Some elements made me smile.

I actually really liked your graphics - with the simple shapes of the car etc.

The sign for 'camp boring' really didn't fit though - neither the thin lines, nor the style of shape. Elsewhere, you have these sorta flat abstract shapes that look like a cheap cartoon from the 60s and so the 'proper' 3D shape looks kinda odd.

I think you need to work on keeping a consistent line width, maybe embrace the abstract shapes you've made and work on refining your style.

And don't use square-edged letters - the sans-serif rounded fonts you use work way better.

The story itself made me smile. Specially the son's sarcastic voice.

The whole thing could have been better presented though. The way the presence of the rafting, archery and bonfire lighting were introduced was a bit odd - up until then, it was as if they were all alone.

Also, in the end, with a comment like that, I feel that such a horrible dad would probably slap the son, or at least grumble 'shut up'.

Maybe focus more on realising the characters rather than making funny jokes at the expense of continuity?

I look forward to your future stuff.

shows potential

Visuals: the drawing leave something to be desired, but that will improve with practice, the animation was great, very fluid, some of the facial colours were off but that isn't a problem, a great look for a first flash

Audio: other than the static in the mic they were all right, some of them were hard to understand, just back off from the mic a bit next time

Overall: the plot was very good, I could really get into it, some things could've been elaborated on like the bonfire and archery, but what you have is good, keep practicing you have potential to do great works

.:Review Request Club:.

(title in work)

^^Good Points^^
For your first submission it's not bad work. You've got a few good animation techniques in this movie, like the trees in the foreground and background during the walking scene. Some comical parts in this movie, and I think the censorship actually worked to the advantage here.

^^Needs Improving^^
Ok, first thing that I didn't like was the voice acting. Speak a bit more clearly, had a hard time hearing sometimes. Also, seemed a little disjointed. Like what happened with that deer or whatever that popped out of the bush? I was expecting something more than just the dad freaking out in that scene.

Review Request Club

You'll get there

I think that you've got potential, so keep at it. The piece is quite bold, with the plotline and the relativly little experience you have at Flash. I think that you could have fleshed out some of the plot points, like the Archery and the Bonfire lighting, for example.

The graphics will come to you eventually - I'd suggest that you use a slightly more orangey pink for the facial colours, as it looks too much like a pig at the moment to make it believable. I know it's a cartoon, but that's an important part as well. Investing in a tablet would also be a great way to deal with some of the issues with the rougher edges on your outlines.

The last thing I would suggest is that you play your sounds back, in order to check them for quality - when the father said NO!, it was full of static, as you were either being too loud into the mic, or you were too close to it.

[Review Request Club]

\m/

The storyline is very interesting and you had some very funny scenes in here (I espcecially liked the guy floating by in the background when Father & Son whent rafting).

The main downsinde here are the very rough graphics. Everything looks quite sloppy, with hardly any straight line in it.
Also, there are no shades in here, which looks a bit strange.

The animations looked decent. Only thing here was the scene when Father & Son went for a walk. It looked like they where on a speedwalk (only moving in the wrong direction), because the stones on the path moved faster than the trees in the foreground.

{ Review Request Club }