I could send what you were trying to do with this beat, but I'll note a few things:
The drums and beat are off. It goes from hip-hop to dance music with the beat and synth used for this song. While this isn't a terrible decision for a song, you really have to be careful with keeping the song consistent with what it is trying to achieve.
However, I do think you are on the right track as far as the song design is concerned. You obviously have talent for this kind of music. Just work at it and you'll get better!