[this has been updated, make sure length is 3:20 pls]

edit: whoa wtf how did this get 3k views in a week?? tysmmm <3

it's a song about some stuff i wish people used to say to me

never tried writing in this style so it's a first! feedback much appreciated :D

---

hey
i saw you standing in the corner of the dance hall
with your hands in the pockets of your pants
all looking askance, with nobody advancing to ya
or taking a chance and i see you saying “that’s all good”
but buddy i got a proposition
would you like to come and join us in the middle of the dance floor
i don’t really wanna assume your position
but i mean, what else would you be coming to the school dance for?
so get up, i don’t bite
gotta move to the left and move to the right
that’s tight, ain’t nobody stopping you tonight
so come on and dance, cause everybody gonna light it up

it’s the rhythm of the night that compels you
don’t you listen to what nobody tells you

hey
you’re doing great, keep it up
gotta move around your body and show us the right stuff
you’re a natural at this, you sure you haven’t been practicing? you’re a madman in action!
but hey, if you gotta take a breather
i’ll come along with you to take a sip out of the water tank
i’m not feeling so hot either
what’s your name, new friend? i’m happening to draw a blank
i know the spotlight’s bright
if you’re done getting down to the left and to the right
go ahead and take a break, but keep it in mind
if you wanna come and dance everybody gonna light it up

sorry if i’m being
too upfront or creepy
you don’t need to agree
it’s just an invitation
take it at your leisure
it’s you who’s gotta measure
the value of peer pressure
but if you wanna come and dance, everybody gonna light it up

now originally i was gonna end the song right there
but i got feedback from a friend telling me that i should extend it
with a couple bars of music filled with continuous rapping
because i had shown so far that i had skill but not the proof of it
now here’s a little interlude of speaking to a rhythm
even though it isn’t relevant to what i am submitting
but i guess it’s still a chance to be a little self-reflective
like am i gonna be penalized for inconsistent narrative?
but by this point the meta-ness of anything i have to say
has overstayed its welcome and should probably be over soon
so was this bit of feedback beneficial for the song?
i guess it doesn’t really matter; we just dance and then we light it up

(just call me one-breath luny :v :v (ow me lungs))