1: The Origin of Kale Urn

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This is my first submission. It's a test for a short animated story board i've thrown together. Now, I now that it's not as flash as a lot of other things up here, but I want to get a response to this.

I've done it from a kind of "Story Teller" point of view. It still is a storyboard though, not a full on animated feature. I just thought i'd give this a go, try to put my book down into a visial format. I hope you enjoy. This will be a multi-part submission.


was good

seemed origanal to me( not like all the sonic parrodys or the sprites of the same games over and over), the pace seemed a bit slow, and i thought that you might try to animate a bit more of the action-related sceens(some figting)

Kale-Urn responds:

Yeh i know there's not much as far as animated characters go, because this is just a short storyboard i was working on for my story. I did say all this in my Comment, but obviously nobody read that. I just thought i'd put THIS version out there for now. I've contacted some others on Newgrounds to do voice acting for my chracters. So that'll be up in the future, with animation and proper character interactions.

great for a first flash, could use some work

Hi- good stuff, but I found the combination of the subtitles and the narration a bit much, one or the other would be fine. Also, if you are going to use such dense text, it would be good to have someone proof it for grammar and spelling. Most people won't notice the small errors that I did, but your flash seems like it would also appeal to sci-fi readers, who will definitely notice. Keep it up!

About that voice...

What's with the narrator??? It sounds like he never got laid, or maybe he did but his girlfriend certainly commited suicide after their first night together. I kept thinking about this guy being a porn star. Aside from that the story was interesting and the artwork was decent, even tho the narrator was entertaining for all the wrong reasons. Well good luck with the next one.

Kale-Urn responds:

Excuse me, i would appreciate if you could be civilised enough to actually give me some constructive criticism, and leave the bashings aside.

Don't put your life frustrations onto me buddy. Your post said a lot about you, and I pity you for being so childish.

People like you make me not want to come back here and sumbit more work. Jerk.

Not too bad

The narration was horrible, though. The voice was so monotone it almost put me to sleep. I sped it up in Cool Edit Pro to see what the original sounded like; not much better. Tip: pitch-lowering doesn't increase expressiveness.

Kale-Urn responds:

Fair enough, well that's what I was kind of going for. Like the narrator playing a type of Mysterious, universal 'watcher' role. Obviously it didn't go down too well... A pity, I thought it worked pretty well. I guess I can't really expect much since this was just a shortened version of a section in my story, made into a storyboard type.

Thanks for watching anyways ;)

cool one

that was a pretty cool animation.... especially the graphics and drawings in this one, they were pretty good. the plot behind this one was pretty original, and i guess unique since its kinda based on you... or at least the name of the animation and your screename is the same, so it made it pretty good.
overall, it was a good one. i liked it.

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3.32 / 5.00

Dec 20, 2005
1:14 PM EST
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