Quick note, to help give further insight. The composition I'm enjoying a lot for a piece like this, but I think I can point out what RemileOduen is searching for. The mixing/producing is weak. Everything in general sounds filtered or muffled. It sounds like you've had everything mixed so loudly in the beginning that you're using filters and compressors to quiet things down. If that's the case, you should mix everything to be about -3db before adding any compressors or effects to the main mix, and then use compressors just to keep even small volume peaks in check. This would allow the guitars and especially the drums to have the breath of air they need to really pop.

Again, I really enjoyed this, but it really needs some mixing work to get this popping.

I don't know... I like the rythm and overall composition, but something is missing... Like, piercing guitar part maybe. The keyboard background sounded soothing instead of sad/desperate sometimes. Or maybe I'm not getting the idea cause I haven't played DDLC