Of course it needs work. But it's fair for your first work. Some of the dialog is corny, and I have heard similar stories(such as this old game "RPG Maker" for the PSOne, with the example story about a minor-class enemy who wanted to become a Boss, and somewhat .hack//Sign), but I think it' has enough potential to eventually become a worthwhile series. Maybe add a few other things in the next episode, such as confusing money and trade systems, perhaps the oddity of the usual "magic pocket", barely understandable 1337speak players, and so on. Above all, just be free with it, imagine the characters as real, funny, cool, lame, annoying, mean, and just plain random as real people you meet in online games.
...for your first flash.
The dialouge was my only issue. There was a ton to read, and the clicking got obnoxious fast. Maybe next time, you could use voice actors instead, or at least to go along with the text, so that the viewer doesn't have to read a book when they want a flash. If you need voice actors, I'm one myself. I also know a whole comunity of them that do internet work for free. Send me a message if you want so help finding people.
a true HACKer
nice sol you did well for your first flash movie even though I know you can do better we'll call this the start of a new master...
yup soon you'll shock the world and maybe even me
til then..... your bro vince
lewl, that was retarded!
So bad it was actually good!