Parody of Pistol Grip Pump by Volume 10.

Lyrics:

I was raised in the arctic, what the diff?
Whether elves in the pole be buildin' shit
I put rocks in socks - white Christmas
Little kids jump on my lap, wishin it
Presents, gettin' it, never giving back
Too late for slipping, so pack... up
You on my lap, kids ask for mad gifts
On my dick, naughty, nice and suck-ups
All I'm saying there ain't no question who the man is
In my sleigh or when it's snowless
Smack fools with my pimp candy cane, what you say?
I think I'll visit all you motherfuckers in one night, man

[Hook]
Little kids jump on my lap at all times...
Little kids jump on my lap at all times...
Little kids jump on my lap at all times...
Making me go to other chimneys, but they ain't coming to mine

[Verse 2]
Little kids jump on my lap at all times
Suppressor to ice you on a silent night
Make the Cookie Monster look anorexic 'cause I'm quick - snack
In ya living room you gotta look over your shoulder, wrap
Some mistletoe in gift wrap for getting high
Blazed higher than coal, sleigh passing you by
If you're in trouble, on the double best to call your elves
Before nine pipers piping with a toolie, bounce
Around me
Are we getting along?
We family, we better be
(We got your back, we got your back, Nick)
(Just don't be clapping no more of them bells)
Aiight man...

[Hook] (x2)

[Verse 3]
Got five golden rings, son of a bitch I'm rich
But that don't mean you can trick me, peeps are checked twice on the list
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, all been through the filter
I hang with my reindeer, fuck a chilla
Iller, blizzard, giver, sing
Show me have the green for Kris Kringle, jiggle, jingle
Saint Nick gonna bring - lots
Your daughter get the gift, box
Until you're off, at the shopping mall
Man, she loves me, and not gonna stop wishing to the dolls
And if you didn't know, should've asked what she wants
(Little kids jump on my lap at all times)

[Hook] (x2)