Much nicer...

I didn't really like the voice sample stuff, but this is quite quirky and interesting if a bit strange. *pat on back*

umm Industrial

Not bad, pretty cool music interesting and I wanted to keep listening to it for the most part. Overall pretty good.

Wow.

This was amazing, you put Iron Man in there! This piece was awesome, you used the instruments pretty good.

Good job. ;]

"...I just can't hum along here."

This is a little too experimental for me. Not much else to say, there needs to be a set melody, and I just can't hum along here.

Reviewing as I listen...

I'm an industrial fan myself. That said, here is my critique.

First- drop the speech generators. -.- Too many people use them and they're really cheesy.

Second- The distorted bass you bring in at the beginning is probably the best part of your song, and the most industrial thing about the piece. It's awesome. KUDOS!

Third- Your song lacks form. Unfortunately, this is one of the cardinal sins of music composition, and is something you NEED to work on. There needs to be a logical flow and progression to each piece, no matter what that actual progression is. Go to your local music store, and pick up a music theory book. It'll cost you $20 but save you YEARS of bad reviews (trust me).

Now- suggestions!

My main suggestion to rectify your problem is to LISTEN TO GOOD INDUSTRIAL MUSIC. Here's a list of songs you should look into.

"Starsign"- Apoptygma Berserk
"Anarchy" - K.M.F.D.M.
"StarF***ers Inc." - Nine Inch Nails (yes, it's industrial)
"Closer"- Nine Inch Nails
"Strata"- VNV Nation (probably closest to the style you're looking for)
"Interceptor"- VNV Nation (companion song to "Strata")
"Entropy"-VNV Nation (good dist. bass for you to study)
Anything off the Praise The Fallen album by VNV Nation
"Forever"- Bruderschaft, Apoptygma Berserk, VNV Nation, Covenant

Hopefully those songs will get you going in a good direction for Industrial stylings. BEST OF LUCK!!!!

Kilkila