++ ENTRY THREAD ++

DO NOT DISCUSS THE CONTEST IN THIS THREAD. ALL QUESTIONS, CONCERNS AND COMMENTS GO IN THE DISCUSSION THREAD

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Welcome to May 2019's Monthly Writing Contest: - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - MWC19 - Original NG Character - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I'm slightly behind, but let's keep these going! I've taken in a foster child and my schedule has been hectic. Let's make it even more hectic by creating a new and exciting writing prompt that perhaps could be turned into an animation at the end result!

• THEME:

I want you to create a completely original character and write a script out for a pilot episode. (I'll post an example of an older submission of my own down below so you can have a general idea of the style that I'm talking about.)

The idea is to create an original character and for us to take the winners month by month through a process to have it developed into an animation posted on Newgrounds.

The first step will be you're submission, then we can go to the art forum and get some concept art/character design. After that, off to the audio forum to get some theme music. The next step will be to the voice acting forum to find the voice of our winning characters. Finally, we will take the last month and run an animation competition for the winners.

Each part of the step will be it's own competition and the winners will be included in the judging process for the rest of the interaction with this so they always have a say in what the final product sounds and looks like.

• RESTRICTIONS:

1. Word Count Minimum: N/A
2. Word Count Maximum: N/A

(Instead of a word count min/max, try and keep the writing in a manageable first episode timeline. Nothing too long that would make it too hard to get animated)

1. Story must be include original characters created by you.
2. Story must be submitted by the deadline below

• Deadline:

June 10th 2019: Midnight EST (A little extra time because this one should be for fun!)

• Prizes:

1st Place: Supporter Status/Moves on to next steps of getting animated

2nd Place: Supporter Status/Moves on to next steps of getting animated

3rd Place: Supporter Status/Moves on to next steps of getting animated

• SUBMITTING

1. Post your stories in this thread.
2. Do not post revisions in this thread. They will be deleted.
3. You may submit one story only, one time.
4. Only submit stories that you've written for this competition. I don't want stories that you've written in the past. The point is to write something new and to challenge yourself. If your story shows up as plagarized (aka, found anywhere else on the internet, even if written by you) it will be disqualified.

• Judges:

1. Fro

(I will look for some more judges. Hopefully ones that can help with the entirety of this process)

I'm not entering the competition. Just giving an example below.

----------

Untitled

Characters:

Victor (trying to rise back to the top)

Fetti Cinni (Victor's side kick)

Norm Hick (kid)

The Don (Not all there)

Cathy Hick (the mother)

Hobo (not all there)

Scene 1

(Dons Office)

The Don - (Inaudible talking)

(Body guard 1 enters)

Body Guard 1 - Don, McDonalds hasn't been paying their protection.

The Don - I'm with somebody talk to Tony

(Victor Enters)

Victor - You wanted to see me?

The Don - We have a slight problem, there's no mayonnaise on this sandwich.

Body Guard 1 - Sir, your condition...

The Don - I would shoot you now, but I'm running out of family. As I was saying you're out of the family business, Victor. Apparently, that incident with chicken feathers at the family's annual party didn't go over too well.

Victor - I thought this was about mayonnaise.

The Don - Don't change the subject. You're out, but you'll still have work. (Don hands Victor paper) Cathy Hick...

Victor (interrupts) - You want me to whack her?

The Don - Do not discuss your personal desires with me. She has a kid. You get to play nanny. Call the number and shell give you the time and place. Get out.

(Victor leaves)

(Don takes bite of sandwich)

Scene 2 (Next day)

(In city)

(Victor walking down sidewalk encounters a hobo)

Hobo - four times fifteen pieces is not...

Victor - What the hell did you say..?

Hobo - No I didn't!! Leprechaun! (Points at a dancing leprechaun)(Hobo laughs hysterically)

(Victor looks but there isn't anything there)

(Victor keeps walking to pay phone)

(Victor looks at paper)

Victor - Damn long distance..

Hobo -(passes by) Armageddon!!

(Victor dials number)

Cathy Hick - Put the hose down! Hello?

Victor - You have a job for me? You need a babysitter right?

Cathy - You have my address... pick him up at 7 P.M. And try to avoid where I work the corner of 5th and Maple. Oh, by the way, it's his birthday today so give him a good time. And don't forget to give him his pills he tends to get light headed every now and then. Later.

(Victor hangs up. He turns to exit phone booth.)

Hobo - (pushing his face against glass door) Bwahh... Zombies, they got me... Go on I'll be infected soon. (Hobo falls on sidewalk and spasms.)

(Victor takes alcohol bottle out of hobo's pocket. Takes a swig, looks at his watch and walks away. )

Scene 3

(Shows Fetti watching TV in recliner. Reaches down and starches his ass. He passes out. Surrounded by beer and cheese)

Scene 4

7:00 p.m. (in front of Cathys)

Victor pulls up on moped, gets off. Walks up to door and rings doorbell.

Cathy - You must be the guy.

Victor - That's me.

Norm - (walks into door) Mom where's my Mr. Robo Guy?

(Flashes back to Cathy cramming Mr. Robo Guy down toilet.)

Cathy (in flash back) - Goddamnit flush!!

Cathy - (present) I don't know Honey.. I gotta go

Norm - (excited and energetic) Oh my god oh my god! Do you know what today is?

(looking at calendar which reads "Tuesday the 25th", takes out liquor bottle) Uh.. Friday?

Norm - NO NO NO NO NO! It's my birthday! I have a cake! My mommy made it!

(both go into kitchen, cake is sitting on table. Camera cuts to cake, which has hair and cigarette butts in it)

Norm - My mommy said it was ber-bun flavored. And she said if I don't eat it then she'll have to give it to Sparkles.

(Camera cuts to reveal a three-legged dog with no tail.)

Victor - Cute dog kid. (Pulls out a cigarette) where's a lighter?

Norm - They're up in the no-no door. Mommy said that I can't have the lighter because what happened to the wooden man last time.

(flashback to living room. Shows a man with a wooden aesthetic leg talking to Cathy. Norm has a lighter.)

Cathy (flash back)- Yea, it'll be 70 bucks after we're through. Any requests during will cost extra.

(Norm crawls up to "wooden man" and lights his leg on fire)

Norm - (present) Wanna pet my chipmunk? (holds up a rat) I found him in my sheets this morning. Mommy says he's a gift from god.

Victor - Your mom says a lot huh kid?

Norm - Yea, especially when she drinks a guy named Mr. Daniels, he lives in a bottle.

Norm - I want my cake. I'm hungry and it's my birthday. (Sets his rat on table) Cake Cake Cake Cake!

Victor - Okay, kid. Calm down. Where is the no no door so I can get a lighter? (Victor and Norm exit

dining room into kitchen. Rat knocks a nearby bottle of Mr. Daniels liquor onto cake.)

(cuts to kitchen with Norm and Victor)

Norm - (pointing) It's way up there. Mommy says there's a magical lock on it so I can't get into it while she was working or upstairs watching horror movies.

Victor - Horror movies?

Norm - yeah, she usually has a man over and they go upstairs. See she doesn't tell me that they watch horror movies but I know, because I can hear them scream.

Victor - Hmph...

(removes magic lock (twisty tie) from the cupboard door handles) (Inside cupboard is a wad of money, some nose hair clippers, and a Mr. Happy Face lighter)

Victor - Here we god.

(Takes lighter into dining room... removes bottle from the cake. Norm sits in chair in front of cake. Victor lights candles on cake)

(Cell phone rings)

(Victor turns away from cake and Norm, who has a big smile on his face)

Fetti Cinni - Vick? Fetti. Hey man, I need your help. I got my hand stuck in my ass again.

(meanwhile candle falls into cake and sets it ablaze. Norm goes cross-eyed and passes out into the fire)

Victor - Oh c'mon man I'm busy... How'd you do it this time.

Fetti - I dunno man! I woke up, and it was in there and in there good. I mean like, I'm playing tug-o-war with my colon right now.

Victor - Okay, I'll be taking this kid to the batting cages around nine. Meet me there.

Fetti - But I don't know where the - (Victor hangs up phone) (Victor turns and faces Norm, who is on fire)

Victor - Damn!

(Hobo looks in window)

Hobo - AHHHH! (Hobo's right eye droops, hobo falls over)

(victor picks Norm's head up out of flaming cake, slams head against table to extinguish the flames)

(After flames are put out, Victor searches for Cathy's cell phone number. Finds it underneath rat, rat droppings are scattered about)

(Dials number)

Random male voice over phone - Oh, you like dat?

Cathy - (in bored voice) - Oh yea.. that's great...

(inaudible male voice being heard throughout call)

Victor - Uh, Cathy? You busy?

Cathy - oh, no. He's keeping himself entertained pretty well.

Victor - Hey, uh, Norm.. passed out on the.. uh.. couch, Um, what do I need to do to wake him up?

Cathy - Have you tried slapping him a bit?

(flashback to Victor banging Norm's head off table to put out flames)

Victor - Uh, yeah I'm pretty sure that's not gonna do it.

Cathy - Just ring the bell on the table twice then.

(Voice turns away from phone)

Cathy - You wanna play rough?!

Random male - Oh god! No! Nooooo!

(Victor hangs up)

(walk over to table and rings bell twice)

(Sparkles walks over to Norm and licks face)

Norm - AHHHHHHH!

(grab's dog's leg and rips it off"

(Hobo in window)

Hobo - Ahhhhh! (Left eye looks up while right is still looking down)(Falls over again)

(Dog is expressionless and tips over)

(Hobo running around with a cape and boxers on)

Scene 5

(Batting Cages)

(Norm has bandages on his head)

Norm - I'm bored, bored, bored, bored, borrreeeddd!

Victor - Go cut some paper or something. I'll be back.

(Victor goes to the paying booth, Hobo is in it)

Untitled Part 2

Victor - Her can I get some uh, tok-uh, what are you doing?

Hobo - Dinner Dinner Dinner good chicken

(hobo is cooking a boot over a fire on the counter, flips the boot.. )(Token laying next to a gas can)

(victor takes)

(Victor returns to Norm whos hand is impaled by scissors. Threes no paper anywhere)

Scene 6

(Inside Batting cages)

(Norms hand is bandaged with scissors still inside it)

Victor - Lets see if I still got it from high school load up that mutha.

(Norms loads pitching machine, hand with scissors get caught in launch tube)

Norm - Ahhhh!!!

(Hand gets pitched, Victor hits it with bat. Hand hits Norm in face)

(Breaks glasses), (Norm falls asleep)

Victor - Yeah! Home Run!

(Cuts to Hobo eating boot, drinking a canister of gasoline)

Hobo - Dancing Pineapples!

(Shows booth exploding)

(Cuts back to batting cages. Fetti is there he is wearing a cheese hat)

Fetti - You ready to take care of my problem?

(Norm is still sleeping)

(Victor and Fetti go to the car, Vic ties Fetti's submerged hand to cars muffler)

(Victor starts up car and pulls hand out of ass)

(Fetti is grasping the remote)

Fetti - Hmm.. I guess it would have been easier if I would have let go

Victor - Yeaaa...

(Victor heads back to get Norm, Norm is gone, hand is still laying there)

(Victor looks around and spots Norm in the distance)

(Norm is scared by a shadow and runs towards hobo thinking it's his mom)

Norm - Mommy!

Hobo - Grandpa!

Victor - Nooooooooooooo!

Fetti - What?

Victor - ..Nothing

Here's a pilot I wrote a year ago. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1lcAi8x7yDUn5Qn6E8tDG655iWkos0oSS/view?usp=sharing

Characters:

Billy: Regular built male character

Janis: Beautiful young, female character

Bird: Small bird like a cockatiel

Fades in:

Billy is standing outside house, knocking on door.

Billy, yelling and knocking on door,

"Come on Janis we're going to be late"

Janis sticks her head out of door, yelling back,

"Hold on I have one more thing to do..."

Billy roles his eyes,

"FINE! Ill wait!"

Meanwhile the bird flies up and lands next to Billy.

The camera goes back and forth showing Billy and the bird just staring at each other.

A few seconds pass with just Billy and the bird just staring.

Bird,

"SQUAK!"

Billy jumps back a little and raises an eyebrow.

Bird,

"SQUAK, *whistle*, SQUAK!"

The bird then hops over to Billy's leg and pecks his ankle.

Billy,

"OW! You little piece of crap!"

Billy then proceeds to kick the bird.

The bird flies back and begins to stare at Billy.

Bird,

"SQUAK!"

Billy starts to knock on door again and yell to Janis,

Billy,

"Janis come on... its starting to become a bad Hitchcock film out here."

Janis, from inside,

"Just one damn minute!"

During this time the bird returns to Billy's leg and continues to peck...

Billy,

"Ok! That's it!"

Billy reaches down, grabs the bird, and breaks its neck.

Janis comes outside the door.

Billy is startled so he shoves the bird into his coat pocket.

Billy to Janis,

"What took so long?"

Janis,

"I was trying to find Betty."

Billy,

"Who?"

Janis,

"Betty! She is my super special friend… I guess you’ll have to meet her later… Let’s get going to dinner…”

Billy looks confused and “side eyes” Janis as she walks by him to the car.

Fade out and Fade in to fancy restaurant where the happy couple is eating dinner.

Janis is talking a lot and Billy looks slightly bored / uninterested.

Janis,

“Dinner was so good! I can’t wait to get home so you can Betty… She is my super special friend!”

Billy,

“Yeah… you mentioned that… I’m going to hit the restroom before we get out of here."

Bathroom scene:

Billy is finishing up and washing his hands at the sink. Suddenly, Billy hears a strange rustling noise. Thinking the noise is his phone he reaches his hand into his pocket and is immediately bitten hard by the bird. Billy curses and the bird flees from Billy’s pocket. Random slap stick comedy fun times happen in the restroom between Billy and bird. After a few moments of shenanigans, the bird suddenly disappears and Billy looks around confused and scared. Billy runs out of the bathroom beaten and bruised.

Fade out and fade in to outside of Janis’ home.

Janis

“What a lovely night”

Billy

“Yeah… it was interesting”

Janis

“Well….why don’t you come in side?” (In a seductive voice) “So you can meet Betty.”

Billy

“Oooooh… so it was a euphemism…” Billy starts too slowly and half heartedly laugh to himself as he walks into Janis’s home.

The laughing stops abruptly when Billy notices the all the pictures of the same bird on the wall. The bird is Betty and it is the same bird he has been fighting with.

Make this a big reveal like a Shyamalan twist or something.

As the room/Betty shrine swirls around Billy he starts to get in a cold sweat. At that moment the broken necked, dead body of Betty falls out of his pocket. Billy and Janis awkwardly stare at each other.

End

The Fifth commandment

Characters:

Charles Davenport (Human boy in purgatory)

Smith (Angel)

Devil (Demon that confronted Charles on scene 1)

Demon Soldier (a demon in a swarm of devils from scene 4)

Scene 1:

(Level one of purgatory, kind of like the foot of a mountain)

Charles: (wakes up from his unconscious state in the ground) “Where am I?”

(Camera pans to surrounding area)

Charles: “What is this place?” (Puts his hand on pocket) “No phone? Jeez, I must've been pretty drunk last night.”

(The distant flapping of wings was heard. Charles decided to walk a trail leading to the mountains)

Charles: “So what kind of party would I be in that would result to me getting stranded in the middle of nowhere?”

(Camera focuses on the red eyes staring from the bushes. Charles glances at the bush, but the eyes were gone).

Charles: (Walking towards the bush) Hello? (rummages through bush, finding nothing) Stalker.

(Charles walks back just when a devil crosses his path)

Devil: Are you Charles Davenport?

Charles: (Puts hand over head) Woah. I wasn't drunk. I was high... I AM high!

Devil: Answer my question!

Charles: Sorry, man. Can't talk. The marijuana is still in effect.

(Flames burst at the hands of the devil. Puts his hands near Charles's face. Charles started sweating)

Charles: Ah, shit. You're an actual devil, aren't you?

Devil: As real as your fucking head when I dunk it through the nine rings of hell. (flames extinguish from his hands) That is, if you really are Charles Davenport.

Charles: Huh? But you're the devil, right?

Devil: Granted, yes. But we ain't sending some goody two shoes to the nether realm. We are more like cops, to be honest.

Charles: Except all of you are bad cops?

Devil: Yeah, that's the way it is (flames scorch in his hands) Now tell me if you're Charles davenport or not!

Charles: (Taking time to think) …no.

Devil: Oh really? (Extinguishes flames from his hands) “Well, ain't that swell! Good luck on your journey through purgatory!

Charles: Purgatory....?

(Angel appears with sword ready)

Smith: Stop hurting that soul, you demon!

Devil: (Looks at the angel) Archangel Smith!? Well, don't worry. I was about to let go of him, anyways.

Smith: (Puts sword back on his belt) Oh, really? Well, my work here is done. Come, Charles. I will escort you to your first trial.

Devil: Wait. Charles? Do you mean Charles Davenport? (Glances back at Charles) You-you lied to me! Mr. Davenport, you're coming with...

(Smith stabs the demon at the heart. Demon disappears after a puff of smoke).

