One skill that you are getting from trying something like this is learning how to emulate details within established styles. You kind of emulated palm muting of a guitarist in the intro, you picked up on guitarists volume gating their sound with the drummer hitting kicks in sync with it, you picked up on some metal style percussion rhythms pretty well too which can be a bit difficult to draw in. You also used a transitional element well at 1:53 and cutting out the percussion to signal another phrase. That lead at 1:55 is probably my favorite part of the song. I think that you also did a good job picking electronic instruments to work with the piece.
I think the guitar is also a bit too overbearing, one easy trick to letting the percussion shine through is to just throw a compressor on your master with the threshold set to the peak volume of the guitar (or all instrumentals) and then adjust the ratio where it feels right. Also, most piano synths are velocity reactive, so you can get some expressiveness in the piano by playing the velocity of the notes, it's definitely worth experimenting with.
If you like metal and electronic, Drivepilot is a good source of inspiration, but if you're going to do more stuff like this you really need to use a real guitar (or reach out to some guitarists on NG! We are a community, use us). I'm curious to see how JDawg interprets your song.