I have been on Newgrounds for only ~4 years, but this is my third or fourth account, I deleted the rest. I only engaged with the audio portal/forum. In short, every time I deleted my account here (and all my music related accounts anywhere else), I was experiencing a "creative crisis" from asking myself why I even make music in the first place. It's definitely not because I want a big following, or even any following at all, so exerting any amount of effort to share my music makes no sense when I supposedly don't care if anyone hears it. But then, I was really just embarrassed of myself and everything I made. I decided I'd rather post tracks with zero description than be scared, even though I've never even had very negative reception.
So here I am once again. This time there's a certain sense of detachment between me and my music, which can't be good for my motivation. I used to be excited by everything I made, because I made it, not anymore though. I always try to express something pretty specific, but my music is instrumental and (not to brag) rather unconventional, so I've failed to touch any listener. Because I don't want to write lyrics, I can't communicate anything in a way that someone else can understand. I even refuse to describe my themes anymore, because I find them pretentious. Apparently, I don't want to be understood, and that's why you should treat my music as just cool sounds with no deeper meaning.
I thought there is some value to this rant since I am sure others have felt similarly. I still don't know why I make music, but I'll still put the minimal effort of uploading and adding tags.