Smith: (Looks at Charles) Do you have any questions on what you should do?

Charles: (Looking at the remaining traces of smoke) Yeah... I have many.

Scene 2:

(The trail)

(Charles and Smith are walking)

Smith: If you didn't know, you died on earth. When you died, you have sins that were left unresolved. All you had to do was go to confession, but I guess you were lazy.

Charles: ...or an atheist. Ever thought of that?

Smith: (Looks angrily at Charles) However, Father must've thought that you were not a lost cause. So what he did was put you in purgatory, where your soul gets purified of all the things you did wrong during your life.

Charles: ...And in order to do that, I need to roll a boulder into a certain location that would open up a door?

Smith: That's just the first of your trials. You need to conquer four more trials after that. (Pulling up four fingers on his right hand as he says the previous sentence) The following three is the first thing that comes into your mind when you think of temporary punishment. The last, however, is said to be one that's unlike the others.

Charles: (looks angrily at him) I don't like vague details. Please explain what this last trial is.

Smith: I actually don't know. Only souls are allowed to enter that trial. Angels are only here to guide the humans into heaven.

Charles: (Looks around) So where are the souls? (He opens his arms and does a twist) This seems to be a deserted place.

Smith: (Puts up his index finger) Well, the lowest level is reserved for those that committed sins graver than the others. People who start at the top commit mistakes rather than sins, and you get now the souls that start at the very bottom. So. (He stops walking) What did you do, Charles?

Charles: (Glances at Smith) Me? Well, I don't know.

Smith: Did you kill someone?

Charles: (chuckles) What? No, of course not! (pauses, then looks down) Of course not... (a long pause, then glances back up, caught sight of a devil wing for just a second)

Smith: (pulls up his sword) These devils, though. Thinking that they are the ones that understands moral judgement... (Looks at Charles) Don't worry. Once we've crossed the door to the next trial, the devils will not be able to reach us.

(They walk over to a boulder)

Smith: So what are you waiting for? Get rolling!

(Montage then plays of Charles rolling the boulder over a steep incline)

Scene 3:

(Steep trail)

Charles: (Struggling to make the boulder move) Are you going to help me?

Smith: Nope. This is your trial, not mine.

Charles: Damn it (muttering under his breath)

(Montage continues)

Scene 4:

(Entrance on the peak of the mountain)

Charles: (Looking over the boulder and noticing a stone plate right at the side of a large grey door with inscriptions on its side) So is this the place?

Smith: Yes, it is.

Charles: Oh, thank God.

(The distant flapping of wings were heard. Smith notices, and took his sword)

Smith: The devils are here.

Charles: (Makes a face that expresses fear) Okay. (Goes back to pushing boulder in desperation)

Smith: (Walking around and looking)

(Devil soldier charges over to Charles)

Smith: (Kicks the devil away) Get away from him! (Looks back at Charles) Charles, hurry up!

Charles: I'm going! I'm going!

(Smith looks up. Camera then pans to a swarm of devils coming towards their location).

(Smith flies towards them and starts swinging his sword at the demons)

Devil soldier: Don't mind him! Go after Davenport!

(Demons passes through Smith)

Smith: Charles!

Charles: (Pushes boulder onto the plate). Finished!

(The doors opened. Charles makes a sprint over to the door. Smith follows behind.)

Smith: Charles! The lever!

Charles: (Notices a lever at the other side of the door. He cranks it).

(the door slowly closes. Before it fully closes, a demon's hand reaches through the tiny space in between the two doors.

Devil Soldier: You are not going anywhere, Charles! We know... we ALL know... that you deserve to be casted into hell! (The door cuts the demon's hand away from its arm) God will never accept you!

Charles: (Looking at the hand on the floor with a terrified look on his face)

Smith: (Standing at the foot of a long staircase) Charles...

Charles: (Glances back at Smith) Yes?

Smith: (Points a finger over to the staircase) Let's go.

(Camera pans over to a light at the top of a very long staircase.

(Credits roll)

Scene 5:

(Staircase)

(Charles and Smith walking together)

Smith: Hey, Charles.

Charles: Yes?

Smith: You never told me what you did wrong.

Charles: (chuckles) Yeah. To be honest, I do not really know.

Smith: So... you didn't kill anyone?

Charles: (watching his step) What's with you and assuming that I was a murderer?

(Long pause)

Charles: But to answer your question, yes. I did technically kill someone. (Making air quotes with his hands as he says technically).

Smith: (looks up at Charles) Oh, you did? Who did you kill?

(pause)

Charles: (Makes a stern face). Myself.

End.

EXT. GRASSY PLAINS

the camera pans over to the left as Jenny begins her monologue

JENNY (VOICEOVER)

Fresh, beautiful greens, sprinkled all across the field, completely peaceful, without conflict nothing out of the ordinary about it, right? You wouldn’t even guess that 5 years ago that this would have been the host of a war torn battlefield of a zombie apocalypse, right?

zombie starts walking into frame on the left

JENNY CONT.

Well that’s because we’re working towards a better future! the numbers of them have been slimmed down so low that we can finally rebuild-

JAVIER

Uh, Jenny, zombie walked into frame...

Jenny walks into to the right looking for the zombie

JENNY

Wait, seriously? shit that was the perfect take- actually hold on,

She whips out her gun

JENNY

We can put this in, follow me.

she starts running, she trips and falls, gun goes off, pause on inbetween an inbetween frame, zoom in on it slowly

JENNY(VOICEOVER)

Yup, that’s me, Jenny Kingston, I am a 25 year old woman who likes video editing, documentary making, and anything that doesn’t involve the zombie apocalypse

cut to her shooting a zombie in the head

JENNY

...Did you get tha-

pause on inbetween

JENNY(VOICEOVER)

As i so eloquently said in my previous statements, yes, we have seemingly almost killed all of the zombies and we can start rebuilding again... this is, The Tail End of the Apocalypse.

EXT. BASE DOORS

they open up

JENNY

This is our, humble little base, it’s not that much, but it was able to help us fro 5 years with out attracting the like of zombies for being too loud, and bandits for being-

metal plate falls off fort wall

JENNY

For a lack of a better term, a bit rinky-dinky in appearance.

BOOMER runs up and steals the camera

BOOMER

Ooooh! what’s this you got there!? is this one of them olden video cameras!?

JENNY

Boomer no! i need that camera for my documentary!

BOOMER

oh man, i use to use this kind all the time and record videos or me playin’ with my pokeman’s back in the day! Let’s record the inside of my mouth! AAAAAAAAAHHHH-

JENNY

BOOMER NOOOO-

pause before boomer puts it in her mouth

JENNY

This, is boomer, she’s pretty much our historian for all things 80’s-2000’s before a lot of stuff got wiped out, it might not seem like alot, but it can be easy to forget these things in such a desperate time. Even though she has a few screws loose, she has proven to be pretty helpful...

EXT. TENT

JENNY

Alright, and if you follow me you’ll see a totally unimportant tent and then-

JAVIER

Hey jenny, shouldn’t we at least tell them about logan?

jenny looks disgusted and walks up to javier

JENNY

What!? are you kidding me? logan is just a total douche who’s been streaming this whole time!

logan comes out of his tent

LOGAN

Yo! jenny! is that you!? how you been girl! you wanna join my stream!? we can collab and partay! YEEEAAAA-

pause on logan with his tongue out

JENNY (VOICEOVER)

This is logan, he is a streamer who has been streaming the entire apocalypse, yes even why he sleeps. He hasn’t done anything of worth except trick mindless drones with his stupidity into giving him money which has been our only source of income for 5 years...

patricia comes out of the tent

PATRICIA

Jenny, if you just came here to ridicule us then i’ll have to ask you to leave and- are you recording this?

JENNY

Yes patricia, me and javi are making a documentary about rebuilding society while you and your... boyfriend milk out the apocalypse as long as you can

logan looks surprised at the camera

LOGAN

Oh! you guys are making a docu-series out of this!? Poggers! can’t wait to see that on the tube!

JENNY

Streaming is just a short term answer while an actual documentary will help me long term! Now get out of here with your boy toy! his streamer terminology will be dated by the time my documentary comes out!

PATRICIA

Yeah, if it ever comes out, come on logan, we got some donations to read

LOGAN

Alright see you dudes later, i’m open to hang anytime!

patricia starts going in the tent and the screen pauses on her

JENNY(VOICEOVER)

This is patricia... She was all i had when the apocalypse was happening, and when we found someplace safe, she dumped me for that logan boy and now she just wants as much money as she can get and doesn’t even want the apocalypse to end anymore...

EXT. COMIC HUT

jenny knocks on the door

JENNY

this guy can be a little bit of a dick so edit this part out if we can’t get in.

a slide on the door opens up, revealing a pair of eyes

JENNY

Hey eugene! we were wondering if we could come in and talk to you for our documentary series!

EUGENE

Hmmm, i gotta make sure you guys are cool, Who was number 35 in DC’s New 52 series?

JENNY

Uh... i dunno, someone obscure like zatanna?

EUGENE

actually it was lobo, but since you were the first person today that didn’t say batman or super man, i shall let you in

eugene opens the door

EUGENE

Welcome to my domain

JENNY

wow, this is... nice

EUGENE

Yes people watching this, i am pretty much the hero, the protagonist of this story, i am why this base thrived for as long as it di-

pause on him explaining

JENNY

this is eugene, he’s the biggest piece of shit he causes me so much... STRESS... but his comic book knowledge has provided helpful in the past, like covering us in zombie guts as a disguise and knowing that a lot of the bodies decompose in the winter.

TO BE CONTINUED NEXT POST

PART 2

EXT. BARN

JENNY

Our last person in our small group is a woman by the name of-

abigal chops a piece of wood

JENNY

ok lemme do that again, our next person in our small-

another chop

JENNY

Our next person-

another chop

JENNY

Abigal! can you stop chopping wood for ONE SECOND!?

ABIGAL

huh? are you guys recordin’ something?

JENNY

Yes, our documentary about rebuilding society

ABIGAL

Oh lordy! we’re doin’ that right now!? Aw man, aw mama! what would she think of me slackin’ here just chopping wood!?

she starts pacing frantically

ABIGAL

i gotta do something big! but what!? ah hell! my anxieties are fillin’ me up right now!

abigal trips and falls head first into the bar, pause on the frame where her face makes contact with the wall

JENNY

And lastly, as i was trying to say, this is abigal, the muscle of our group, she’s helpful for doing all the stuff we don’t wanna do, easy to manipulate, and pure at heart, which is pretty much all she’s good for. thank fully none of us have used her for evil or we would have mice of men’d her at this point.

INT. EDITING CLOSET

JENNY

And here’s where i do my editing work in secret! I scavanged up enough extention wires to hook up the main generator to power my dual monitor set up! And don’t worry about it taking up power because we have like, 3 mini generators also use for power as back up and stuff!

The camera flips around

JAVIER

And i’m javier! I’m the one who records these!

JENNY

god damn it javi, what did i say about showing your face and speaking!?

JAVIER

but... I was just thinking that the people would want to see the person behind the camera, they’re important too, right?

JENNY

You ever think about the people that recorded die hard? or avengers?

JAVIER

uh... no...

JENNY

Exactly! because that would break the immersion!

jenny looks remorseful

JENNY

javi put the camera down for a second.

he puts it down on a shelf

JENNY

Look, javi, this isn’t because i don’t care about you ok? it’s just that we need this to be really good, and if it’s not then... I don’t want you facing that hate...

She clenches on javier’s shirt

JAVIER

jenny?

JENNY

And we NEED this to sell well... I want to start a family javi.

JAVIER

Oh! ok, yeah i got it... I’ll keep my appearences minimal from here on out, alright babe?

JENNY

Oh i love it when you say babe all cool like that... alright you can give me the camera, i need to edit down what we got today.

javier grabs it

JAVIER

Oh, shit, we were still recording

JENNY

... you know, i’m completely fine with that, says a lot about us...

JAVIER

huh. you’re the boss.

Jenny is editing, shown from several angles while she’s narrating

JENNY

In life, you don’t exactly know what you’re gonna deal with and what it’ll throw at you, maybe a hot mexican boyfriend? ok sure, i can work with that, an entire fucking zombie apocalypse? Not as easy to deal with, but you gotta slither, sneak and steal to get what you want in life, you gotta be extremely cunning, and you can’t for one second let people get inside your head and know who you truly are, because if you do, then they can take it all away from you just as easily...

Oh yeah and the title is Tail End of the Apocalypse btw

Title: Man Pet

Characters:

George (20s, Male)

Wesley (50s, Male)

Doctor Greys

Master

Guest 1

Guest 2

Chimera Spiderhawk

---------------------------------------------

EXT. HOUSE, NIGHT

George exits the front of his house with a bag of garbage, walking toward the rolling trash bin by the curb. As he opens the lid and lethargically deposits the bag, he looks to the night sky. He wears a t-shirt with an alien head above the words "I WANT TO BELIEVE" He sighs as he sees nothing noteworthy among the twinklings stars. He turns to head back inside when suddenly he's seized by a pillar of otherworldly light.

GEORGE: "What the!?- Ohh no way....NO WAY!"

George looks gleefully upward to the light refracting form of a cloaked UFO as he's being pulled upward by the beam of light.

Transition white into-

INT. UFO OPERATING TABLE

Wincing from the intensity of the light, George rubs his eyes and a smile emerges as he blinks to try and see the Grey Aliens he knows and loves from pop-culture. Through his blurry POV, it would almost appear that they look like that, but after a few more blinks, he sees their pale, gaunt forms to be far more terrifying than he ever imagined, in grotesque and disturbing detail. He screams as they clamber gas masks over his mouth and hold him down while strange and painful chrome devices jut out of the bed he's being lain prone upon. The alien beings whisper something to him in an incomprehensible language and smile with a disgusting row of tiny baby needle teeth. An ominous echoing voice drowns out his muffled scream, eminating from his mind

DOCTOR GRAYS: "BE A GOOD BOY....BE A GOOD BOY NOW, YES...GOOD BOY."

This does not calm George, the strain of his screaming turns his face beat red, but his eyes roll back and his eyelids flutter. His shouting trails off, and he has been sedated. Chrome tools spin and whirr to life, glowing with unknown energies and mysterious purpose.

Cut to black.

INT. GIANT KITCHEN.

George bursts awake and launches himself upright. He is completely naked. Not a thread of clothing on him, and what's more disconcerting is where his penis and balls once were, a surgical, stitched scar of an "X" remains. He has been neutered in his sleep. Near to him is the equivalent of a kiddie pool's worth of water, and a sandbox-sized pile of what can only be described as large beef jerky chunks. As he scans the cavernous space of his dwellings, he can only conclude that this must be the alien equivalent of a kitchen area. Machinery the size of buildings emit a dull hum, and countertops reach up a story tall. George shakily lifts himself to his feet as he hears strange chattering from the other room.

The slapping of bare feet on the semi-metallic tile flooring fades beneath the conversations being held in the giant alien living room. There, he sees three massive, tentacle-faced, long-limbed, gilled, green, and hideous monstrosities chatting it up over a cup of tea. One appears to be of a higher status than the other two guests. One guest notices George first, and gestures at him making cooing noises.

They all turn to look and burble what appears to be chortles of admiration.

GEORGE: "....I...I Wanna go home."

MASTER: "Oook'grut'kka, 'I wanna go home.' Grag-ag-ag-ag-ag-agh!"

GEORGE: "Wh-...HEY. FUCK YOU!"

George was on the verge of tears when he turned and went back to the kitchen, combing his fingers through his hair as one of the guests mimic'd his "HEY. FUCK YOU" and they all erupted in laughter again. George exasperatedly pawed at his stitchings, inspecting the void of genitalia with distress.

WESLEY: "Ah, welcome to the-"

GEORGE: "GYAHHH!!!"

George was startled by the silent approach of Wesley, a fat old man in his 50's, also naked, also neutered. After a beat, the 3 aliens can faintly be heard resuming their conversations with concerned questions in their tones.

WESLEY: "Charmed. I'm Wesley and unless I'm getting senile, I believe I heard you speak english."

George: "...George...where am I? What are these things?"

WESLEY: "Well, the ornate one is the Master of the house, and we are...uh...at her house."

George: "Her!?"

WESLEY: "Trust me, son, there ain't no dangly bits on ET. I've been here for...what probably feels like thirty some-odd years, and I ain't ever seen 'em do anything out of the ordinary for a lady on Earth."

George: "Thirty Years!?"

George stared into nothingness in abject horror

WESLEY: "Yessir. They picked me up in 1985, I remember it like it was yesterday. Just minding my own business on a farm when suddenly a blue light came outta the sky and plucked me away from my toys, loving family, pet dog...though I guess now I'm more like a pet dog to the Master, but- I know what you're thinking...it's not as bad as you think, alright?"

GEORGE: "I gotta get outta here."

WESLEY: "Yer fed twice a day, and there's a great bath for us at the other side of the house."

GEORGE: "I gotta get outta here."

WESLEY: "Now- hold on. If you do good, sometimes she'll get you special treats. Like real meat and eggs and stuff. It's mighty fine."

