There is no Santa.

Your parents have just been lying to you because they're trying to soften the blow for when you find out there's no Jesus.

They really do have your best interests at heart. However, to ease the tension, try to mention on the sly that you know what's REALLY going on.

kid: I sure hope Santa comes back this year
Mom: Oh, I'm sure he will </knowingly>
kid: After I found out there's no Jesus, I was afraid you'd been lying to me.
Mom: But... how... why.....
kid: But now I know there really IS no moral law except for greed.
Mom: That's just crazy talk! Of course there's a moral law!
Kid: Did you get me good presents?
Mom: Of course. I love you.
Kid: I sure hope Santa comes tonight.
Mom: Oh, honey, I'm sure he will.
Kid: wanna help me say my prayers?
Mom: Not tonight honey. Mommie's got to drown the pain of knowing her son is a filthy heretic.
kid: That's fine. I'm just glad I don't have to pretend I believe in TWO people that don't exist.
Mom: At least there's still the Easter Bunny.
Kid : GODDAMNIT.

And the tooth fairy is a lesbian.

Santa = Your parents.
Your parents = Real.
Santa = Real.

FUNK i hate to say it but.....but.....aw shit i cant say fail to you.

Oops.

i think santa is real. i saw a santa come into my house once and make sweet sweet love to me and my sister. i was 5 at the time. since, we have made it tradition. lol, his beard tickles.

thats really bad what if someone not me but someone didnt know about that before they read this?

At 12/16/05 09:15 PM, He_Who_Never_Was wrote: Santa = Your parents.
Your parents = Real.
Santa = Real.

FUNK i hate to say it but.....but.....aw shit i cant say fail to you.

My dad is a fat man with lots of presents.....

However, no fucking reindeer. They at least lied about that.

And apparently the "babies under cabbage leaves" thing in the "birds and the bees" is a really nasty joke about uncircumcized penises.

At 12/16/05 09:18 PM, Banta_Claus wrote: My dad is a fat man with lots of presents.....

And im sure you are too....just without the presents part.

However, no fucking reindeer. They at least lied about that.

He prob 1) Ate there fod for he was hungry and they died or 2) Ate the deer.

uncircumcized penises.

Reminds me of that one time when me and you.....

At 12/16/05 09:13 PM, Banta_Claus wrote: There is no Santa.

*emo tears*

At 12/16/05 09:21 PM, wesdood wrote:

At 12/16/05 09:13 PM, Banta_Claus wrote: There is no Santa.

*emo tears*

*INSERTS GENERIC SIMPLE SLAN LYRICS HERE*

And the easter bunny is a spokesman for gaypride

At 12/16/05 09:23 PM, StONeD_SiLEiGHtY wrote: SIMPLE SLAN

hahaha

how could this happen to me?

not to mention, but jack the jacko lantern is a whore

No..Santa......

*Cries*

At 12/16/05 09:28 PM, -Mad_Max- wrote:

At 12/16/05 09:18 PM, Banta_Claus wrote:

So... you're not real? ;-;

I'm "Banta." With a "B."

Bio's of all the magic people:

Tooth Faerie: Lesbian Leprachaun Hooker, thats where she gets the money to put under your pillow, and you know how you feel really good the night after you put the tooth under your pillow? Thats because she bangs you, guy or girl, either way, she likes it.

Santa: A Hobo who lives in South Africa, struggling with poverty. Where do you think he gets the money to buy like 6.006 billion people presents.

Santa's Elves: Really Oompa Loompas who hate their new leader, Charlie. Thats why you don't hear about Wonka Chocolate anymore.

Easter Bunny: He's really the guy who owns the playboy mansions best Gal who just goes into her playboy bunny suit giving eggs to people. She's a multi-billionair.

Leprechauns: There really just black gangsta dudes, their really cool and wear loads of bling.

Gnomes: There Santa's brothers and sisters, they give him a couple grand a year, 'cause they really pitty him.

