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WFT: roseboy vs. Version2

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WFT: roseboy vs. Version2 2010-05-06 14:29:43


Welcome to the second part of the first round of the Writing Forum Tournament.

Match number: 8
Today's contestants are: roseboy vs. Version2
The prompt's they are allowed to use:

I. Flash Fiction; The story must be less than 600 characters in length.
II. Fanfiction; The story must use preestablished characters from the canon of an already famous story that isn't made by the writers.
III. Historical Fiction; The story must draw elements from real life history and manipulate, twist or otherwise change them to form a fiction story.

The Deadline for this battle is: May 15, 2010

If you have any questions about the theme, tournament, etc. Please post them here, PM me or post them in the main tournament thread. After both stories are submitted, voting shall begin and continue for 2 days time.

Please refrain from posting until both stories are submitted if possible, please. It's preferrable as there are going to be 4 topics posted at once, and I'd like them to be as unbothersome as possible. Also, after voting has been closed if you could also desist from posting in it in order to have as little clutter related to the WFT as possible.

Response to WFT: roseboy vs. Version2 2010-05-11 00:04:14


I just realized the the first topic choice we have is for less than 600 Characters. That's a typo right? You mean 600 words? If that is a typo my story fits in that section.

Anyways, I went with Fan fiction for my main topic. I decided to write a sequel to one of my favorite works of fiction, The Cat in the Hat.

Now before we start, let me make a clarification: This is not poetry. This is written in the style of a pre-reader or early reader type book. In order for me to write a fan fiction based in Dr. Seuss' world, I had to stick to that style. That being said, enjoy fellow writers!

The Rat with a Bat

The kids were in bed,
their things put away.
"It's mommy time!"
I wanted to say.

I sat there alone.
I sat on the couch.
A hand down my skirt,
and a hand in my blouse.

There's no man in the house.
There's no Jack on the shelf.
So I'll sit here alone,
and I'll play with myself.

Nothing to do but
flick, flick, flick, flick
the pad of my finger
on the tip of my clit.

Then something went bump!
That bump made me jump!

From the shadows I saw him
step on to the mat.
From the shadows he came,
came the Rat with a Bat!

"God damn cat"
Said the Rat with a Bat.
"He's been here hasn't he?
The Cat in the Hat?"

"Get that hand out of your skirt,
and that hand out of your blouse,
and answer me bitch,
has he been to this house?"

The Rat had the bat
pointed my way.
From the mat said the Rat,
"Have you nothing to say?"

The Rat jumped up!
He jumped on to my lap!
He said, "Answer me,
or I'll break your knee cap!"

"No!" I cried,
"Just the kids and the fish!
Please don't hurt me,
take all that you wish!"

"I'll take what I want,
you can be sure of that!
But right now, what I want
is the Cat in the Hat!"

He squared up his shoulders,
and pulled the bat back.
I covered my face,
and braced for impact.

"Wait!" said the Fish.
"Don't take a swing!
The Cat was here,
with a couple of Things!"

"Is that so?" Said the Rat
to the Fish in the bowl.
"It's true!" said the Fish,
"They flew kites in the hall!"

"Are they still here?
Are they here in the house?
Come out you bastard!
You got a fight with a mouse!
"

"He left." Said the Fish,
"And you should too.
Since the Cats gone,
there's nothing to do."

The Rat swung his bat,
and whacked the Fish to the drapes.
"Pull up that skirt,
you gonna get raped."

I cried and I pulled
the skirt up my thigh.
He stood there and watched
with a gleam in his eye.

"Now spread those legs,
and unzip these pants."
I pulled out his dong.
He was hung like an ant.

"Take it bitch!" the Rat said.
"Take all of it!"
He humped and he pumped,
but I couldn't feel it one bit.

He quaked and he shook,
and his mouth made an O.
He said, "Hold on baby!
I'm gonna blow!"

He stood, then he sighed.
Then he zipped up his pants.
He hopped off the couch.
He picked up his bat.

"I have to go.
Don't forget who's in charge.
Your tits are too saggy.
Your ass is too large."

He pulled down his pants,
and took a shit on my mat.
Then out the door
went the Rat with a Bat.

Then Sally came out.
She went to the top of the stairs.
"Mommy, what was that noise?
It gave me a scare!"

"It was nothing Sally.
Now go back to bed.
The fish just fell,
and got a bump on his head."

I put my hand down my skirt,
before Sally closed her door.
If you weren't finished,
wouldn't you want more?

Response to WFT: roseboy vs. Version2 2010-05-11 00:08:52


Btw: Word count is 577.

Response to WFT: roseboy vs. Version2 2010-05-15 22:34:29


Can i get an extension? Im having trouble thinking up a story...

Response to WFT: roseboy vs. Version2 2010-05-21 04:24:32


Since the tournament fell apart, how about giving me some feedback on this piece?

Response to WFT: roseboy vs. Version2 2010-05-21 15:55:24


well it was...interesting. I did not like how disturbing it was, but I'm sure that is what you where going for. I did like the themes (revenge, superiority complex, and lack of satisfaction) The rat most likely feels less superior than the cat (superiority complex) and it becomes obvious by the time he "rapes" the woman, who says she did not gain satisfaction. There where a few crude humor parts (like the rat taking a crap). Did not really find anything to criticize, i thought it was well written structurally wise. So overall you did a nice job. Kudos.


Raining upwards. Every step of the way.

" if its challenge accepted its gonna be like a volcano just erupted out of your ass"

-Sage Mike

BBS Signature

Response to WFT: roseboy vs. Version2 2010-05-23 23:28:42


Yeah, I purposely wanted to make it very disturbing, I wanted to be completely and fully on the opposite end of the spectrum from Dr. Suess. He wrote for children, so I wrote this for lunatics, that was kind of my thought process anyway.

I tried to add subtle touches to the crude humor, for example the rat pooping on the mat felt like it really strengthened the show of disrespect towards the mother, making an insult big enough to match the injury of rape. Did these things come across?

Response to WFT: roseboy vs. Version2 2010-05-24 15:18:45


At 5/23/10 11:28 PM, Version2 wrote: Yeah, I purposely wanted to make it very disturbing, I wanted to be completely and fully on the opposite end of the spectrum from Dr. Suess. He wrote for children, so I wrote this for lunatics, that was kind of my thought process anyway.

I tried to add subtle touches to the crude humor, for example the rat pooping on the mat felt like it really strengthened the show of disrespect towards the mother, making an insult big enough to match the injury of rape. Did these things come across?

Well yeah, it did get the point across. A rapist isn't a nice person, he's mean enough to take a crap on your mat :(


Raining upwards. Every step of the way.

" if its challenge accepted its gonna be like a volcano just erupted out of your ass"

-Sage Mike

BBS Signature

Response to WFT: roseboy vs. Version2 2010-05-30 02:45:54


Pretty much. Although...

Now I'm going to write a story about a rapist that gives flowers to his "dates."

Response to WFT: roseboy vs. Version2 2010-05-30 15:41:53


I realize my opinion doesn't matter much at this point, but I'll give it anyway.

I came dangerously close to busting a gut while reading your story, Version2. I see what you were trying to do with the whole thing, and I think you did a perfect job. My sense of humor is...crude, at best, so I found it pretty damn funny. Unless Roseboy could have come up with something mind-blowing, I would have voted for you. I figured you deserved a bit of praise for your hardwork, so there it is.

I applaud you, sir.

Response to WFT: roseboy vs. Version2 2010-05-31 17:30:45


The writing tournament is over, if you want to write a historical fiction, go for it and post it in a thread you make. If you want to compete against someone, sign up in the Short Stories battle thread.