George stares into Wesley and studies the face of a man that has embraced utter complacency with being a prisoner.

WESLEY: "And when she wants to snuggle at night? Heh. That's a perk."

George nods and mutters "ok" while he starts scanning the floor for anything useful. Wesley prattles on (improv) about the advantages of living as an indoor only house pet, from an indoor-only house pet perspective. After looking underneath machines, around corners of trash bins, George finally finds a giant pin that's almost as long as he is tall. He brandishes it like a weapon, and heads for the human sized doggy-door cut into door to the alien backyard.

WESLEY: "Hey, waitaminute, you can't go! I finally have someone to talk to in this place!"

GEORGE: "Wesley, this is no way for a man to live. THIS is no way for a man to live!"

George points at his crotch. Wesley pleads.

WESLEY: "Listen, it may not be perfect...but we were chosen and it's clear...while this might not have a lot of going on for it, at least it's peaceful. At least they're not trying to eat us.

GEORGE: "Yeah, give it time. I'm sure they'd have no problem picking our bones clean."

George clambers over the flap of the doggy door and takes his first few steps to observe a giant, bewildering landscape. He's awestruck at it's immensity beyond the fence line. Wesley stays inside, but hold the flap open.

WESLEY: "It's not just that, George...there's strays. Like us, but feral. They're almost tribal, George! Deadly! They're the reason I don't go out at night anymore. Come back inside, don't be silly. You haven't even given it an honest shot yet.

GEORGE: No George, and I don't intend to. I'm gonna find the Greys that did this, and I'm gonna get back to Earth! I thought aliens would be smarter...better than us! But it turns out they're all dicks!"

WESLEY: "...Just like us."

Wesley breaks from the plea to look up in shock at something behind George. An eight-legged chimera of a spider with wings, mandibles dripping thick, glowing venom lands on the equivalent of a bird house and freezes...its many bejeweled eyes waning a glare slowly as if its checking them out. George reflexively haunched in a defensive position with his sewing needle.

GEORGE: (whispering) Wes....I could use your help, man....you know this world a lot better than I do.

A noise offscreen as George turns to find Wesley gone, and the doggy door still flapping. He looks up at the door's window to see the Master snuggling the naked Wesley, kissing his round belly while lovecraftian tentacles flap and wriggle around the old man. He futilely struggles to get out of her grasp, knowing if he fell at these heights, he was done for. He reached out to George through the window, and mouthed with his lips "BE CAREFUL OR COME BACK." with a nod.

George realized he was on his own. The dark starry skies weren't dissimilar to his last visions of earth, as he turned to face the chimera beast. Gone. The bird house still swaying as if it just recently took flight. George gulped, grabbed his needle tight, and plunged forward through the grass...to freedom.

Discount Detectives:

Dicked Twice

Characters:

Main Cast:

Detective Harold Moustache (always sweaty and disgruntled caffeine addict. Quick to get things done)

Detective Ed Jackson (More classic noir. Always recording but never gets everything right. Butchers idioms. Can’t handle himself around women. Often not paying attention.)

Police Chief Guy Sticker (more like stick him. Overtly gay police chief that constantly tries to make people uncomfortable.)

Stephanie Hergenwolfmenortisspunkenmerner (practically ditsy secretary that has issues with contractions and possibly dyslexic. Apathetic. Really bad at her job. Cute but not used for overt sex appeal)

Supporting Cast:

Curator (Older middle aged guy who is very uppity)

Child Thief (Homeschool loner kid who missed out on a lot of social constructs and is going through puberty.

Janitor (Older Italian immigrant that has an infatuation with a lot of the art works from his homeland)

Scene 1 (A small room filled with two large desks and a couple of detectives sitting facing each other on opposite sides of the room. A window in the background showing the cityscape though changes to something else everytime to camera looks away and back. The scenery gets generally more and more insane as the story is told.)

Harold is sitting at his desk looking disgruntled at his computer. His fan is quitting out which pulls his attention away to bang on it to get it working again. Ed is finishing notes on their last case.

Ed- I think you are overworking that fan leaving it on all the time.

Harold- Working just fine a couple of minutes ago. Piece of crap. Damn heat.

Ed- It actually isn’t that hot in here. Thermostat is set to 69.

Harold- Should’ve set up shop in Alaska. (Proceeds to chug coffee from a mug bigger than the coffee maker on his desk)

(Police Chief wistfully enters the office)

Guy- Hey boys. Are you done pulling my dick on that last case?

Ed- Finishing up now chief.

Guy- Give a guy a little more warning before… oh we are still talking about the case?

Ed replies with a blank stare

Guy- Have you gotten the file on the ‘Heavy Heart Case’?

Harold starts to scatter everything across the desk in an attempt to find the file. After a short moment puts his arms on the desk to make him look more like a bulldog.

Harold- STEPHANIE!

Stephanie walks apathetically into the room.

Stephanie- Yeah… what?

Harold- DID YOU BRING ME THAT FILE! THE HEAVY HEARTED ONE!

Stephanie will roll her eyes.

Stephanie- What did it look like?

Harold- I DON’T KNOW! YOU DIDN’T GIVE IT TO ME!

Ed- Typically it is in the usual yellow folders that you always give us. Might have said heavy heart on the tab.

Stephanie will start with a large intake of breath leading to a sigh that will last the whole way out of the room, and still sighing when she returns. She has a stack of folders in her hands that she will throw onto Harolds desk.

Stephanie- It is one of these, sir…

Harold- Thank you so much (actually trying to be genuinely sweet to her as she leaves) (looks at the chief) Sucha sweet girl. Promising future.

Ed nods in agreement but the police chief has a very gay disagreeing look on his face. Harold will look at the stack of folders on his desk and sort through them by flinging them in Ed’s direction. Camera will cut to Ed sitting there unmoved while folders splash over him.

Harold- Nope, nope… not it. Wrong one. This isn’t it. Cult genocide… Might look into that later.

Ed- (Holds up folder) This one is from three years ago. (Tosses over shoulder)

Harold- So much that could have been done. Here it is! Heavy… Heart. Hmmm. (starts to read)

Guy- What do you think? Think a big boy like you can hold this case in your masculine strong hands?

Harold- uhhhhh… sure. No problem. Let’s get out of here Ed. No need to be pissin’ around here. Work to do.

Guy- Good idea. (Has suggestive look on his face in reaction.)

Harold will grab the coffee maker on his way out.

Scene 2 (In the museum in front of the Heavy Heart statue of the man holding his “heart” out to a woman who has her back turned to him and the heart jewel would have been held lower but it is missing)

Ed and Harold are talking to a curator while there are still patrons in the background looking at other arts.

Ed- So what’s missing. Looks like all of the sculpture is still here.

Curator- This piece a greco omage by the Romans representing a man’s love for a scornful wo…

Harold- A big dumb red rock that looks like a heart. That’s what it said in the file.

Curator- (Looks offended) In layman’s terms. But it is a large crimson ruby that has held its form for centuries.

Harold- Yep. Dumb rock.

Curator- (looks more defeated than anything) Do you even need me for anything?

Ed- Do you have any camera footage of the night it was missing?

Curator- Yes of course. I can show you the security room.

Harold- Eh. It's a dead end. You never get anything good from those 240p cameras.

Curator- It is all you really have since the janitor cleaned everything before the police arrived to collect evidence. On accident of course.

Harold- Hah! With out first suspect! The janitor! Progress! (Will start to chug coffee from the pot while nodding in agreement with himself)

Ed will be furiously writing things down with a comically oversized pen.

Scene 3 (Janitor’s closet. Riddled with cleaning equipment, supplies and pictures of suggestive art works.)

Janitor is sitting at a small desk with his feet propped up on the desk looking at a handful of pictures of the statue while having a tear in his eye. Harold busts through the door.

Harold- YOU DID IT DIDN’T YOU BASTARD! ADMIT IT!

Harold bum rushes the Janitor spinning him around quickly to bring them face-to-face. Harold pulls a gun and puts it on the Janitor’s cheek. Ed catches up and also gets in the Janitor’s face while scribbling quickly in his notepad. Ed is sketching the janitor’s face.

Janitor- Whaaaaa… No, no, no. Itwas not me. I uh, mi amore! I love the heavy heart. It brings me much joyous to clean every night and morn’.

Harold- JUST ALL THE MORE MOTIVE! (still shaking the janitor and his gun)

Janitor- Seniroa I am as distraught as you. I cry so much. While the heart is missing so is, so is mine. Poor Flavio Luca. Like me he only wished to adore a woman who could never love him back. See, see? Look how beautiful it is. (Janitor shows the detectives a picture of the statue he took)

Ed Takes the picture giving it a better look over.

Ed- His story seems to have legs. But who else has that much access to this place?

Janitor- Uuummm. The Curator's nephew. He runs around here a lot unchecked makin’ a mess. I clean so much.

Harold- hhhmmm Another lead eh.

Ed- Looks like we are on a better streak than usual.

Harold- We have gotten everything we could out of him. (Both detectives turn and start to leave the room) Besides don’t you know janitors clean messes. Not make them.

Janitor is whimpering in the background having had wet himself in fear still whimpering from being held at gunpoint. Door closes on the scene.

Scene 4 (Curator’s office)

Curator is sitting at his desk hanging out with his nephew standing next to the desk awkwardly. Harold and Ed has already walk in and start to mull over their notes with the suspects.

Harold- Alright Ed what have we gotten so far?

Ed- (pulls out notepad) Big dumb rock. Missing. No evidence. (reveals crude picture of the Janitor) Not Janitor. (Back to notes) Nephew? (Ed shrugs shoulders while saying the last of his notes)

Harold- (Claps hands with coffee mug in hand) And that’s where we are at. The only other person with as much access as you or the janitor is your nephew. (Harold will start a slow belated pace while giving out the rest of the information) While the janitor was a good lead he seemed to only have a hard on for the statue. He is already upset enough it went missing. You obviously have nothing to gain from it. (This is directed at the curator who will give a worried look around the room) This will leave only one other suspect… (Harold will grumpily turns toward the nephew and point a stern finger in his face) How do you feel about art? You like art?

Nephew- It’s pretty dumb. Just a bunch of old stuff.

Harold- So you didn’t think it was just really shiny? Pulling a prank with you and your friends maybe?

Nephew- I don’t have any friends.

Curator- He is homeschool and his parents send him to me on the weekends when they want some time away from him. They think it could help with his education being in a museum.

Off-screen Narrator- Will the detective duo find the craft cappering culprit? Will Harold ever get over his crippling coffee addiction? Does Ed’s notes have the evidence needed to finish this case at the end of the next episode? Find out the answers to all these questions and more next with the Discount Detectives episode.

Harold- Who the hell was that?

Whole cast looking around confused.

The Micro Managed Adventures of Diablo

-by Survesh Jones

EP1: Office Space [Part 1]

Intro:

   What was your most Bad Arse moment from your child hood? Doing something cool and bad, like bunking your class and not getting caught? Or riding a motor bike with a stranger? Or cheating on your test?

   Well thanks to some people I was destined to know, I had no such cool Bad Arse moments. So I planned to exact my revenge, on those people by becoming the most Bad Arse person the universe ever knew.

Scene 1: Finding an office

Characters:

   Diablo - Who wants to be Bad Arse

   Mr. EarWax - Diablo's assistant

   Ms. PinkNose - Diablo's assistant

Place: [Diablo's room]

Premise:

   [Diablo decides to become the most Bad Arse person in the universe and decides to find a place to start working from, where no one can find him and sabatoge his plans.]

Diablo: Man, I am going to become the most Bad Arse person in the universe and exact my perfect sweet revenge on those two. Mwaahahaha!!!!!! Mr. EarWax, how did the reconnaissance mission to find an office for our work go?

Mr. EarWax: Ah master, I have found just the place for our endeavours towards Bad Arsity. And the best thing about this place is, its absolutely FREEE....!! (exclaims excitedly as he was victorious)

Ms. PinkNose: Where is this place? It sounds exciting already. Well I wonder how cool our new office is going to be?

Mr. EarWax: Well there is one minor thing, the office place is located in a very dark place and has no air conditioning in it.

Ms. PinkNose: You must be joking Mr. EarWax. Hahaha ... Nice one. You almost had me.

Diablo: Waaa Mr. EarWax, you are a funny man. There is no stopping you. Dark and no air conditioning. Hahaha. Cute. [Wipes a tear off his eye that trickled down his cheek as he laughed so hard]

Mr. EarWax: Ha ha ha [Wierdly trying to match their enthusiastic laughs]. I am not joking, I am super serious. In fact the reason we got it for free is because people tend to steer away from that place as it is feared of being haunted by evil ghosts and no one chose to occupy that spot because its dark and has no air conditioning. [explains as a matter of factedly, in the most frank way he can put it]

Ms. PinkNose: oh farts. [Loses, her josh and is just pissed]

Diablo: You are right, Ms. PinkNose. We can't work in a place that is haunted. Didn't we discuss about the nightmare episodes in our therapy sessions Mr. Earwax. You of all people should know this. [Looks at Mr. EarWax with eyes that convey, you know what I am talking about]

Diablo: And think about Ms. PinkNose, how can she survive without air conditioning, how can you survive without air conditioning, how can I? [dramatically]

Mr. EarWax: Master Diablo, its the only place that comes under our budget (which is non existent). And I think that a dark and scary place would provide a more apt ambience and would be a place that no one can find that easily. [Envisioning the possibilities that the dark ambience offers]

Mr. EarWax: And I am pretty sure that fluffy cotton, cat and bunny dolls can survive in dark and hot places. So don't worry about us.

[Mr. EarWax drops the hard facts like a Bomb dropping Patronizer]

Mr. EarWax: And stop being a baby Master Diablo, you have to tough it out or you can't exact revenge on those two. You can never achieve your dreams of being the most Bad Arse person in the universe.

Ms. PinkNose: Yes, Master. Mr. EarWax is speaking on the best interests of our company. We can't let our fears of scary foul beings of the darkness and excessive heat stop us. We have to do it. We have to exact revenge on those two.

Diablo: You are right guys. For a moment there I almost fell into the traps laid by those two people. Living with them has made me weak and succumb to the necessities of the pampered and scared of the feared ones. [Getting all fired up and forgetting about his past worries]

Diablo: No more shall I let those thoughts pull me down. Nothing can stop me from exacting my revenge. Mwaahahaha!!!!!! [Ends the scene with a Diabolic, echoing Laugh]

Scene 2: Moving In

Characters:

   Diablo - Excited and eager about the new office

   Mr. EarWax - Proud to present the office

   Ms. PinkNose - Excited about the new office as well

Place:

   [A really hot place, in the undergrounds. Its so hot that everybody who comes down gets a red flush, like a sun burn and sweats so much that they look bony without any flesh back inside their skin]

Premise:

   [Diablo packs up all his necessities and moves to the new office place]

Ms. PinkNose: Master Diablo, did you pack all the necessary items. Becoming the number one Bad Arse should take some time?

Diablo: Do not worry Ms. PinkNose, I have packed enough clothing, entertainment and food that will last us for decades. I nearly emptied the snacks box those two had, before coming. And I have brought in all the home work books so that we can do our homeworks on time.

Mr. EarWax: Good Master Diablo. Home work takes top priority. Or else you know what happens.

Ms. PinkNose: NO! Remember we have taken an oath not to talk about that incident ever again Mr. EarWax. Do not remind me of that inhumane event again.

[Diablo, wipes a small tear that trickled towards his cheeks and opens the door to their new office. A huge rush of hot air invites them as they move away from the Air conditioned staircase forever into depths of darkness and heat.]

Mr. EarWax: So guys what do you think of our new office? Isn't it a beaut?

[Room Description: Nothing but darkness and heat]

Ms. PinkNose: It sure does live up to its reputation, I will give you that. This place is indeed scary. Its worse than a closet.

Diablo: Look there in the back, there is a red light that is radiating huge amounts of heat. The bad spirits haunting this place must be angry at us for disturbing their eternal sleep. Do you guys hear the slow growl of those evil monsters?

Ms. PinkNose: Don't worry, I will scream badly until they get out of here. You can count on me chief.

Diablo: Yes, please do immediately.

(Ms. PinkNose starts screaming the worst possible screeches that man kind ever had to listen to)

Mr. EarWax: Ahem, let me hit the light switch before you guys turn this cartoon into an anime series.

(Everyone was struck by the sudden flood of light that blinded their eyes. Ms. PinkNose, screamed even harder as she thought her screams had become light and was saving them from the monsters in the darkness. After sometime everyone's eyes got adjusted to the sudden burst of light and they saw what was in front of them.)

Ms. PinkNose: Screeeech!!!!! Are the monsters out yet...? [still screaming on top of her lungs] I think that my scream has magical powers, that I didn't know of before. It must be my destiny that I came down to this dark office with ghosts. [shouting loudly, though the entire room was just super quite, except for a slight rumble]

Diablo: Ms. PinkNose, I think you should stop screaming and open your eyes instead. [slightly poking her with his index finger]

[Ms. PinkNose slowly opens her eyes]

Ms. PinkNose: Waaa.. iiit, What? What happened to the dark office with the red eyed monsters?

