Great story! Have you ever hear of ZBS productions (The Adventures of Jack Flanders)? They make audio CD stories like old radio where you use (gasp) your imagination. Whimsical, and make you think at the same time.
i love the discription in this.... its like in all a poetic form...
i love it..
and the art.
i stopped on the third page to tell you this because i couldnt wait to tell you after ;D
and you certaintly deserve it ;o
i feel so sad for the guy!!
he shouldn't have wasted his time on her DX
*sob sob sob*
Time is never wasted in the pursuit of adventure.
You just try not to bite off more than you can chew... for sanity's sake.
Thanks you very much for enjoying our production and giving us a great rating!
The artwork is brilliant, and the story made me laugh. "shone like the center of an Oreo?" Wtf man. I lol'd.
Other than picky grammar corrections, great work.
It was pretty good. I was distracted by the various grammatical errors though. Semicolons are only to be used when there are fully developed, complete sentences on both sides. For example:
Maybe I'm just a post for the other guests to lean upon; somebody to prop up the roof should they bring it down upon themselves.
This is incorrect. The second is not a complete sentence. There is no verb for the subject. Also, Colons (:) are only used to begin a list or to define whatever is before the colon. for example "There was only one thing I wanted: to be like everyone else" is correct, for the second defines the "thing" that is wanted. However...
... in the grandest hall of the city: there are checkerboard floors...
is incorrect. And following this--
there are checkerboard floors as far as the eye can bother; open buffets for the loose belted ; a beautiful chandelier...
-- the first is a complete sentence, but the following fragments are incorrect uses of semicolons.
As for positive things, your vocabulary is remarkable and I loved the tone. Look into some of the more technical grammatical rules (just for class and readability purposes) and keep up the great work.