.

What you need to do, as well as increase your length is add a great deal of substance to the overall theme. As it stands it looks mundane; a blob on the top shelf. Is there any indication that it is the "dust"? The real problem is that this first episode is almost pointless as no developments in the story have been made to hold interest. It could almost be defined as "random".

Graphically it is barely acceptable. The white creature, in all cruel honestly, is a messy blob. The drawing of it is lacking accuracy. A positive criticism is your animation; it isn't choppy. The first fall down looks swell, and nothing seems to stick out as ugly in this department.

However what is annoying is that everything is lacking detail. The blob is completely colourless. A fine suggestion would be to add various tones of grey {if he is meant to be dust} to make it look more authentic. Give the blob some teeth, eyeballs and irises to maximise its beauty. It is shame that you either lack the effort or artistic ability to make your main character look more appealing. Very few details were present to comment on, although the spider did look quite menacing.

Sound now. Actually the sound effects work. They aren't realistic but accompany the flash in a cartoony, childish way, reflecting an aura of ease and pleasantness. There is no music, but that would be a tough fit. Perhaps try adding music and allowing the viewer to mute it.

Overall this flash lacks charm and elegance, but retains a small amount of promise and intrigue. The concept is great but build up the animation and content for there is nothing of quality here. As frozenm commented "I don't think that you should post anything until you have substantial length". This flash should tell us more about what is happening rather then showing a few occurrences that only common sense can piece together. Also work on your blob. It can be really satisfying to make something pretty so give it a shot!

The truth is that the flash doesn't quite cut it... yet... don't let this early criticism put you off. A second episode, continuing the story and telling us more about this "blob" would also make this first episode look better. I am keen to know what happens so if you publish a sequel let me know {PM} and I may pop along for a follow up review. This flash may be a disappointment, but a reality check shows that you might be capable of something better, so dig deep and make part two awesome.*

Sammi

* * { 2 - 10 } "Feeble"

*I looked at your introduction - "part two arriving tomorrow" - don't feel you need to rush it. Take on some of the feedback and take your time.


People find this review helpful!

claymaterclaymater

Rated 2.5 / 5 stars

Wow..

Wow... HUGE file... oh well, it shows.. some story could be built...you need to work on your animating, but starting out a series with "ok" animation is smart, because if they dont like it, then you didnt waste to much time :P

Keep it up man, ill try to watch the seconded one!



frozenmfrozenm

Rated 0 / 5 stars

nope, not even

well, you may think you have an original idea, but the 'little guy in a big person's world' has been done oh so many times before. You need to put a new spin/twist or something else in it that will capture the viewer's attention and make him/her want more. So far it took 5 minutes to load, was 20 seconds long and wasn't much to write home about.
It is neat how you drew ontop of stills, but you need to work on your characters (as in he was kinda messily drawn and there was no portrayal of his personaility or anything) and animation.
Also, I don't think that you should post anything until you have substantial length. I read below that it was due to file size, but honestly, I don't want to have to watch 8 parts to view one episode. If you have a good idea and an entertaining little film, then tone down the resolution. People will like the film if a lot of work went into it even if the quality isn' that great. No one wants to wait so long for so little.


People find this review helpful!
maskedone2 responds:

i HAVE substantial length
the problem is the size
if i downgraded the quality anymore than it is it make sod all difference in size and loads in ruining the images
true it has been done so many times before with disney and such
but thats usually in an animal kingdom
this is domestically
I thought of this whilst maknig coffeee so ill see where this goes


HalluxHallux

Rated 3 / 5 stars

Too short

I don't mind to wait (load) I just want the movie longer. Anyway.. I will watch the second part 2mor


maskedone2 responds:

will inform of second definately


DARKJINGLEDARKJINGLE

Rated 5 / 5 stars

cool

whats evryone complaining about i thought that this was great!


maskedone2 responds:

thanks
will inform of second