Mr. EarWax: Apparently the 21st century, houses come with better electrical wiring and quality lights than the houses in 1970's Rhode Island. Oh and the red glow and the rumble comes from the heating coils of the heater over there, that the building uses.

Ms. PinkNose: Ahem, ha ha ha (coughing and laughing awkwardly). Sure they have. Wow, look at this place, isn't it nice.

Mr. EarWax: Yeah, its not much, but we can work from here and possibly work towards becoming the Baddest Arse in the universe. And since its shrouded in darkness no one should be able to locate this place easily.

Diablo: I couldn't have asked for a more perfect office. Thanks fellow warrior. Hopefully since we have a new hideout, we can start working towards planning and perfecting the acts of ultimate coolness and bad Arseness without being spied on by those two creatures who always pride in sabatoging my plans.

Mwaahahaha!!!!!! [Diablocal laugh echoes again]

Continued .......

EP1: Office Space [Part 2]

Scene 3: Wishes, Rainbows and Thunder Storms

Characters:

   Gary Oswald and Gigi Oddes

Place :

   [A room, which is dark and occassionaly lit only by the wisps of sparks and light that emerge as the hands of the pair sitting in that room move about doing something important.]

Premise:

   [As Gary and Gigi were working on their daily job, they heard a commotion coming from the basement of their house.]

[Ms. PinkNose: Screaaaach!!!!!]

Gary: What is that kid up to now?

(Gary moves his hand and suddenly the holographic 3d models that he was working on changed to represent an old fashioned TV that has knobs on it, instead of buttons. The static in the screen was then replaced with a view of their basement)

Gary: Hey, Honey look at this. (Trying to hold on from laughing out loud.) He is at it again.

(Gigi, sends part of her consciousness to Gary, as the rest of her consciousness was caught up in a never ending battle of listening to the messages that they have been recieving, since day 1)

Gigi: Honey, I think we must let him loose atleast sometime. I think he hates that we are micro managing his every move.

Gary: But look at him, he is now trying to claim the basement as his lair for doing Bad Arse stuff!!! (Gary starts Laughing out loud uncontrollably and falls from the cloud he was sitting on to the floor below, starts rolling as he laughed so bad that he started farting rainbows without controll and it started to rain outside while the sun shone bright.)

Gary: Priceless...! If we don't micro manage him, will he hate us as much as he does now and be doing these things to spite us?

(Gary looked at Gigi as if he was talking the most sensible things)

Gigi: Yes, you are right. (Gigi's part consciousness started rolling on the floor uncontrollably, And people around the globe started getting their wishes true for a few minutes she was rolling on the floor, as she lost her concentration laughing.)

Gigi: Look at him go with those dolls we gave him. All cute and Bad Arse, plotting against us.

Gary: It builds up his character, better he plots against us than the universe.

Gigi: Yeah it does, but I think the heat in the basement is turning my baby red. Can you take him to his room and make him take a bath before dinner?

Gary: But he is just starting, look at him go about his diabolical laughter.

[Diablo: Mwaahahaha!!!!!!]

(Gigi glares at him and wisps of lightning start coming of her hair, the climate outside changed from Rain with Sun, to thunder storms. Gary got the message.)

Gary: Alright honey cool down, carry on with the messages. I will take care of Diablo.

Scene 4: Busted

Characters:

   Gary Oswald

   Diablo - Thankfull that the monster was actually the heater

   Mr. EarWax - Annoyed by his peer's stupidity

   Ms. PinkNose - Kind of pissed that the Monster turned out to be the heater

Place:

   [The Basement]

Premise:

   [Gary decides to pull a prank on Diablo before taking him to his room]

[As Diablo was in the middle of his diabolical laugh, the lights in the room started to flicker]

Ms. PinkNose: Mr. EarWax, what was it again about the 21st century houses and their electrical wirings? Look there the heater is just acting up all weird.

Mr. EarWax: I don't think there is a problem with the electrical wiring or the heater, that seems to be a red eyed monster. [as a matter of facttedly]

[The Red Eyed Monster let out a really loud growl and slowly came near the lot, they could see the monster moving closer to them with each flick of the light. And suddenly the light just stopped and the whole room was filled with pitch black darkness.

Suddenly, a bright red light illuminated their faces, as the monster opened its eyes. The monster stood right in front of their faces, monster's eye bulge just touching Diablo's face. With the big red eye, as tall as Diablo, staring right at them, The trio stood frozen in fear for a moment. Diablo Gulped in a big wad of saliva, Mr. EarWax wiped of the cold sweats and Ms. PinkNose was still bewildered in horror]

Mr. EarWax: Ms. PinkNose, I think you should start screaming now.

Diablo: Any second now, Ms. PinkNose.

[As Diablo nudged Ms. PinkNose, she came out off her frozen state]

Ms. PinkNose: Ah, right, yes. SSSCCCCRRR..... EEEEE..... EAAAC..... CCCCHHHHHHH.......!!!!!

[Ms. PinkNose started screaming at the top of her lungs the most ear drum bleeding screech ever heard.

The red eyes became white. The big dog face that was in front of them, glaring and breathing hot steam, started shrinking and transformed into Gary. The dark room, was once again well lit by a fluorescent tube light]

Gary: Stop screaming at the top of your lung's Diablo, its just me.

Diablo: You!!!

Diablo: How did you find our secret office?

Gary: What.. You mean the basement? Ha ha, come on champ, its time for dinner. Mom wants you bathed and dressed before dinner. Come on lets go.

Diablo: I can't believe my plans are sabatoged again. Now I have to find a new place where you guys can't find me.

Gary: Hmm.. don't worry champ, you can play in the basement, we won't bug you anymore.

Diablo: Really, like I would fall for that trap.

Gary: Oh I swear, but just wait till we get some proper air conditioning down here. Mom will blast me for letting you play here, if you turn red and bony from all the heat radiation.

Diablo: (smirks, and laughs the most diabolical laugh in his mind, at last air conditioning.)

[Gary tries not to laugh out loud and maintains a stern father face. Picks up Diablo and his toys and goes up for dinner]

--The end--

Characters:

Kyle - A dopey young guy

Claude - A ginger with an occasional bit of ‘tude

Beverly - Kyle’s extremely talkative step sister.

Mac - A 12 year old boy who means well.

The Alien - wait what?

Scene 1:

(A nice suburban house.)

(Kyle, Claude, Beverly are sat on a couch watching t.v, Claude and Beverly already in mid-conversation.)

Beverly - ...it’s ridiculous really. A bunch of old out of touch politicians making sweeping choices for people who probably have never heard of them.

(Claude looks visibly tired of the conversation)

Claude - Bev, for the third time, I don’t care.

Beverly - But how couldn’t you? Don't you find it appalling that areas like this are ruined by people who culturally devalue education and exploit the ignorance of the masses? I mean, there may be some onus on said masses to properly call out said underhanded tactics, but at what point does the blame fall on them? I suppose…

Claude (Interrupts) - Yes? No? I don’t know! Bev your on a roll again, please tell Kyle to tell you to give me a break.

Kyle - You should probably give her a break Bev, you have been going on for a bit

Beverly - Oh I’m sorry...I guess I have.

(an awkward silence sets in)

Beverly - I’ll uh… go see if there's anything to snack on.

(Beverly gets up from the couch)

Kyle - Could you bring me something too while you’re there.

Beverly - Sure

Scene 2:

(Beverly walking toward the kitchen)

Claude (Heard from on her way there) - I need to piss, where's the squirt by the way.?

Kyle - (Slightly muffled due to bev getting farther from them) Upstairs playing. I think I should go...(inaudible)

(Beverly arrives to an unlit kitchen, she tries the lightswitch next to her but it only turns on the hallway light.)

Beverley - *Sigh* Of course…

(Beverly notices an old small t.v on the kitchen counter before diverting her attention to the cabinets above it.)

(Cut to the digital space, a small cute looking alien floats carelessly amidst a sea of soundwaves and memes. It turns its attention to the camera.)

(It stares at large square that displays Beverly sifting through the cabinets from the T.v’s perspective.)

(Cutting back to Beverly, she is seen looking through the cabinets before the faint sound of whirring static grabs her attention.)

(She pauses briefly and looks back down at the t.v)

(Returning to the aliens perspective; it see’s Beverly stare at the t.v curiously)

(From Beverly perspective; She sees that the alien is also staring back at her with equal curiosity)

Beverly - Man, kid shows have gotten weird over the years.

(Beverly casually hits the off button on the T.v and thusly removes the alien from view.)

Scene 3:

(Mac sits in child's room reading what seems like a comic book. Kyle walks in.)

Kyle - Hey kid.

Mac - Hey, any word on the van? (not breaking his gaze at his comic.)

Kyle - No, they haven’t gotten back to us about that, I’m real sorry kiddo.

Mac - *Sigh* Its fine, how long are we staying here anyway?

Kyle - For a bit, Mako let us have the place for the month.  

Mac - Cool...

Kyle - So...uh...what’cha reading there?

Mac - *Sigh* Nothing worth talking about. Just something I found on Mimi’s desk.

(Kyle spares a look at the computer desk on one side of the room the cluttered work desk on the other.)

Kyle - Oh really? Thats funny, you know I used to help Mimi with her homework way back when.

Mac - Really?

Kyle - Yeaaaah... she hated math.

(Cuts back to the kitchen where Beverly is still searching for snacks)

Beverly (Muttering) - Like seriously do a quick run to the store, it can't be that hard to…

(She is interrupted by the sudden loud noises emanating from the fridge.)

(She stops what she’s doing and moves cautiously to the fridge.)

(She slowly opens the fridge to find that it's completely fine. But before she could do anything else, the freezer door above it swings open and hits her across the face. She stumbles back, through hazy vision she sees the alien’s shape, lunge at her from the freezer.)

(It comically shakes Beverly’s head as it tries to violently strangle her with its bare (and tiny) hands.)

(Beverly throws herself around the kitchen to loosen the aliens grip but to no avail. She stumbles out of the kitchen and finds herself against a door in the hallway. At this point the alien is on her back, shaking her neck like the world’s most violent book-bag. Without looking she opens the door and hurls herself inside.)

(This was the door the basement, the two tumble down the stairs, Beverly is hit in the head with a passing railing and is knocked unconscious.)

(After the fall, the alien calmly gets up, dusts itself off, boots Beverly once in the head for good measure, and raises its arms in victory.)

****Continued in following post****

****Part 2****

Scene 4:

(Returns to the bedroom with Kyle and Mac, who are both just hanging out.)

(The aliens face appears on a desktop monitor in the room, staring at the pair. Kyle looks up from his daydream and casually notices the alien.)

Kyle - Well that's a weird screensaver. I never figured Mimi was into Sifi.

(The alien breaks into a cold sweat as its eyes meet Kyle’s. It suddenly disappears as a small bolt is seen striking a nearby lamp. Kyle is visibly confused.)

Mac - What is it?

Kyle (turns to Mac) - N-nothing. I guess I’m a little paranoid now that we've stopped moving. I swear I saw a…

(Kyle looks back at the desktop to find the alien stepping through the screen and into reality . Kyle is speechless as Mac looks up from his comic.)  

Mac - What the heck is that?!

Kyle - Wait you see that too?

Mac - YES!

(Without wasting a moment, the alien leaps onto Kyle and attempts to throttle him. The two fall to the ground in a scuffle. Mac looks on in fear as the alien gains the upper hand and throttles Kyle’s neck.)

Kyle - *Ack!* Summon..*ack*...something!

Mac - I don’t have my cards!

(Mac feverishly looks around the room.)

Mac(Shouts) - Beverly!

(Mac looks around the room frantically, feeling up random objects that represent vaguely threatening things.From action figures, A poster with a superheroine, to even a doll that looked like a cute garbage monster. Meanwhile Kyle and the alien are practically throwing each other around the room with their struggle)

Mac(To himself) - Wait a second…!

(Turns to Mimi’s homework desk. He rushes toward it and finds a math workbook. Meanwhile Kyle managed to regain the upper hand and has the alien in a headlock. The alien slips out of it and scrambles to the computer desk.)

Kyle - Get back here you little shit!

(The alien scrambles up the desk climbs on top of  a nearby closet. From there it stands as Kyle tries to reach him. The alien, pats one of its elbow, signaling that it's about to do an elbow drop)

Kyle - *Pffft* Just try it!

(Without missing a beat, the creature delivers a Macho Man style elbow drop onto Kyle's face.)

(Mac swifts through the workbook and finds all sorts cuddly mascots alongside angrily solved math problems. Many of them are defaced, some have faces scribbled out, others have mustaches drawn on them, one poor creature appears to be drawn to be impaled by spikes. Meanwhile the alien is thrown onto the computer desk, before Kyle can lay into it however, it quickly grabs a nearby lamp and zips into the ceiling light bulb above Kyle. There's a brief pause in the fighting before the alien leaps from out of the lightbulb and onto Kyle’s head.)

Mac - *Gasp* You could might work...

(Mac spots a vaguely robotic looking character that seems untouched.)

Mac -   In times of anguish I put faith in thee

For my attacker’s face is unknown to me

I require the aid of one most tactical

Perhaps my fate is with the MATHEMATICAL!

(The room is doused with a bright light that enveloped everyone in it. As it dimmed, a figure is seen hovering over Mac. The alien, who was in the middle straddle punching Kyle, stopped to look at this new challenger.)

Mac - Man, Mimi really hates math.

Kyle(pained) - Yeah, she needs a tutor.

Fracto-tron - I am Fracto-tron! Defender of Planet Mathula!

Mac - Cool! Fracto-tron of Mathula, defeat this strange creature!

Fracto-tron - Of course! So my humble star wanderer what is 2040 in simplest form?

Mac - Wait, wah?

Fracto-tron - What is 20/40 in simplest form?

Mac - 1/2?

Fracto-tron - Correct!

(Fraco-tron fires a staple like projectile from its hands. Exploding on contact, the project sends the alien flying across the room. The alien crashed against a wall, seemingly dazed and confused.)

Fracto-tron - What is 76/200+ 42/200?

Mac - Uhhh…. 118/200!

Fracto-tron - Tut-tut-tut. All answers must be in simplest form.

Kyle (pained) - 59/100

Fracto-tron - Correct!

(Fracto-tron sends another large staple from his hands, pinning the dazed alien to the wall)

Fracto-tron - Now, last but not least! What is 3 3/6 X 12 9/12?

(Kyle and Mac eyes widen. They both attempt to solve the question as there occasional mummers fill the room. Meanwhile, the alien begins to regain it sense and notices the now idle Fracto-tron.)

Kyle - Wait, what does she have written down?

Mac - I don’t think she got up to that question yet.

(Mac and Kyle are now hunched over the workbook as the alien is seen leaping onto Fraco-tron in the background. It proceeds to rip Fracto-tron’s arm off before reaching into Fraco-trons now exposed wiring. It zips into Fracto-trons systems, prompting it to scream out in pain. Mac and Kyle don’t seem to notice as they continue to try and solve the question. Fracto-tron, now visibly pained is seen punching dents into its own head before crashing onto the floor.)

(Kyle casually looks back and does a double take.)

Kyle - Mac!

Mac - Hang on I think I got this…

Kyle - MAC!  (Mac turns around)

(The two turn to find the alien ripping off the head of a mutilated Fracto-tron, turning to the boys as it were confused by Kyle and Mac’s shocked expressions.)

Claude - What the hell is going on here!

(Everyone turns to find Claude at the room’s doorway.)

Mac - Be careful! This thing is dangerous! It just showed up out of nowhere! I think it can…

(Panicked, the alien quickly touches a nearby power adapter and zips across various electronics in the room rapidly. Lamps, lightbulbs, the desktop, even a  nearby phone is zipped to.)

(From Kyles point of view, he is just barely able to track it before losing it completely.)

Mac -Where’d it go?

Claude - Where did what go? Whats…?

Kyle (Interrupts)- *Shush*! You guys hear that?

(Everyone goes silent. The faint sound of buzzing could be heard from somewhere. After a few buzzes, Claude looks at her chest in bewilderment.)

Claude - Is that my fucking pacemaker?

(Before anyone could react, the alien violently explodes from her chest. Everyone screams as Claude's body falls lifeless to the ground. The alien, still in Claude’s chest cavity, looks down at the visera under its feet. Even it seems a little surprised of what it just did. It looks up to find Kyle and Mac in a far corner of the room, covering their mouths and noses. The alien climbs out of the chest cavity, nearly slipping on its way out. The alien looks back at the two, visibly unsure of what they were doing.)

(Suddenly the sound of sizzling can be heard. Bubbles and welts are seen forming on Claude’s face and body. Suddenly one pop’s and many others follow, each sounding like a mini firecracker. The alien backs away slowly as grey steam seeps out of the popped bubbles. The grey smog slowly form the vague shape of a person before plunging itself into the alien. The alien screams as every pore on its body is invaded by the grey smog. Its falls to the ground, spasming wildly as Kyle and Mac look on in horror. )

(The aliens screams suddenly stop and the room goes quiet. The alien gets up and inspects its body.)

Kyle(Shouting as if it were def) - Did you get it?

