I like the cute synths at the beginning, and the percussion at :07 is a nice touch. The texture is a tad thin and dry, and the bass at :15 is a little too loud and also sounds kinda dissonant and distorted. I think you need a more careful approach to mixing this piece, as the other instruments tend to duck under when the bass comes in. A lot of the effects are pretty cheesy, and there’s very little variety in the harmonic content or structure. I would’ve liked to see more dynamic melodic content here, along with some more phrasing and dynamic contrast. Right now, the structure of the piece is pretty flat, the energy level almost constant through the last ⅔ of the piece, and the sound design and production don’t do much to make up for that either. The fade-out ending is a further indication to me that you haven’t put much thought into the arrangement of your piece. I like the rhythmic content, cute mood, and drum beat here, but I think you needed to do a lot more with the composition to satisfy my standards. It’s a good start, though. I’d encourage you to keep working on this piece. Keep at it, Reddyfu! :)

Mixing, mastering, and balance
1.25/2
Structure, transitions, phrasing, and variety
.5/1.5
Melody, tonality, harmony, and texture
1/2
Instrumentation and sound design
.5/1
Emotion, atmosphere, and catchiness
.75/1.5
Originality and uniqueness
.25/1
Overall (how do the elements above interact?)
.5/1
Composite score
4.75/10

you should improve the 808 by eqing it with low pass and by increasing the sub level

That 808 bass feels like it's high passed, which, in terms of hip-hop, isn't really something you want. The only things in this track that I feel have sufficient bass are some of the kicks and the subs. I also think that the track is a bit empty. Some additional elements, such as a pad, or even bit of reverb, could help fill it up a bit more. Like F-777 already said, it's a bit repetitive, especially since you have the exact same melody line going throughout the entire song. A bit of variation couldn't hurt, even IF you're going to get vocals for this.
Still, keep on practicing; you've got potential!

Oh thats sickkk. Love the low end and the percussion. It's a tad repetitive but that's also normal if your planning to add vocals or such later.

Love this!