It's a start
What you have here is a desire to tell a story, but when dealing with flash, one can't really treat it like a book. You definitely need to have some more going on than just monologue. Think of it like a play, if you will. Characters don't just stand around. They pace. They flail. Emote.
Work on your sprite editing skills and make some originals (and no, recolours don't count.) and I'm sure you'll be able to add some life to this. Otherwise people are just going to wonder why they're watching sprites not move while text flashes across the screen.
Good in concept, but this may not be the proper medium. I'd give some hand drawn animation a try. A nice effort though. Keep it up. You'll find your best style soon enough.
Oh, and just a personal nitpicky note, try to use sprites, if you're not making your own (hell, even if you are) that are the same bittage and style. It really throws people off to have sprites from varying bittages...unless it's for comic effect. But, I don't think that's what you're going for here, eh?