The Alien(Claude) - *Blaga*

(Claude pauses in realization before simply nodding. Claude moves over to the nearest desk leg and begins to slowly hit her head against it.)

Kyle - Aww man, and you really needed that last body huh?

(Claude nods her head against the desk leg)

Kyle - Man that sucks.

(Cut to outside view of the house.)

Kyle - Hey, wheres Beverly?

ASTROMON!

Characters

Dusty: Bounty Hunter- Stoner- Emotional- Charlies Brother

Jack: Bounty Hunter- Strong- Dumb

Charlie: Bounty Hunter- Selfish

Lady Sensei: Astromon Master

Student: Lady's pupil

Boss: The gang's boss

Ninji-Queen: Lady Sensei's Astromon

Samurinu: Student's Astromon

EXT. DAYTIME. DESERT GREENING

DUSTY (V.O.)

About 100 years ago, an asteroid crashed into Earth destroying much of humanity and spreading a new life-form across the world known as ASTROMON. 

Student Astromon sparring his Sensei.

LADY SENSEI

A Tidal wave, a cup of tea, a tear drop or a sweaty buttocks. Water is versatile. Be like water my friend.   

STUDENT

Thanks for the pointer Lady Sensei! Go-Go.. Samurinu! 

Samurinu is summoned. 

LADY SENSEI

Remember your basics... Ninji-Queen.. Attack!

STUDENT

Remember my basics... OK. Got it. 

Ninji-Queen is summoned. The two Astromon scowl. 

NINJI-QUEEN

Ninji.. 

SAMURINU

Samurinu! Samurinu!

Ninji-Queen raises her sword.  

NINJI-QUEEN

Queen..

Jack ambushes and BODY SLAMS Ninji-Queen. Bones CRUNCH. 

JACK

AHHHHH!

(Simultaneously gasp)

LADY SENSEI & STUDENT

WHAT!!?? 

Jack cradles Samurfly.

JACK

So cute and cuddly.. 

SAMURINU

Samurinu.. 

A tear drop DRIPS down Jack’s face. Then he SMASHES Samurinu onto the ground. Charlie sneaks in the background. 

CHARLIE

Give me your money woman! 

Charlie goes to punch Lady Sensei and MISSES. Lady Sensei FINGER-JABS him in the eye. 

LADY SENSEI

Haaaaya!

CHARLIE

Oof!

Jack GLARES at Lady Sensei and student. They run away.

LADY SENSEI

Run!!!!

STUDENT

It’s going to eat us!!!! 

EXT. OUTSIDE. TRAIL

Jack is dragging Samurino and Ninjimon chained up. Jet catches up to Jack.

CHARLIE

Ha ha! Marvelous work, Jack!

Jack stops and stares at the two Astromon he has chained up.

JACK

So.. This.. The right thing to do?

CHARLIE

Absolutely! The profit we’ll make from these babies will be ridiculous!  

JACK

Pro..fit makes their pain okay??

CHARLIE

It’s either their pain or ours, Jack.

Jet smirks.

EXT. DAYTIME. CAMP

Dusty is sitting under a tree, smoking a joint, and gazing at a photograph of their mother, Jet and himself when they were

children. Dusty EXHALES.

DUSTY (V.O.)

This isn’t the life you wanted for us... but we don’t have a choice. 

Dusty’s Astromon Device beeps.

DUSTY

Hello...

BOSS (V.O.)

You, your weasel brother, and that troll...

Jack and Charlie enter the camp. Jack still dragging the Astromon on chains. Dusty COUGHS and LAUGHS stoned. 

CHARLIE

Dusty.. What is wrong with you?

JACK

The Devil..

DUSTY

No. Jack.. Why are they chained up?

Jack is confused. Dusty tosses his joint roach. 

DUSTY (CONT’D)

Did you forget we have the Astromon Energy Device? It draws any wild Mon’s energy into the asteroid crystal on the device. As long as their energy doesn’t belong to another crystal.. Wait.. 

CHARLIE

Dusty, shut up, you’re so irritable when you smoke that stuff.

Dusty is annoyed. He lights a much fatter joint. Exhales.

DUSTY

Charlie, did you steal those Astromon? Did they belong to another crystal? 

CHARLIE

I don’t know what you’re talking about.. hmmm

JACK

Charles said we’d make our debt.. And me hurt cuddly Samurinu! 

DUSTY

You manipulated Jack. 

CHARLIE

Alright, alright! I know someone who owns a “quiet” restaurant. Our plan was ineffective so I decided to try the black market.

DUSTY

You stole those Astromon.. to sell them to a butcher? That’s low dude.

CHARLIE

The plan hasn’t produced results. I need results! I need money!!  

JACK

Charles is a dick.  

CHARLIE

Ugh, you vacuous fools.. 

Charlie cuts the chains and the K.O.’d Astromon lay still. Dusty is looking uncertain. 

CHARLIE (CONT’D)

What is the matter brother?

DUSTY

Ha ha! Oh well, I got a call.. Instead of three months we now have 3 weeks to find a First-Rate Astromon... or we’re dead. 

CHARLIE

Goddamnit...  

DUSTY

So, lets stick to the plan! We’ll find our Astromon. We’ll find our freedom... And Charlie.. 

CHARLIE

What?

DUSTY

Let’s do this as brothers.. for mom...

CHARLIE

Quit being so keen... Ok. For mom.. 

Dusty tosses a joint roach on the ground. The two brothers shake hands. Dusty cracks a smile and Charlie is unhappy.

DUSTY

Lets head west towards The City of Dreams!

CHARLIE

You should quit smoking so much.. 

DUSTY

It helps me function!

CHARLIE

That’s not even west. You idiot.. 

DUSTY

Oh. ha ha.. 

CHARLIE

I hate you so much. 

TO BE CONTINUED??

END

Dr Loong and the problem case

Characters

Bert- the grumpy patient

Hank- another patient

Receptionist- just a sharp, clear female voice

Dr Loong- a female MD, who happens to be an animated Chinese character of the word “Loong”, an oriental dragon. She has stick arms and legs, looking like those of a loong and eyebrows over the top of her that raise and lower etc, forming expressions- and a stethoscope hanging down, as if round her neck.

Waiting room of doctor’s surgery

Receptionist: Mr Bert, you’re next – Dr Loong will see you.

Bert: You can go before me (waves toward door with the plate “Dr Loong” on it)

Hank: Er, that’s OK, you were here first.

Bert: I’m not being seen by her, I will wait for a man to be free.

Hank: ( his jaw drops right down in exaggerated horror, til the point touches his neck and his eyes enlarge OTT) That’s terribly sexist, isn’t it?

Bert: No its not; I’m not being examined by a Chinese character, doctor or not.

Hank: ( his jaw drops right down again in exaggerated horror, til the point touches his neck and his eyes enlarge OTT) That’s terribly racist isn’t it?

Bert: No its not… (as door opens and Dr Loong steps out and says in a female voice with a Chinese accent)

Dr Loong: Well, is one of you boys going to come in, I haven’t got all day!

Hank: (Looks at Bert, then, turns back and holds up a hand) Er, OK, er, I will. (walks to door and goes in)

Inside Doctor Loong’s office- a standard doctors office, but with oriental pictures, such as the Willow Pattern bridge and a Doctors certificate and chinese characters in a frame spelling out something like " humans are stupid"

Dr Loong: So, Mr Hank, what seems to be the problem?

Hank: Er, well, to be honest I don’t know. I seem to be a problem case. I’ve been to a couple of people and nobody knows what is going on. I can’t sleep; I’m not eating properly; my whatsoever isn’t er, saluting properly (points down between his legs) and I have back pain.

Dr Loong: I can diagnose you, no problem.

Hank: (sounds agitated) But I’ve had X-rays and cat scans and biopsys and whatever…

Dr Loong: No problem. You calm down and close your eyes. Don’t open them until I say and trust me (she pulls her stethoscope forward and places it on his chest).

Hank: Whatever you say, doc. (Closes eyes)

Dr Loong morphs from a traditional Chinese character of a loong into the translucent spirit of an actual loong, in a mystical smokey atmosphere- while traditional Chinese music plays- As a loong, her eyes whirl with kaleidoscope patterns and spirals- the ‘camera’ zooms into the whirl of her eyes and out again, then she returns to her character form and the music fades)

Dr Loong: You may open your eyes, Mr Hank.

Hank: OK, so what you got for me?

Dr Loong: What did you want to know?

Hank: Well (frowns), what’s wrong with me, of course.

Dr Loong: (speaks slowly in a mysterious echoing, fading voice) What’s wrong with you; what’s wrong with you. (then loud and brightly) OK! You can’t sleep because you drink too much coffee, your wife switched the decaff to regular and never told you. You’re not eating properly because you are mildly depressed because you can’t sleep, but also because the food at home is unappetising since your wife lowered the salt in it, again, without telling you; your whatsoever isn’t saluting because you are not sleeping properly, you are not eating properly and because your sex life is not inspiring; you have back pain because you need a new mattress, and also because of that position you were persuaded to try a few days ago because your wife is also not inspired by your sex life. Hmmm…

… What’s wrong with you. What’s wrong with you. You are afraid of ants; you have mild eczema on your arms; you patronise the women at work without realising it; your shoes are out of fashion; your left eye is slightly astigmatic and you can’t sing to save your life. Any more questions?

Hank (again, the jaw and eyes thing with a long pause). Errrr no, err that will be all. I just er, well actually, one more thing Dr Loong. Do you, err have any recommendations for the sex life thing? (shrugs and grins, with reddening cheeks)

Dr Loong: She likes her feet licked, slowly. Do it all slower and longer time. More satisfying for her is more satisfying for you, Mr Hank.

Hank: (heading for the door) Amazing; I don’t know what else to say. I can’t thank you enough Dr Loong (exits leaving door open)

Dr Loong: (shouts) Close door! (door closes) Stupid humans.

Took a stab at this, ended up writing a four part web-series that's a psychedelic remake of Karate Kid with arcade games.

Thanks for the excuse to write something weird :D

Chucked the first episode into a pdf:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1aePp9gNUHWO2rAwZnliE6brhB7dyNzyX/view?usp=sharing

Pest Technicians

Siona: She got her nose punched in school and will probably be disfigured for the rest of her life. She also probably had it coming from a mile away.

SD: Short for Simon Doyle. The hardest working man is a social deadbeat. His boss is also a lot younger than he his.

Sting McQueen: When your life goes mostly as planned.

Scene 1:

An orange box of pills rattles slightly closer and closer to the edge, before it reaches the edge, a hand grabs it and puts it in the left pocket of a flowery shirt. That’s Sting McQueen, a person worthy of this name.

Sting looks up, Siona has been intensely staring on the dissemble weapons, sting has been cleaning them for most of the trip. He tries to not draw attention to her broken nose, but there still a slight bit of disgusts staring at it.

Siona: I want a gun.

Sting: You’re ten years old.

Siona: More the reason.

Sting: You don’t know how to use one.

Siona: I’ve already used one.

Sting: Not well enough, if you miss, you might damage one of the pipes.

Siona remains silent.

A screen lights up blue on a monitor on the wall, sting stares at it for a few second, then turn back at siona.

Sting: here’s your suit (pointing at one of the lockers), it’s pretty straightforward, you put it on like an overall, and then attaches the numbered clips together, there’s 16 of them.

Siona looks at the suit, it has an extra pair of sleeves and is clearly made for a Gorg and not a child.

Sting leaves Siona as she suits up and he proceeds to the driving cabin.

Scene 2:

Sting sits in the passenger seat, closing the door behind him. SD is at the wheel, he’s been more or less sulking for the whole voyage.

The radio is playing, the presenter is babbling about his family and his two elder sons who joined him today.

Kid radio presenter: (In a very monotonous reading fashion) And now specially for every kids at work with mom or dad today here comes Cactus with Ret.. Retriss..

Radio Presenter: Restrictions! Take it away son!

SD turn off the Radio before Newgrounds needs to pay licence fees for the music.

Sting: What happened to your daughter’s… (He motions to the centre of his face).

SD: (Reluctant) She had an accident in school.

Sting: I see. (Brief pause) A second cable has just been ruptured in sector B, probably the same thing that did that. If we land at this cross-intersection, we can access both of them on foot.

SD: (Lovingly sarcastical) Yes sir !

He types the coordinates into the GPS panel

Siona opens the door, and comes through all suited up, the extra sleeves are just knotted together over her stomach.

Siona: Give me a weapon, I want to be useful.

Sting: (Looking at SD) It’s your call.

SD: She can carry some ammo.

Scene 3:

The hover wagon land next to a steel tunnel entrance, the two back hover pads are in prestige new condition, while the two front ones are desperately waiting to be replaced.

The side hatch opens, Siona is the first to go out, she is carrying multiple boxes of bullets as well as a fuel container. She runs out into the tunnel entrance. Her footsteps disrupt the stale water, she stops a few meters inside the entrance, looks around and turns back.

Siona: Which of these tunnel do we go in?

SD: Stay behind us, we need you close hand for the ammo.

Sting: It’s also not always safe in these tunnels.

Sting checks his wrist map and motions for the tunnel on the left. SD opens the way.

Scene 4:

The three of them are walking, SD and Sting close together, looking back every few seconds on Siona trying to keep up. Siona is really feeling the weight of the equipment, but hopes that no one will notice.

Just before arriving at a corner of the tunnel, Sting stops and motions everyone to be silent.

Splotches of water can be heard around the corner.

Sting peaks around the corner, turns back, nervous, takes the orange pill box from his pocket.

Sting: (whispering) we’ve found our cable, (He swallows a pill) there’s three Styx around it.

Siona peaks around the corner, her eyes grow big with fear as she represses a gasp.

Three jet black oily humanoids shapes. Their loose mouths filled with thin unevenly distributed sharp teeth dribble liquid tarmac as they gnaw at the electric cable. Bolts of electricity flashes from the un-insulated part as it boils the water around it.

SD: We set traps here? (Pointing at the floor).

Sting nods after recovering from his nervous burst.

Sting: Siona come with me we need to get a bit of distance.

SD sets up three traps on the ground. Sting assemble the flame thrower with Siona paying close intention.

Sting: Whenever you’re ready SD.

SD adjusts a silencer atop his carbine and arms it. The silencer doubles his weapons length and seems very cumbersome.

Sting: you stay right behind me.

SD aims his carbine at the figure closest to himself.

He shoots, the head bursts open. Without looking if he succeeded, he turns back and runs towards Sting and Siona, keeping to the side of the tunnel to avoid the traps.

Having realised what happened, the two other Styx, starts chasing SD, the first one stops short of grabbing SD as his body speeds to the ground. One of the traps has closed itself onto the bone of his leg.

The second stops just behind his partner and leaps right across all the traps.

SD is at arm’s length of the jet black claws, the monster lunges himself, SD looks up at stings, he ducks to the ground under the water. The Styx overshoots SD, and is received with a burning inferno from Sting’s flame thrower. Sting make steps backward to avoid the flying lifeless burning carcass but trips onto Siona and they both fall to the ground. The flaming body extinguishes itself as it land atop of Sting.

The remaining living Styx bites furiously at his leg, SD manages to recover himself but the Styx is already free, panting on his remaining legs he makes for SD. SD shoots, but nothing comes out, only a weak click sound, he realises that his carbine is jammed.

SD: Sting!?

Sting struggles to understand what is happening, he’s still struggling under the water, trying to push the carcass away from him.

SD is frozen, desperately tries to reset the mechanism.

The Styx is closing onto SD.

A hand reaches for Sting’s gun in his holster.

Bang. A bullet splashes the water right next to the monster.

Bang. A bullet swooshes by the monster.

Bang. The monster’s throat explodes.

Siona is frozen, the gun still aiming at the dead creature.

SD and Sting look at her.

SD turns to a pipe on the opposite wall, it’s leaking a red gas were a bullet punctured it.

SD: Shit! We gotta move, more of them will be coming!

Sting: (lowering Siona’s gun) Ok… you did good, we need to move.

Cackling screams echo in the tunnels around them.

They pick up the fallen ammo boxes and make haste.

Pest technicians Part 2

Scene 5:

They’ve only been walking for a few minutes, glancing back, Siona hears growls, scream and the sound of fighting were they were just 2 minutes ago.

SD suddenly stops his steps, gestures for silence.

Flock Flock Flock Flock - Faint sound of steps in water can be heard ahead.

Sting swallows.

Sting: Two of them?

He motions for his shirts pocket. It’s gone! In agitation he pats his whole body.

Sting: Damn! My pills! I must of drop them earlier.

SD (looks backwards, hears the faint screams and looks back): You’ve got some in the hover wagon right?

Sting: Yeah… I do.

The Flocks can be heard increasingly.

Siona corks her gun.

SD takes it from her.

SD: We don’t need this again.

Sting (Hesitant): We’ll let them pass.

Sting starts frantically unscrewing a panel in the wall, he’s half way done with the first screw before SD proceeds ripping the panel of the wall as quickly and discreetly as he can.

Sting: (Motioning at Siona) get in there.

