One of my favorite songs when that album came out. Really interesting choice of key - it's a little bit lower than the original - which admittedly sounded a little off until the bit at 59 seconds, which really brought it together.
Honestly, I'd just play with the pitch a little bit on the phrase, "Your best friend is not your girlfriend." Maybe even resolving "Friend" down the half step would do it for me, either right on the word or halfway in. The dissonance is there right now, but the tension doesn't release.

I really like the space you've created here. I'm going to go check out what else you've got.