Dolphins: There really big green aliens in disguise.

Tom Fulp: He's just a myth, so is:
Michael Jackson
Brad Pitt
That Bush kid... George

The Boogy Man: He's really a 376 year old Pimp who hits the streets late at night, his pimpin' clothes scare kids.

Those are the bios of all magical and non-existant people. If I missed some, please point out.

what...
No...
Santa...

I'LL KILL YOUR DAMN BLASPHEMOUS WAYS!!!

While Santa is, in fact real, however the story has been embellished quite a bit. Truth is, Santa's just a lonely fat guy living in an apartment in upstate New York. He doesn't give anyone presents, he just drinks his misery away at his local bar.

At 12/16/05 09:13 PM, Banta_Claus wrote: There is no Santa.

But at least I can depend on Banta_Claus, and the Easter Bunny.

At 12/16/05 09:23 PM, StONeD_SiLEiGHtY wrote: *INSERTS GENERIC SIMPLE SLAN LYRICS HERE*

Hahaha, ha. :)

BigBadRon is so gonna ban you. Even though you're a moderator, Maybe he'll get a super admin to ban you.

At 12/16/05 09:13 PM, Banta_Claus wrote: There is no Santa.

Your parents have just been lying to you because they're trying to soften the blow for when you find out there's no Jesus.

My parents may have been lying to me, but not about Santa. They told me the real Santa died in during a prison sentence by testing faecal based drugs on himself. He was in there for robbing a liquor store of sherry and mince pies after murdering the cashier and two customers by bludgeoning them to death with the antlers from Blitzen's severed reindeer head. The head came of when driving drunk, he buzzed a commercial fight eastbound from Rio De Jainero and clipped the engine. Rudolf recieved mild trauma to the nose, so santa shot it off. "To prevent infection, Rein-jerk!" he belched the musty aroma of rum and fruitcake at the bewidered beast.

True story.

kid: dad... I think santa isn't real, and that you and mommy have been lying to me the whole time
dad: ha, ha, ha, oh, shut the fuck up Junior

And that's how I got my first period

EDN

my respect for you dropped when you said there was no Jesus. Don't put things like that out there to a crowd that's likely to be full of Christians..

Since this is about spoilers...
Snape kills Dumbledore.

You slut FUNKbrs. Taking the focus off my much longer and tedious topic. :'(

well um i dont think santa exsist and my parents know i dont think he exsists but...

1)why is it only the good presents have "from santa" labeled on them?
2) before christmas there are usually only a few presents but when i wake up theres like 10 more
3) why would they continue to label "from santa" on presents if they know i know he doesnt exsist

i am in know way saying santa exsists and will never change my mind but i always wonder about those 3 things

At 12/16/05 09:49 PM, Etch-A-SketchClock wrote: Since this is about spoilers...

You're a dick, and I'd ban your sorry ass if I could. No wait- I'd murder your sorry ass if I could. DICK!

At 12/16/05 09:18 PM, Banta_Claus wrote:

At 12/16/05 09:15 PM, He_Who_Never_Was wrote: Santa = Your parents.

My dad is a fat man with lots of presents.....

Well, all kids want is presents, delivered on christmans day under the tree. They believe in an entity which brings these presents.

SOMETHING is putting them there.

Whether it be a big jolly man slightly resembling FUNK, or the kids parents, is pretty irrelevant if you want to go on technicalities, because, as I said, the kids are believing in someone bringing them presents.

I don't know if that makes sense, but yeah, telling kids there is a Santa Claus is wrong. It's nothing more than a web of lies. LIES.

To be honest, I don't see what it achieves at all anyway. I would just say, "here is a present from me, in celebration of Christmas" or something along those lines.

LIES, DAMNABLE LIES.

C'mon dude you fucking ruined Christmas, I hate you, I hate you!

At 12/16/05 09:13 PM, Banta_Claus wrote: There is no Santa.

Prove it.

No way.