All three of them cramp in with their equipment. The space feels like a corn field inside a toilet box, they have to fight with cables in order to make the slightest of movements. SD covers the opening with the now deformed panel. Two shadows appear on the other side of the tunnel.

Sting is breathing heavily. SD grips his carbine and closes his eyes.

Siona: What’s goin…

SD briskly covers her mouth with his hand.

She gives out a repressed sound of pain, her eyes start watering.

Two jet black hunched figures pass in front of them. With each steps their lower jaw dips into the water, their black saliva mixes with the water around it.

They are too preoccupied with their destination to pay any attention to their surroundings.

They pass.

SD gives a sight of release and takes his hand off Siona. He then realises the pain to her nose he produced.

SD: I’m sorry Sye.

She accepts it without saying a word and produces a slight smile.

Sting is now sweating, he focuses on speaking, and with demanding energy manages to produce a whisper.

Sting: We gotta move, I really need my pills just now. (The last word breaks into only air).

They get out of the hiding place, Sting crumbles to the ground. SD picks him up.

Sting: I’m alright, I just need a little break.

Sting chokes and then spits out one of his teeth.

SD: No you’re not, we’ve had our break in this closet. The longer we wait the more of them will be clogging this area.

He picks up Sting, Siona releases Sting of his flame thrower fuel.

Scene 6:

The light of the open air can be seen. Siona runs at the exit of the tunnel.

Siona: Dad?

She puts her equipment down and runs back towards Sting and SD, One clutching at the other.

Siona: Dad the hover wagon is gone!

She helps her dad place Sting down. Sting is sweating, pale white, his gums are turning black.

He’s lost consciousness.

Siona: Dad what are we going to do!

SD: Just.. Just let me think! Sting wake up! Sting!

He shakes Sting’s brittle frame but realises that it will do no good.

Siona: Dad! How do we get out of here?

SD opens his communicator and closes it fiercely just as soon.

SD: Damn! It’s no good!

Siona: Dad?

SD: Okay, we don’t have time to find the hover wagon or an exit just now. We need the pills!

Siona: (Pointing at the tunnel) we can hear them from here now!

SD: What choices do you see?

Siona: We can look for the hover wagon

SD: Look where? Siona it could be on another planet by now for all we know!

Siona remains silent a few seconds.

Siona: Okay let’s go.

She proceeds to go into the tunnel.

SD: Siona! We need to prepare ourselves before we do anything.

Siona: I can’t run very fast when I’m carrying boxes of your ammo!

Reluctantly he hands her the gun.

SD: Don’t use it unless I tell you so. And don’t shoot another pipe.

She looks shamefully at him for a second then takes a screw driver from Sting’s belt and starts opening a panel close by.

Siona: If we put him in there he should be safe from the Styx.

They cramp Sting and the extra equipment they have inside, screw the panel back in place, SD hatches a cross on it with a knife.

Siona: I’m guessing this isn’t a usual day on the job Dad?

SD: Well No, but we’ve had worst.

He hands her Sting’s holster.

SD: You’re bound to need more bullets.

She puts it on, looks very proud with herself.

Siona: How do I look?

SD: You look cool.

Siona: Alright! Locked and Loaded!

Siona tries spinning her gun like a cowboy, SD goes to take the gun out of her hand, but his brisk movement only makes the gun fall into the water.

SD: It’s not a toy, it’s not a game, stop fooling around Sye!

She picks it up. It only occurs to her now that she doesn’t know how to reload her gun.

In silence they cautiously walk into the tunnel.

Days Just Random: Ep 00 – The Lost Vidcast



Host: Parodia Illusio [pah-row-dee-ah ihl-loo-see-oh]

Guest: “Quizly”

[Setting – Former DJ Random music podcast host Parodia Illusio starts up new venture as a vidcaster for new show called Days Just Random. After countless requests, the host finally shares her first episode.]

Parodia: Hey everybody. Against better judgement, I will share with you my first day on air. I’m dreading this severely but here it is.

[rolls clip]

Parodia: Welcome to the show! I’m your host Parodia Illusio. Some may remember me from my other show, DJ Random, which was a hit in itself but things didn’t go as expected.

You may recall a little promo contest where I mentioned a new show I was planning and asked if anyone would be interested in helping with the first episode ‘Questions Stranger Than Answers.’ The question limit was five and only one took interest. Rather than get the questions right there, they wanted to do the Q&A live so I agreed.

[Guest signs on]

Our Guest has just signed on and they don’t have a vid feature but they do have audio. [to guest] Say hello and introduce yourself.

Quizly: Hey everyone. My name is Quizly and I’ll be quizzing Miss Illusio today.

Parodia: Neat. We went over the rules prior so none of the questions will break those rules correct?

Quizly: Correct. Ready to begin?

Parodia: Ready as I’ll ever be.

Quizly: Question 1: Should I file a police report if I get shot by a deer?

Parodia: I’m sorry, what?

Quizly: [repeats question]

Parodia: Are you talking about you, shooting a deer?

Quizly: No.

Parodia: Please explain.

Quizly: Me and friends were out quail hunting and this deer comes out of nowhere and fires a shot at me.

Parodia: Uh huh.

Quizly: We didn’t want to believe it at first but its hoof prints were on the weapon.

Parodia: Mmhmm. Not sure what good the report will do but you’re more than welcome to file.

Quizly: Cool. Question 2: Every morning when I head out I always see a group of dark birds chasing this larger light colored bird. What are they trying to do?

Parodia: Well, did you see a dark colored shape underneath this light colored bird?

Quizly: Yeh.

Parodia: I’m guessing they launched a rescue mission to get their friend back from this light bird.

Quizly: Is the lighter bird trying to take the darker bird to the light or something?

Parodia: You can say that.

Quizly: Nice. Uh… [clears throat] Question 3: I find ravens fascinating yet I’ve been told they have a strange group name.

Parodia: Ok.

Quizly: The name?

Parodia: Oh! A group of ravens you mean. Uh..I think they’re called a conspiracy.

Quizly: Weird. Why?

Parodia: Probably due to their association with superstitions and most things dark. Any more questions?

Quizly: Just my remaining two.

Parodia: Okay, fire away.

Quizly: Question 4: There are squirrels in the nearby woods that exhibit strange behavior. They’re normal at first but as soon as people approach they start throwing sticks and acorns. Why is this?

Paroida: They’re a secret security force. Next.

Quizly: Fine. This last one you have to answer. Question 5: Are facts always stranger than fiction?

Parodia: I-I…guess.

Quizly: Can you be a little more specific? As in, provide an example. Please.

Parodia: sighs The only thing that comes to mind are urban legends. Some are extraordinary beyond belief while others will blow your mind; even more so when you discover their origins.

Quizly: -silence- Like the Gatesmith Knight of Duck Chase Manor?

Parodia: goes a little pale Sssssort of. [power goes out]

[transition back to present show]

Parodia: Not one of grandeur grant you but it is what it is. Fortunately, there haven’t been any other [feed pauses – then error message shows on screen]

Title: The War of Fangs

Characters:

Vlad (Leader of the vampire army, Sava's father)

Sava (vampire rebel, leader of the human army)

Soldiers (Austrian soldiers)

Scene 1 (castle, interior, night)

Rain is pattering against the windows mercilessly. The towering Vlad, no less mercilessly, is looking down at his son. Sava stands resolute, his red eyes fixing his father's. 

VLAD

Why?

SAVA

It's wrong.

VLAD

It's wrong!? Wrong!? What's wrong is the fact that we have been destroyed, hunted and exterminated for thousands of years! And why? Because we have bigger teeth than them! They were afraid of us, and we paid the price. How could my son, my own son, who I taught myself, fail to see this? They could have lived side by side with us, and they refused. The reason we have the power to create this army are their own attempts to destroy us. And when we defend ourselves, they hate us more!

SAVA

They may have exterminated us because we were strong, but that was thousands of years ago. They didn't choose the actions of their ancestors.

VLAD

They could have stepped up at any moment, they could have said no.

SAVA

No, they couldn't have! Half of them thought we weren't real and the other half was taught we were a threat!

VLAD

Then one half of them will have been right. And all of them will see how wrong they were when they chose to do to us what they have done. Then and now. Your own mother and brothers--

Vlad swallows. Sava recoils for a moment, before coming back to his senses and resuming his position.

SAVA

No! You're the one who can step up now. You have that power. You've brought together one of the most powerful armies in the world, they would guarantee our safety. Isn't it better to put the crimes of their past behind us than to reinforce their misguided beliefs!? Break the cycle, father!

VLAD

The cycle will be broken when all human scum is gone from this world. Otherwise they'll destroy and take and destroy and take and drive us into the shadows until they push us forever into myth. They're the reason we can't go out into the sunlight, have to stay cooped up inside for half of every day no matter what. For millennia, they've made no effort to understand. They've refused to understand! And if you can't understand that, you are no son of mine! I'm sorry.

Sava's eyes get teary, but he turns around and walks out the door resolutely.

VLAD (whispering)

No son of mine.

Scene 2 (Castle, exterior, night)

Sava hurries down the steep hill on which the castle is located. He puts on the hood of his white cloak and gets in a boat on the shore of a wide river. He looks back once before setting off.

Scene 3 (different locations, exterior)

We are shown shots of Sava travelling along the river, avoiding detection by patrols and hiding with his boat in the forest at some points during daytime. Sunny weather is soon replaced with storm clouds from the direction of his homeland. He soon reaches a more crowded area with many ships and boats passing by. 

Scene 3 (Vienna, exterior, day)

SAVA (in German)

Sirs, I need you to take me to the military heads of this country.

The soldiers look at each other confused.

SOLDIER 1

What?

SAVA

I am a vampire (points to his fangs) and my father is about to ravage this country and the world and enslave all of you.

The soldiers share a glance and nod to each other.

SOLDIER 1

Follow us.

SAVA

Thank you for your cooperation, sirs.

The soldiers lead Sava through a couple alleys. Sava is slightly hunched over, avoiding the sunlight, but moving fast. Finally, they reach a dead end street.

SAVA

This can't be the right way. Where exactly are you taking me?

SOLDIER 2

Well, you're a threat to society at large. A madman. So, it is our duty to ensure you're taken to an appropriate mental hospital. But first we have to make sure we're not troubling the good doctors without a good reason. Oftentimes a simple smack is all that's needed. Or a few.

The first soldier sets his gun down while the second turns it around in his hand so the butt is facing Sava. The first soldier hops around so that he ends up behind Sava. He gets ready to lunge. He suddenly drops to the ground, flailing like he's having a seizure. He then gets up with a blank look on his face and slightly more pale. His friend stands mortified.

SAVA 

(Sighs) You tried to hurt me, and I'm trying to save you. Really? Don't worry, I won't hurt you, but if you try anything again, it will not be pleasant. Now take me to the head of this country's military.

The soldier nods his head and gestures Sava to follow him. They walk through streets and squares, the brainwashed soldier following them emotionlessly. Finally they arrive at the Hofplatz, where the Ministry of War is located. The guide soldier points to a large, wide white building. As Sava moves across the square, people part to let them through, intrigued and slightly distressed. Sava opens the main entrance to the building. The guards and people inside look at him with suspicion. 

SAVA (shouting)

I am here on urgent business. I must SPEAK to the person in charge of the military operations of this country!

A guard approaches Sava and stands petrified. Sava raises his hand.

SAVA

You may find it impossible now, but I am a vampire. And I'm not the only one. To prove it to you, I'll make something completely harmless, yet, to you, unbelievable, happen.

5 military men join arms together and start dancing, and then get down on the ground and roll around. Everyone stands speechless and looks on.

SAVA

If this is all it takes to shock you, then you must prepare. My father will be here soon and, trust me, he deals in more than cheap tricks. There is a war brewing.

(CUT TO TITLE)

Fool’s Gold

Episode 1

Characters:

Zolin: Son of El Dorado’s king, escaped sacrificial victim, and the only intelligent character in the story. Wily and also a bit of a coward.

Don Pedro: A conquistador. Greedy, ignorant, haughty, grandiose, and bombastic.

Ohtli and Patli: The two high priests of El Dorado.  Idiots who are obsessed with astrology and want to sacrifice Zolin to their gods.

A group of hunters from El Dorado clad in jaguar skins.

Scene 1

(Broad view of El Dorado, a city made of gold. Gentle tribal rhythms play as the camera zooms into the summit of a golden pyramid where to the two high priests Ohtli and Patli are lounging and talking).

Ohtli:

(angry)

How many years is it we’ve been planning this sacrifice Patli? How many?

Patli:

Four years.

Ohtli:

Four years!

Patli:

And five months.

Ohtli:

Four years and five months! It’s almost as if Zolin didn’t want to be sacrificed. What kind of madman turns down the privilege of being the final sacrifice of the decade? He would have been the star of the show. Instead he hightails it into the forest with a bag full of gold nuggets.

Patli:

Yes, and I find it strange that he would escape while lugging around a sack full of useless, heavy, mineral ore. The most commonplace stuff you could find. It would only slow him down; make him easier to catch, not to mention making him a slower target for god knows what kinds of bloodthirsty animals are lurking beyond the city limits.

Ohtli:

(Suddenly brandishing a big headdress adorned with huge and colourful bird feathers)

Now this! This is worth stealing, and much lighter to boot! Did you know two of our best hunters died out in the rainforest looking for birds to bedeck these beautiful things?

Patli:

Oh Really? Then I’m positive Zolin doesn’t stand a chance out there.

Ohtli:

If there’s even the slightest possibility that he lives, I’m willing to risk sending as many hunters as it takes to bring him back home. I have consulted the heavens several times and the gods have made it quite clear: a sacrifice of royal blood is absolutely essential. Besides, its not like the king has any other children.  

(Camera starts to pan away from Patli and Ohtli and into the distant rainforest as they finish their conversation).

Patli:

He must be pretty distraught, hmm? The king I mean.

Ohtli:

Oh yes. He was so looking forward to his son’s big day.

Scene 2

(Scene: a beach with several tall trees at its border. Zolin is seen clinging for dear life to a high branch of a tree as a jaguar attempts to climb it. At the foot of the tree is a large bag of gold nuggets, some of which have spilled out. All of a sudden a loud shot rings out and the smoke clears to reveal a tall white man in Spanish military dress and morion helmet. His eyes observe the scene coolly behind his upturned nose and his gaze lingers on the bag of gold. Behind him are several soldiers and horses, as well as a ship at sea in the distance. Zolin slides down the tree trunk and prods the slumped over jaguar with his foot to make sure it is dead).

Zolin: Oh thank you! I though for certain I was going to be ripped apart by that thing.

(Don Pedro’s gaze drifts languidly from the dead jaguar to Zolin).

Don Pedro: Oh, I didn’t see you there, little savage. My name is Don Pedro. The explorer, captain, and conquistador. (Graceful bow). That oversized cat was far to close to that sack of gold I had my eye on. I’m claiming it you see—the gold—for Spain, and for God. I can’t imagine what use an ignorant savage like you would have for gold anyway, but see it as an expression of gratitude for rescuing you from that ferocious beast.

(Zolin sits peaceably with his legs crossed beneath the tree he was hiding in and cheerfully begins to talk, obviously glad to still be alive).

Zolin: Hmm, I suppose that’s fair, seeing as you did just save my life. Besides, where I come from it’s not worth a whole lot. In fact, we use it to build houses, temples, public buildings, we even pave streets with it, but I’ve heard that outside of El Dorado its quite rare, so I brought some of it with me to trade with.

(As Zolin talks: slow zoom on Don Pedro’s face which intensifies with greed as Zolin continues to talk about the abundance of gold in his home city).

My name is Zolin by the way. I’m actually on the run from…

(Zolin’s babbling slows and he grows intimidated as the tall Don Pedro comes closer and looms above him, surrounded by his men who are holding muskets,).

…from, uh…the, uh…high priests…

Don Pedro:

You will take us to your home, heathen, and we will relieve your people of as much of this ‘worthless gold’ as all of us can carry.

Scene 3

(In El Dorado, several hunters dressed in the skins of jaguars trudge away from their city and into a nearby cave whose entrance is partly concealed behind the leaves of the many trees which surround it. Within the cave, the troop comes to a stone tablet set into the wall, and the leader of the group presses certain parts of the tablet in sequence, as with pin code. We are then faced with a huge and dark stone door which slowly rises into the roof of the cave, revealing the hunters and a partial view of the gleaming city behind them. They step over the threshold and run into the forest).

Scene 4

(The conquistadors are walking single file through the rainforest, some mounted, some on foot. Don Pedro is at the head of the line, mounted, with Zolin walking next to him with his hands tied behind his back.)

Zolin:

So what do you call these long-faced things again?

Don Pedro:

Horses.

Zolin:

I’ve never seen anything so odd. Do you kno—

Don Pedro:

—I can see what you’re doing Zolin.

Zolin:

(With a guilty look) You can?

Don Pedro:

We’ve spent the past hour going round in circles and you think I won’t notice because you’ve been jabbering at me non-stop. You heathen natives are all the same: sly, underhanded, godless.  

Zolin:

Alright then, let’s make a deal. I’ll lead you to El Dorado if you promise not to let the high priests cut me open and pull out my still beating heart.

