Huh. Um. Not much to say about it. The distortion at the beginning was a bit unsettling for me. It sounded pretty decent until :23 and :51, that is when you threw in the ride which was incredibly loud. You could've changed some notes in the melody during :45. And you could've also add a bass to go with your main melody to spice things up a little. I can really see your inspiration from K-on! although I don't really watch the anime that much. Overall, eh.

P.S. Just try experimenting with your melodies and listen to some great tracks, and probably you'll find one? That's how I do it when I can't think of a good melody.