I like the dark riser at the beginning. The heavy, industrial vibe it said up didn’t necessarily fit well with the quaint, mellow synths at :03, though, and I think the rhythm of the lead synth there was a little hard to follow, especially when the clap came in at :07.

I like the climactic part at :13, but I wish you had implemented a better sense of build into that section. The chords at :13 seem to have some automated filters on them, and since the filtering pattern is exactly the same for each note, I’m guessing it’s like that because it came with the sample. I’d strongly suggest seeing if you can edit those filters yourself. Giving those chords a humanized touch would make them sound much more original. I also think you could’ve had some more creative drums in this section.

The mood changes pretty dramatically at :26, driven by the frantic synths and slightly darker harmonic inflections. The drums at :51 are way too over-saturated in the mix, and the new harmonies underneath it once again seem like a bit of a jarring change from the section before. I’m starting to think that you need to consolidate some of your harmonic ideas here.

I liked the transition at 1:32 and the energy and drive the piece has during the last couple of sections, but I think there are a couple of mixing/balance mistakes later on. The bass line at 1:40 sounds way too loud, and the texture is a little harsh at 2:06, at which point the melodic content is almost completely drowned out. I think you need to rein in your volume levels a bit here. The texture sounds pretty overwhelming at times. Generally, the drums should be the loudest elements of the mix, but they also shouldn’t sound overly harsh. Try testing out your piece on a couple different sound systems before you upload it. Some more careful equalization and compression might also help you keep the melodic content from ducking under the mix at times during this piece.

The other big problem here is that the arrangement seems pretty haphazard and incoherent. You have a lot of cool harmonic riffs and sections, but from a listener’s standpoint it’s hard to stay grounded in any sort of structural regularity in real time. I’d recommend using a slower pace of progression, with more repetition, more gradual transitions, and more creative ways of connecting ideas rather than just adding and subtracting instruments (i.e., try using phrasing, dynamics, filtering, and automation more to signal the approach of mood and structural changes in advance).

Overall, you clearly have a good sense of harmony and rhythm, and I like the full, rich textures this piece has to offer throughout. The arrangement is just a little choppy right now, and the production needs tightening so you can get the most impact out of your sound design. Keep at it, Cocoloco3412! :)

Mixing, mastering, and balance
.5/2
Structure, transitions, phrasing, and variety
.5/1.5
Melody, tonality, harmony, and texture
1.5/2
Instrumentation and sound design
.75/1
Emotion, atmosphere, and catchiness
1.25/1.5
Originality and uniqueness
1/1
Overall (how do the elements above interact?)
.5/1
Composite score
6/10