Don Pedro:

I can think of a better deal: you lead me to El Dorado, right now, and I can promise you that I won’t pull out your still beating heart. How does that sound?

(Just as the group enters into a clearing, there is a conspicuous rustling in the bushes around them and the Spaniards at the head of the queue find themselves surrounded by the party of hunters).

End of Episode 1

Because "underlining" in Google Docs doesn't translate to Newgrounds, here is a link to the Google Doc here.

The City.

By Xinxinix

For Newgrounds

ACT 1

"How Did We Make It Here?"

Characters

Cindy - Beautiful, smart, and perceptive, she wears a cloak of her pained past-self and has all the perks of a sexy evil genius. Long hair, long legs, and full of lip-- what's not to love?

Coffman - An obvious villain. His demeanor is that he doesn't care about the affairs of others and only wishes to share his misery-- relentlessly. His teeth are always showing a wide, white smile underneath a metal mask. Coffman is quite bulky-looking, at an above average height, and could easily crush your head in one hand, with his superhuman strength. His immense strength, forged inside the darkest depths of Doom City, is his superpower.

Narrator - The primary narrator has a deep, ominous voice that lacks all traces of emotion except for distaste. He's almost like a detective.

Sean - Angry, stocky, and driven, Sean could find his way into the deepest shitstorm through sheer coincidence. He has dyed-blond hair. It's a natural-colored dark brown and shorter only on the sides and the back. His predicaments are always self-inflicted. The wristwatch on his left arm reminds him of his daughter.

Secondary Narrator - The Secondary Narrator has a lighter, younger, and more personable voice that explains, in reason, what he knows about the situation. It's almost naive.

Setting

The setting is Doom City. A dark, desolate city encased in shadows and deceit. Our main characters are in the basement of a run-down building smack dab in the middle of the giant cesspool known as Doom City. They are contemplating what amount of time should be placed on the gaudy, black, spiky bomb's keypad. The bomb is actually larger than the room they're in, and is breaking through to the first floor via the ceiling. Two entrances flank Cindy and Sean from the left and the right. Cindy and Sean are standing in front of the table and have just finished talking about the plan to blow up Doom City. There's a chalkboard to the left of the table covered in evil plans.

Cindy is wearing a tight spandex suit that's all black. There's a long knife attached to her lower back via a utility belt. The eyepatch over her left eye covers a misty iris that completely lost its vision. There's a small scar over the top and bottom of the eyelids that whispers a story of the past.

Coffman wears all black clothes except for his half-orange mask, a dark grey tattered scarf, dark grey waist cloth, and dark grey finger bandages. His mask is half black and half dark orange. The colors partially split down the middle, with the black tapering to cover his mouth and chin. Below Coffman's scarf are two chains that wrap across his chest and torso, and around his body. The bandages hang loosely on each finger.

Sean is wearing his daughter's wristwatch as usual. His 5 o' clock shadow really highlights the grown-tired look lurking in both his eyes. The bags under them are growing deeper. Smoking, Sean can barely tell he's puffing on a cigarette because he's currently agitated with his cohort. The cigarette instead rests in his mouth, slowly burning on its own, waiting for its purpose. The brown vest he chose to wear fits appropriately over his green and yellow plaid shirt. The pants he chose today were a slate gray with a brown belt. On his hip is a magnum. Likely, in his pockets are bullets. Sean is also wearing an eyepatch, over his right eye. It's not completely apparent why he has the eyepatch on, for he can see perfectly fine out of his right eye. There are two water bottles attached to the back of his belt, towards the left side. Also mysterious.

ACT 1

[camera pans from the city skyline, downward, onto an abandoned building]

Narrator: “There's a reason you'd have never walked into Doom City. It was apparent that Doom City was a pothole filled with grimes and crooks. Inhumane experimentation and corrupt politics clogged every corner of Doom City's deep darkness. There was only one way to deal with a city that had a crime-rate contagion comparable to the Black Plague. And that was a bomb.”

[camera enters the building’s first floor, and pans down to the basement, characters in the foreground]

Cindy: with a relaxed pose and a stern voice “Sean, hand me the erasher, pleashe.” Cindy, showing agitation, reaches out her hand out to Sean

[camera pans up Cindy’s body, showing her off]

Secondary Narrator: “Her red hair and tight body had given her the look of a true babe. But the eyepatch over her left eye showed an apparent flawed side.”

Sean hands Cindy the chalkboard eraser

Cindy: erasing evil plans off the chalkboard “I told you-- it doeshn't make shense to have an 'evacuation' button on the bomb. It should more or lesh have a shellphone number to call for manual detonation.”

Narrator: “Cindy had a speech impediment that forced her S’s and soft C’s into S-H's, but this was not her superpower. Her broken, bruised, and battered soul could not be deterred from her real calling in life-- evil plans.”

Cindy faces Sean

Secondary Narrator: “Obviously, explaining her evil plans was... difficult. So, writing them down proved more effective.”

Sean: “Fuck you.” agitated

[camera on Sean]

Secondary Narrator: “Sean, on the other hand, was much more effective at communicating his thoughts.”

Sean: speaking angrily “I have a FAMILY in Doom City! If I have to abort the operation, I will!” slams hands on the table, having trouble calming down

Cindy: “Hahahahaha, there'sh no way I would let you chooshe the fate of shuch an important duty.” staring angrily at Sean “I have waited my whole life for shuch an opportunity. I will not let you interfere.”

[camera on both Sean and Cindy]

Cindy lunges at Sean quickly with the knife off her back, but Sean, being stronger and bigger, grabs Cindy's wrists and quickly pins her on the table. They are face-to-face, and staring each other in the eyes intensely. They are prepared to kill, should this not deescalate

Coffman enters the room from the right entrance.

[camera on Coffman]

laugh track plays

[camera on Sean and Cindy]

Sean drops his cigarette from his mouth, forgetting about it.

Coffman is standing in the doorway.

Coffman: quizzically speaking “Have I interrupted something?”

laugh track stops, leaving dead silence.

both Cindy and Sean look shocked.

Sean: letting go of Cindy and returning upright, slowly. calmly speaking “I didn't think you'd be here.”

Cindy: getting up slowly, and cautiously “You're shupposed to be dead.” Cindy shivers a single time. the fear is apparent in her eyes as her grip stays on her knife

Coffman takes a heavy step forward

the sounds of gusts of wind growing louder

Coffman: “You know what's funny?” smiling, and heavily walking forward, slowly with one hand out “Is that you thought you could kill me… And now, here I am.”

Coffman is looking down on Cindy and Sean with eyes of deception

Coffman: “You can't kill what's already dead.”

the sound of wind grows at its peak and cuts off

Cindy screams

ACT 2

It's Brighter Outside

Characters

Detective Avril - The days could have gone by a lot smoother for the detective. His dark grey hair is long on the top and short on the sides and back, and a natural light-gray where it's short. His bushy mustache is a jet black. His skin has a healthy color and his arms are hairy and burly. He's a heavyset fellow that feels tired-- exhausted from his many days on the force. Now he's just a P.I., but he still has some fight in him... although he's having trouble finding the motivation...

Secondary Narrator

Setting

The setting is Avril's office/apartment. He lives in Doom City on the 12th floor of a 13 floor building known as 'The Den'. It's famous for the poor and the rowdy. The dope dealers on the lower floors attract a ton of unwanted solicitors. Avril's room only has a bed, a desk with a desktop, a single window, and a small kitchen that leads to an even smaller bathroom. There is a thick blanket of white clouds surrounding the 8th floor as far as the eye could see, and the sun looks like an unprotected egg yolk in the sky. It's truly a bright, blue beautiful day.

Detective Avril is in his striped underwear and a plain white tank top and glasses. His attire looks a little dingy, and sweaty.

ACT 2

[camera in Avril’s dark bedroom]

beeps of a loud alarm clock ending with the button being pressed

in Avril's bedroom, it is dark and gloomy. the shades on the lone window in the room are blocking most of the light trying to pour in

Detective Avril gets up, puts his glasses on, and opens the blinds in his small bedroom and is immediately blinded by the light

Secondary Narrator: speaking gently with wonder “Being above the 8th floor of any building in Doom City meant being above the Clouds. The Clouds were always a bright white, and covered the entirety of, well… everything.”

[camera zooms out and shows a glorious view of an infinite breadth of clouds surrounding buildings that manage to peak out of the white blanket]

Detective Avril stares out the window, sleepily, before going to the bathroom. when Avril leaves the bathroom, he opens the fridge, scratching his stomach, and grabs a beer. Avril opens it and chugs the beer about halfway before taking it from his lips

[camera is outside the window, looking in]

Secondary Narrator: “The only problem was that it was always daytime.”

Detective Avril walks to the window and shuts the blinds. he then walks back to his desk and sits, turning on the computer and handling the mouse

[camera is behind Avril, giving a view of the room and the computer’s bright glow]

computer mouse clicking

[camera on Avril’s face, in front of the screen]

Secondary Narrator: speaking plainly “This could be hard on people trying to get a good night's rest. Many people in the Clouds ended up with insomnia, or other sleeping disorders and mental illnesses.”

Detective Avril is searching through his emails while his face and glasses are covered in the light from the screen

Secondary Narrator: “Many people would’ve killed for a spot in the Clouds…”

Avril drinks his beer again and belches, completely numb to his environment and bored from its plainness

bloop, the sound of an email being received by Avril

Secondary Narrator: speaking slightly ominous “But being in the Clouds would never have protected you from Doom City…”

[close up on Avril’s face]

Ba-Dum, the sound of Avril's heart beat

a sly grin appears across Detective Avril's face

ACT 3

A Burning Sensation

Characters

Narrator

Ruffian A, B, and C - Typical gutter trash of Doom City.

Sean - His ego is hurt, and his body is, too.

Setting

The setting is Doom City streets. A decrepit place lacking worship (and streetlights.) A large fire is engulfing a building, burning it to the ground.

Sean is wearing the usual. Except he had to abandon his vest, due to fire. His clothes are scuffed, and tattered here and there, but they're mostly intact. His watch is unharmed. There is only one water bottle attached to his waist, now. The mysterious eyepatch is still across his right eye.

Ruffians wear assorted clothing that is mainly black. Hoodies, loose pants, jackets, boots, gloves, and whatnot.

• Ruffian A is the leader.
• Ruffian B wields a deadly fireaxe.
• Ruffian C is much bigger and muscly than his friends. His dark skin and take-no-shit expression are large intimidation factors. He could possibly survive a hit from a mac truck. Ruffian C has dreadlocks.

ACT 3

Sean: “Stupid BITCH!” clearly angry, and clearly hurt as he holds his broken ribs and doesn't bother wiping the blood from his head, coming down his face

Sean: “She KNEW this was gonna happen, and HERE I am!” Sean coughs harshly and spits out blood, wiping his mouth afterward

Sean: “UGHHHHHH !!!” frustration and exhaustion show on Sean's face as he sits down against the brick wall of an apartment complex

[camera behind Sean’s shoulder]

Ruffians A, B, and C look from the alleyway across the street and see Sean. They start walking in Sean’s direction

Sean looks over at the Ruffians

Sean: quietly, to himself “Oh great…”

Ruffians walk over to Sean

Sean stands up

Sean: hands up, with a cheerful expression “Look guys, I'm not looking for a fight. I just need to make it home. As you can see, I'm pretty dirty.”

Ruffian A: “Ha ha ha ha ha, I guess it’s our lucky day.”

Sean's expression turns cold and serious

Ruffian A: “Go.”

Ruffian B sprints from behind Ruffian A and attempts to swing at Sean with a fireaxe

Sean: “Tsk!” manages to dodge out of the way

Sean is too slow from his wounds and is caught by Ruffian C during his evasion. Sean is now in a headlock with his arms being wrapped by a very strong, very sturdy person. Sean's arms are above his head

Ruffian A: clearly pleased “Hold still.” flicks out pocket knife “This will be over not-so-soon.”

Ruffian A walks towards Sean slowly

Sean is staring downward, lost for words

Ruffian A: getting closer “What's the matter? Feeling down?”

Sean spews a brownish liquid into Ruffian A's eyes, as soon as he gets close enough

[camera is far behind Sean, and displays an empty water bottle sitting on the ground]

Ruffian A: “AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” clutching his eyes “IT BURNSSSS!!!!”

[camera on Sean, Ruffian B, and Ruffian C]

Ruffian B and C both look at A, astonished and confused

Ruffian B & C: “Boss--?!”

Ruffian C's hair catches on fire

Ruffian C: “AHHH aHHHH, ahhHHHH!” releases Sean and tries to put out his hair

Sean, still bleeding, sweep-kicks Ruffian C's legs out from underneath him

Ruffian C's head becomes engulfed in flames as he flails rapidly on the ground

SWOOSH!! Ruffian B, swings his fireaxe at Sean's head, but misses as Sean moves quickly out of the way

Ruffian A: holding his face in his hands “Hahahahaha... What is this… Gasoline?”

Ruffian B: rushes forward, fireaxe in hand “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-!!!!!!!!”

Sean dodges

Narrator: “Knowing one's opponent was more important than life itself.”

Sean makes a quick movement--a punch during the opening created from swinging the fireaxe--and he plunges his hand into Ruffian B's chest

Narrator: “Bunch of freaks-- I always said…”

Ruffian B is frozen, stopped by Sean piercing his chest cavity

Ruffian B: gurgles, and dies, slumping onto Seans's arm, impaled

Ruffian A: “HAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!” maniacally laughing “AHAHAHAHAHAHAH !!!! Your fingers are probably a sharp metal or something…” stares at his own fingers “...and your fingers also have an igniter of some sort-- something to make a spark...” snaps fingers

Sean stares at Ruffian A, and grins a bit

Ruffian A: “So, is that your power?” smiling, face still stinging

Ruffian A bends over and picks up his pocket knife

Sean slides Ruffian B’s dead body off his arm/hand

Ruffian A: “I wonder what would happen if I cut your tongue out…?”

ACT 4

Look Unto Me

Characters

Civilian

Collector

Dr. Strobius - Brilliant scientist. Too bad he has bigger issues. Like weight, for example. Dr. Mobius has confined himself to a hoverchair within his lab for decades now. Rarely visiting the outside, Mobius is overweight, frail, and unprepared for sunlight or normal conversation of any sort.

Zeal - An entity betrothed to the darkness. Born from it, actually.

Setting

Dr. Mobius’s lab is located underneath Doom City. It is widely known that if someone wishes to make some quick cash that they can deliver a dead body to any one of Dr. Mobius’s Metapods™ located conveniently throughout the city and be paid instantly the sum equal to its exchange in body fat. The laboratory comes equipped with darkness, green tubes full of liquids of god-knows-what, and wires/tubes of mysterious sorts.

Collector is a human clone born from the guts and fibers of other humans.

Dr. Strobius floats around in a hoverchair that boasts neon lights. The color of the lights change with his moods and/or as he’s talking and/or making gestures. It isn’t really known if his legs work properly, but they would definitely have a hard time carrying his top-heavy stature of around if he were to ever actually leave the chair. His garb is that of a typical scientist: crazy hair, crazy beard, rubber gloves, lab jacket, bulky goggles, etc.

Zeal is decently tall. His figure is that of a black void of insatiable power. His eyes show a pure white, as if contrasting the darkness that inhabits Zeal’s very being and body.

ACT 4

[camera pans around the labratory, showing glowing green tubes with skin-colored blobs and bits of people in them]

Dr. Strobius: slightly scratchy voice “I have... finally managed to create one.”

tink, ping-g-g, tink, bump, sounds of beakers and test tubes brushing against each other.

[camera on Strobius]

Dr. Strobius: cough, cough, breath “-I have-” breath “-successfully spliced genes together to create the-” scratches head “-the ‘collectors’ you wanted.”

[zooms in on Strobius]

Dr. Strobius: shrugs his shoulders  “I’ve never understood why an entity that’s void of internal organs would want to have henchmen...”

[camera behind Strobius]

Dr. Strobius: quietly, under his breath, away from Zeal “...especially ones that seek out trouble…”

[camera pans backwards, showing Zeal standing behind Strobius, facing his back]

Zeal is quiet

Dr. Strobius looks around and fidgets a little before grabbing a tube off the table

[camera back on Strobius]

Dr. Strobius: “But…” cough “...here they are…” sullen silence as he swirls around the liquid inside the tube he just grabbed

Zeal is staring at Dr. Strobius intensely

Dr. Strobius sets the tube down, done playing with it

Dr. Strobius: “Would you like to see it…?” presses a button on his chair

[camera on Zeal’s and Strobius’ faces]

A door opens, exposing a white spotlight over the Collector, and Zeal is looking inside, towards Collector standing in the light

[camera on the Collector]

the sound of a heavenly “ta-daaaaa!”

Zeal looks unimpressed, by far

Dr. Strobius has his arms extended in a sideways V, showing off his creation

Collector: “Raawah-rrheehhhrr-rrr-rrr” shrieks and growls a little

pause...

