A...poem? I wrote

[AhaTrusty]

This wasnt really meant to turn out as a poem, it was just this idea i had and decided to write down, and i just kept writing and it turned into this. Dont know if its good or bad or what, i've never written a poem in my life D: anyway, enjoy:

Love is a drug.
You'll feel top of the world for a while,
But the come down...
Once you've tried it you'll never want to live without it.
And nearly everyone knows, that no matter how many times you find it
It'll never be as good as that first hit.

It consumes peoples minds.
It kills, ruins lives, costs so much money, messes with heads,
writes music, paints pictures.

I envy people who have never tried love.
Never felt the damage it can do to a person,
Once you take a bad trip.
It might feel like the best thing ever,
But when it wears off it leaves a hole,
A hole that gets filled with other drugs
Alcohol, Nicotiene, Caffeine.
But they never really fix things.

I hope one day I come across some real high quality shit,
Stuff that will last a long time,
Almost Pure.
I better
Because I really need the pick me up.
Love is a drug.
And im addicted.

[Birdbeard]

At 4/15/10 09:49 AM, AhaTrusty wrote:

But the come down...

Is this what you meant to say? Or is it a spelling mistake. Sorry, it just caught me off guard.

Liked the poem, but I think there was one flaw: the speaker calls love a drug that he has never tried, yet he is addicted to it. I think what you mean is that he is addicted to the thought of it... Otherwise sir, it was a very good poem.

Something you might want to consider is extending this into a series of poems where the speaker is:

- dreaming of love (this poem)
- finding his love (like a crush)
- falling in love (with the crush, mutually [because love can be one way sometimes])
- the troubles of love
- and the conclusion.

What do you think?

[Athlas]

I like this piece, but you could, perhaps, pay more attention to imagery and being more descriptive.
But that's just my opinion. Other than that, great poem!

[keioss01]

this is good.

it gave me feelings.

feelings that scare me.

plz stop.

[AhaTrusty]

At 4/15/10 10:58 AM, Birdbeard wrote:

At 4/15/10 09:49 AM, AhaTrusty wrote:

But the come down...

Is this what you meant to say? Or is it a spelling mistake. Sorry, it just caught me off guard.

Yeah thats what i meant to say, like the come down after getting high on drugs

Liked the poem, but I think there was one flaw: the speaker calls love a drug that he has never tried, yet he is addicted to it. I think what you mean is that he is addicted to the thought of it... Otherwise sir, it was a very good poem.

Erm, I dont think i said he'd never tried it in there, maybe your getting confused with the line "I hope one day I come across some real high quality shit," its like hes tried it before, but its not lasted long enough for him and he's looking for a better realtionship, something special.

Something you might want to consider is extending this into a series of poems where the speaker is:

- dreaming of love (this poem)
- finding his love (like a crush)
- falling in love (with the crush, mutually [because love can be one way sometimes])
- the troubles of love
- and the conclusion.

What do you think?

Not too sure if im being honest, ive never really thought about actually sitting down and trying to write, never know, i might :) maybe not continuing this into a series, because i feel like i dont really have anything else to say on it.

At 4/15/10 11:36 AM, Athlas wrote: I like this piece, but you could, perhaps, pay more attention to imagery and being more descriptive.
But that's just my opinion. Other than that, great poem!

Meh, i wasnt really concentrating on using imagery or really being discriptive, more just trying to invoke emotions through the way it reads and what it actually says, if you get me.

At 4/15/10 02:19 PM, keioss01 wrote: this is good.

it gave me feelings.

feelings that scare me.

plz stop.

ehhh, thanks? i guess :L