The feel you are going for was definitely achieved. The composition allows me to picture your description.

What I thought could be improved was the track get wider. Especially when we enter the 1st shroud and that cello sustain note before we go into our next scene.

Speaking of our next scene. The nice string section was quite good. Well layered and spaced.
If only you could make those transitions flow into each other. At times i thought rhe song was done. But nope! Haha

Last thing would be your 1st chorus. There are some skips when the violas are rising with the accordion.

Overall I liked where you were going with this. Maybe you should listen to the Sherlock Holmes soundtrack for a good reference. No title comes to mind but I'm sure it would be a good place to start to get an idea.
Hope this helps! And good job, seriously, even though the mix has some flaws, you capture the setting and image well. So kudos to you on that!