You've got some ideas, but you're trying to get everything right up at the forefront; not every element should be fighting to be the centre of attention. You could solve this issue with something as simple as making some instruments quieter than others, a-la basic mixing. The drums don't change either, which is problematic when you want to keep something interesting. Even a level change would suffice, probably. Not a bad effort, keep working and you'll nail it!
Thanks for the review :) I'm going to start trying to improve my mixing and effects. But like you said, I always struggle when it comes to percussion.