Writing was on par. Progressions standard for the genre. Transitions well done, with the exception that I did not like the sudden cliched glitch for coolsies before the last chorus was nailed home.
Mixing on the other hand is subpar.
Guitars are very flat. Rhythm is buried. Lead meshes in with the rhythm so that it's hard to pick out where your melodies are coming from. There's not much use of melodic space note wise.
No soaring highs, crushing lows, or full use of what the sonic space has to offer. Actually, the lead sounds so much more muted than the rhythm, it made it hard to pick out the pick noises! There's practically no treble to your leads, yet the rhythm is hot on the treble. As a result, the leads sound like they're hiding in a dark room while the rhythm does the hard work of driving the track -- rather than the leads soaring above and LEADING.
I also didn't like the section at 2:00. Really showcased the next area of weak mixing/production I'll be discussing.
Drums are totally buried in the mix, ESPECIALLY cymbals, and all the instruments are flat. Also where are the toms? As slow and ponderous as the drums are here, the lack of them for fills REALLY shows how empty the writing is. Snare sounds flat and lifeless too.
Drums need more compression overall. The only instrument I can really pick out is a poorly tuned snare with a serious ringing overtone that clashes with the key of the song.
Kick is also very tinny and lacking in meat. Compress it. Apply EQ. Kicks shouldn't interfere with your bass frequencies much at all, though.
Speaking of bass, it's almost non-existent here. Remember, the purpose of bass is NOT to be replaced by low-tuned baritone guitars, but to beef up the rest of the track and breathe life into it. I can hardly hear the bass at all. No pick noises, no nothing. Don't hide your bass! It's better to have it too loud and have to turn it down later than missing it almost entirely. I can hear it just on the edge of perception, and that really bugs me. Some of the best metal has a prominent bass line, which it sounds like you've shoved into the corner here.
Think about that. It's the same as if you'd made your drums virtually inaudible. You'd rob one of the essentials of the track!
Finally, this piece as a whole does not excite me, move me in any particular way, or impress me. These are things I already know I can expect from you. The song itself has all the excitement of a backing track for an emo band ballad. This is not to say that it's bad or completely boring, or even without merit. It's just missing something.