FUCKING 'ELL!! You have been accepted at Sir yo mama farting's school of Cucked Magic. As a first-year student, you will be assigned a 17 googolplex-headed scaly ass gramma named Eatenpussy MacFondletits of House Horny who will show you around the campus, clean your ass, and kiss your testicle

Before school begins in no nut november, you will need to go to Afghanistan.

While there, you should purchase materials for your Battling Godzilla and Simple fucking Spells classes. Your lab partner will be Taylor Swift. She's an expert at conjuring beetle-flavored orphan eyes out of penises of your father with the milk, so we're sure you'll get along well.

We also hope you'll join one of our after-school activities, such as the Magical Yo mama!! Team. If you've got any questions, contact your counselor, Ryan Gosling\. We anticipate seeing you at Crucifixion Day!

Sincerely, Bart Simpson School of Prostitute

ZOINKS! You have been accepted at Sir Screech's school of Azure Magic. As a first-year student, you will be assigned a 6.9 sextillion-headed komodo dragon named Alex who will show you around the campus, clean your graffiti, and scratch your left arm.

Before school begins in January, you will need to go to Kyrgyzstan. While there, you should purchase materials for your Battling Godzilla and Simple Ingesting Spells classes.

Your lab partner will be Cher. She's an expert at conjuring fire ant-flavored scooby snack out of penises of gryffin, so we're sure you'll get along well.

We also hope you'll join one of our after-school activities, such as the Magical Miasma Team. If you've got any questions, contact your counselor, Tom Hanks. We anticipate seeing you at Easter!

Sincerely, Pickle Rick School of Assassin

Dear Listen here, Fucker assface! You have been accepted at Sir AH SHIT's school of awesomer Magic. As a first-year student, you will be assigned a 42069-headed Wyvern named Asshole Teacher who will show you around the campus, clean your shit, and scratch your ass. Before school begins in Spooktember, you will need to go to pee. While there, you should purchase materials for your Battling Godzilla and Simple Shiting Spells classes. Your lab partner will be Mariah Carey. She's an expert at conjuring june bug bitch-flavored Pocky out of assholes of Dragon, so we're sure you'll get along well. We also hope you'll join one of our after-school activities, such as the Magical Skunk Spray Team. If you've got any questions, contact your counselor, stupidface. We anticipate seeing you at Spooktember! Sincerely, Sans School of CEO

"ASS! You have been accepted at Sir KABOOM's school of emerald Magic. As a first-year student, you will be assigned a 9000-headed dinosaur named Jeffery who will show you around the campus, clean your toilet, and scratch your penis.
Before school begins in January, you will need to go to Pakistan. While there, you should purchase materials for your Battling Godzilla and Simple Lazering Spells classes.
Your lab partner will be Amy Lee. She's an expert at conjuring bug-flavored a type of snack out of lungs of wendigo, so we're sure you'll get along well.
We also hope you'll join one of our after-school activities, such as the Magical Shit Team. If you've got any questions, contact your counselor, Matt Smith. We anticipate seeing you at Christmas!
Sincerely, Donald Duck
School of Firefighter"

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Your lab partner will be Nickie Minaj. She's an expert at conjuring spider-flavored dick cheese out of balls of your mother, so we're sure you'll get along well.

I'm fucking done.