Dr. Strobius: a little warily “Ummm…” pause “It’s a lot more better than it seems…” sweating

Zeal, motionless, arms crossed

Dr. Strobius floats behind Collector

Dr. Strobius: “It creates ectoplasm that it must spewwwww from its guts.” hand gestures

Collector: “groahhhhh-hrhrrr” vomits up light-green ectoplasm

Dr. Strobius: quite pleased with himself “Which is an upgrade from the usual ‘spewing up my own guts’ ritual we’ve become accustomed to.” pleading his case

Zeal: temporal noises conjured from planes where nothing exists

Dr. Strobius: “Ok, ok, ok…” sigh “It also has the genetic code to absorb the inherent powers of anything it eats…” slumps

Dr. Strobius: “This one happens to have absorbed the power of someone that can eat metals as if it were bread with their bare teeth.” hand gestures, impressed

Dr. Strobius: “How amazing…!” lost in wonder of how impressive it would be to eat metal as if it were bread

Zeal is unimpressed

Zeal: “Can it kill?”

Dr. Strobius: “Of course!” presses a button, absentmindedly

a garage-like door opens in the room where Collector had emerged

the door snags a little before fully opening

Civilian: “Oh god no…”

Civilian is inside the room that the garage door opened into

Collector jumps and leaps and bounds towards Civilian before ripping and tearing its flesh off in a gory display

Civilian: “AHHhhhhh--!!!” dying

Dr. Strobius: “Like a metal sandwich, with nuts and bolts on top…” mimes eating a sandwich, not observant of Collector’s eating display, lost in his own thoughts

Zeal watches with evil intentions

ACT 5

Old Prophets, Dead Memories

Characters

Cindy

Coffman

Detective Avril

Setting

Scene 1 - Detective Avril’s car. Avril’s vehicle is a regal with plush dark leather insides and a glossy jet-black on the outside. His windows are completely tinted. The freeways are barely used, since owning a vehicle is more of a hassle than a blessing in Doom City, so they’re left mostly vacant. The freeways are a jungle of ramps and hills and twists overlapping each other.

Cindy

Detective Avril is wearing a white long sleeve dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up. His overalls are dark brown and his belt and shoes are black. Avril wears a tie that is green and yellow striped. There's a bronze wristwatch on his left arm that was most likely given to him by someone special.

ACT 5, Scene 1

[a quick shot of Avril driving on beaten roads, in his shiny, sleek black regal with tinted windows]

[camera is inside the car]

Detective Avril: speaking to his car’s no-hands device “Well, what are we waiting for?”

Avril is smoking a cigar with the top of his car open to let the smoke out

[shots of Avril’s wristwatch, cigar, and nice leather interior and gadgets]

Detective Avril: “We have no choice, we make the move now.” turns the wheel

whomever is talking to Avril through his car is inaudible or unable to be heard

Detective Avril: “I don’t care. You planned this right? This is YOUR problem. Not mine.” puffs his cigar and looks relaxed “Hahahahaha.”

[a shot of Avril’s car taking a turn]

Detective Avril: “No, there’s no way I can do it by myself. He’s smarter than you think, even if we do have…” Avril’s car flies over a small hill on the freeway and his car leaps into the air and slams back onto the road “...history.”

Detective Avril: “I’m heading towards downtown right now-- I’ll have to call you back.”

a slight pause

Detective Avril: “And, Cindy?”

Cindy: “Yesh?” speaking over the phone

Detective Avril: “Don’t fuck this up this time.”

click, sound of Avril hanging up

[shot of Avril’s car heading towards downtown, off the vacant freeway]

Setting

Scene 2 - The warehouse. An abandoned warehouse in downtown Doom City.

Coffman is partially burnt. Because he’s wearing all black, it’s hard to tell, but he definitely was near a large fire recently. His leg is bleeding and he’s wearing a cloak on top of his usual attire, so he can hide his current, beat-down condition.

Detective Avril is now wearing a tan hat and trench coat over his attire.

ACT 5, Scene 2

Detective Avril enters the warehouse

[overhead view above the warehouse’s ceiling fan, above Avril]

Detective Avril: “Did you come alone?”

[camera on Coffman]

Coffman steps out from the shadows

Coffman: menacingly  “Just me and my rage…”

Coffman looks ticked off

Detective Avril: smiling “Good, because this is sensitive information.”

Coffman: standing menacingly “Why did you call me out here, Avril? I hope this isn’t to talk about sparing your son.”

Avril reaches in his coat and pulls a cigarette out and lights it

Detective Avril: “No, no, no, there’s clearly no reason to ask you to do that at this point.”

Coffman: angrily “Then why am I here, Avril?”

Coffman clenches his right hand and a bit of dark power generates inside it

Detective Avril: “You’re here… because it’s time.” puffs cigarette

the warehouse becomes enveloped in bright spotlights, and the sound of police sirens is apparent

Coffman, blinded by the lights, raises his hand to block it out of his eyes

Coffman: “You will regret this.”

Detective Avril drops his cigarette and pulls out his magnum and aims it at Coffman

Detective Avril: “It’s over for you, Coffman.”

Coffman stares intensely at Avril aiming the gun

Detective Avril: confidently, smiling “I’ve been meaning to ask you…”

Avril gets really laxed with his grip on the pistol and makes an ‘i don’t know’ gesture

Detective Avril: jovial “Why are you trying to save this city from itself?”

Detective Avril: “Destruction is the only way for Doom City, but you’re actively trying to prevent citizens from making their own decisions.”

Detective Avril aims the gun back on Coffman

Detective Avril: “Why not just let this city burn, and die?”

Coffman: “Doom City is my home.”

Coffman: calmly “This city is my problem, Avril. Something you could NEVER understand!”

Coffman then moves inhumanely fast and grabs ahold of Avril’s face, entirely covering it with his palm

Coffman: “Now, tell me why I shouldn’t kill you.”

Detective Avril: smiling “Because I know how to stop the bomb.”

ACT 6

I Miss My Home

Characters

Cindy

Dr. Strobius

Sean

Zeal

Setting

Scene 1 - The building containing the bomb, where we first started off. The upper levels have completely burnt down and there's rubble abound, yet the giant, spiky bomb still stands.

Cindy is a bit roughed up from dealing with the fire and Coffman earlier.

Sean looks worse for wear. His last fight with that Ruffian did not go as planned and he suffered a few wounds and is physically exhausted.

Zeal

ACT 6, Scene 1

Sean: coughing up blood

Sean sits on the ground, exhausted, staring at the bomb

[camera behind Sean, in the dark basement, pointing towards the bomb]

Sean is sullenly silent

Cindy enters the scene, frantic

Cindy: “Sean! Where have you been?? I’ve got shomething important to show you!”

Cindy pulls her phone out, pulls up a live feed video, and puts it in front of Sean

Cindy: noticing Sean’s condition “Woah, are you ok?”

the phone displays a video of Coffman being taken into custody

Sean is watching, but completely disinterested

that is, until, the news feed shows Detective Avril

the words "DETECTIVE DECAPITATED IN GRUESOME DISPLAY" appear in the newsfeed

Sean's heart sinks

Sean: extreme disbelief "NO! Its not possible!"

Sean is partway to crying

Sean: furious "I was supposed to be the one to kill him!"

Cindy looks sympathetic

Sean: "ME! MY FATHER! MY RESPONSIBILITY!"

Cindy listens

Sean: "The most crooked cop in the city… and it was my job… my responsiblity…"

Cindy extends her arm and puts a hand on Sean's shoulder

Cindy: softly "Sean, I know--".

a black smog collects and swirls on the ground and piles until a figure is visible

Zeal has appeared

Zeal: staring at the bomb, contemplating "Hmmmm…."

Cindy: shocked "What are you doing here??"

Zeal: absentmindedly "I was told there might be something here that was planning to ruin my city…"

Sean: standing, injured "STAY AWAY FROM THAT!!"

Sean is having trouble standing, and barely has his strength

Cindy helps hold Sean up

Sean: "There's nothing here for you Zeal. Go back to whatever dark hole you crawled from."

Zeal: still facing away "And let this thing ruin my plans? I think not."

Zeal turns around and stretches out his arm towards Cindy and Sean

Zeal: "Tell me how to disarm and dismantle it."

Sean: "You bastard!"

Sean leaves Cindy's side and threateningly steps towards Zeal

Cindy: "Nooo--!"

Zeal releases his power-- a darkness envelopes the basement and Cindy and Sean have lost their sight, completely blinded

Cindy: grabbing her only eye "AHHHHHHH!!"

Sean: also grabbing his one exposed eye "CINDY!!!" the pain is unbearable "AHHHHH!!"

both Cindy and Sean have fallen to the ground

Zeal's darkness has left his body and now inhabits the room, encasing Cindy, Sean, and Zeal in pitch blackness

Zeal is exposed as a mildly tall pale white plain skinny guy with minimal clothing

Zeal: in his partially-tired human voice "Now, I will force you to tell me how to stop the destruction of Doom City from within this impenetrable darkness."

Zeal approaches Cindy

Zeal: "But not before taking what's mine…"

Zeal's hand phases through Cindy's hand covering her eye, and he removes Cindy's eye from its socket and holds it in his fingers before closing his hand to absorb it into his palm

Cindy: screaming

Zeal: "I can phase through anything I want, I can take anything what I want, and I can take you anywhere I want."

Zeal walks over to Sean and calmly plucks his eye as well, while Sean is frantically moving around on the ground

Zeal: holding Sean's eyeball "Now, tell me what I want."

Sean removes his long-awaited eyepatch, exposing a regular eyeball, unaffected by Zeal's initial attack of perpetual darkness

Sean: yelling "AHHHhhhhh!!"

Sean uses the last of his strength and sharp fingers to slice Zeal's arm off that isn't holding Sean's displaced eyeball

Sean then grabs Zeal by the neck

Sean's removed eyeball falls to the ground

Sean: exasperated "I fucking knew it." clenching Zeal's neck

Zeal has cold fear in his eyes and is staring at Sean like a wild animal caught in a trap, as Zeal grabs onto Sean with his only arm

Sean: clearly worse for wear, but extremely confident "My father, the ex-police chief used to always talk about a blackhole of a person."

Sean tightens his grip around Zeal's neck

Sean: "He said, 'There's a man with the ability to blind people and remove their eyes. And like a ghost he could phase through whatever he wanted.'"

Sean: "But there was a catch."

Zeal is struggling to breathe

Sean: "His impenetrable darkness protects him, but should he let go of it to use his power, then he's only human."

Zeal’s face is turning red from suffocation

Sean: "'As long as he breathes outward, he can activate his power of intangibility while human. This power always works while he’s wearing his darkness since he’s technically no longer human while wearing it. As long as he can get the universe to think he's not alive, then he can manipulate his place in the universe, but take all that away, and he's just like you and me. It’s like that last breath you exhale when you die.’"

Sean: “‘The Void of Life’ is what it’s called, I believe.”

Zeal gives up struggling

Sean: “My dad was friends with the doctor that studied the powers of freaks like you.”

[full body camera shot of Sean holding Zeal by the neck]

clenching noises of Sean’s grip tightening

Sean: viciously “Now, how about you give me what I want.”

Zeal’s eyes are bulging

Sean: “Take me to the Doctor or I squeeze your vocal cords into juice.”

Sean: “Blink twice if you understand.”

Zeal blinks twice

Sean: “Leave your darkness here or I plunge my arm through your chest cavity and wear you like a wristwatch. Any sign of betraying me and you’ll be dead in a flash. Blink twice.”

Zeal blinks twice

Sean: “Cindy, I’m sorry but I’ll have to come back for you.”

Cindy is quiet, and defeated from missing both of her eyes

Cindy: “I undershtand, Sean…” would be crying if possible

Sean: staring at Zeal’s human form “Let’s go you piece of shit.”

[camera shot of Cindy being left behind in the dark basement, while she has no eyes]

Setting

Scene 2 - Strobius’ lab, deep underground.

Dr. Strobius

Sean

Zeal in his human form.

ACT 6, Scene 2

[camera shot of Sean and Zeal entering from a corridor into Strobius’ lab]

[Dr. Strobius in the foreground, Sean and Zeal in the background]

Sean has two of his razor sharp fingers at the back of Zeal’s neck

Dr. Strobius: hasn’t looked at them yet “Ah! Welcome back Zeal! I finished some of those modifications you--” turns around to see Zeal in his human form

Dr. Strobius: interested “Ah! But what is this?”

Dr. Strobius stares intently at Zeal and Sean

Dr. Strobius: “Avril’s son is holding the most powerful entity I’ve come to known hostage?”

turns his back to them and continues working on something

Dr. Strobius: a little ticked off “What can I do for you, Sean?”

Sean: “I need modifications.”

Dr. Strobius: “You know, I stopped taking orders when I left The Association.”

Zeal: plainly “Do as he asks.”

Dr. Strobius: still fidgeting with his work “Oh? And give up the chance for him to kill a troublesome entity that forces me to do his bidding?” turns around and looks at Zeal and Sean

Strobius turns back around

Zeal: sigh “I give your work purpose.”

Dr. Strobius: turns back around to look at Zeal, speaking seriously “We’re a partnership from now on.”

Zeal stares blankly at Strobius

Dr. Strobius: turns back to his work “Ok, kill him.”

Sean cocks his hand back like he’s going to karate chop Zeal’s neck

Zeal: staring angrily “Fine.”

Dr. Strobius: ecstatic “Ooooo! I feel like a little boy at a birthday party preparing to eat the chocolate frosting off the cake!”

Dr. Strobius: raises his finger in the air “Commence the modifying of the human form!”

EPILOGUE

What A Fine Time To Cry

Characters

Cindy is missing both of her eyes now. They’re covered by bandages, and she’s definitely worse for wear.

Coffman

Detective Avril

Dr. Strobius

Narrator

Sean

Secondary Narrator

Zeal has returned to his ethereal form.

Setting

All over the place.

EPILOGUE

[camera view of the clouds above Doom City]

Secondary Narrator: “Very few people understood what had happened that day, and those who knew what was at stake had no reason to explain it.”

[camera shot of Detective Avril staring out his window, bored]

Secondary Narrator: “That was the nature of Doom City-- a city that was always on the cusp of total annihilation.”

[camera view of the building that held the bomb]

Narrator: “Disgusting creatures, all alike, and willing to do whatever they had to in order to please their grotesque desires.”

[camera view of Cindy, in the basement, with the bomb]

Cindy has bloody bandages covering both of her eyes

Cindy is beaten down and tired, but she has a faint smile

[camera view of Coffman in front of the building Cindy’s in, staring up at the sky, preparing to go inside]

Secondary Narrator: “It’s hard to believe that there was some good inside Doom City’s darkest depths.”

[camera view of Coffman approaching Cindy]

Secondary Narrator: “But there was.”

[camera view of Dr. Strobius’ lab]

Zeal: plainly “How did the operation go?”

[camera on Strobius]

Dr. Strobius: overjoyed “Amazing!”

Dr. Strobius: “Do you know how hard it is to form a person’s skin cells into an extremely strong carbon?” hand gestures reenacting cell replacement

Zeal: “I would’ve killed him while he was under.”

Dr. Strobius: finger in the air “Ah! But we’re partners now!”

Dr. Strobius: speaking seriously, hunching “And nothing gets in the way of my research.”

[camera on Sean who’s on an operating table, hooked up to tubes, his skin has changed into something more rugged]

[camera slowly zooms in on Sean’s face]

Sean’s eyes open wide when the camera gets close enough, revealing one red eye and one normal-colored eye

Narrator: “Bunch of freaks-- I always said.”

END

Tank Women

Characters:

Vicky: Bold and brash, but does not belong in the trash

Ali: Ditzy but sensible

Tank: Perky and sassy

The Chief: Stern, honorable

Minions: (No, not those minions)

Pippip Cheerio: Big English Chap Mercenary

Mastermind: Evil stoner, junkie, and dope lover.

*music starts*

*A comic book panel shows up at the top depicting a cyberpunk/futuristic looking city at nighttime. Another panel shows a man in a trench coat with a briefcase entering a building. The briefcase says "Hardcore Drugs" on it.*

*screen becomes staticy then becomes red*

ALERT

*Camera zooms out revealing The chief sees this on his large monitor*

*the chief turns around facing the viewer*

Chief: “Tank Women are GOOOOOOOOO!”

*Large bold letters hit the screen by one by spelling out:*

MISSION START

*The tank is shown speeding eastward before going straight to the center of the city*

Tank: “Are you two fine ladies ready for another mission?”

Vicky: “I’m ready to kick ass.”

Ali: “Oh, but I haven’t had my coffee yet…”

Tank: “Either way, we’re on a mission!”

Ali: “It would’ve been better with coffee.”

Vicky: “Or tacos. Let’s go for tacos later.”

Tank: “Uh, we’re going to be busting drug dealers, okay, kiddos? NOW SHOW ME SOME SPIRIT!!!”

Ali and Vicky: “OH YEAH!”

*they arrive in front of the supposed warehouse building with the drugs*

Tank: *whispers* “Okay, ladies…Be very careful…”

*scene depicting the room inside the building with all the bad guys inside*

*Wall explodes Kool-Aid man style with the tank appearing behind the hole*

Tank: “Go go go!”

*both girls leap into the air*